Talk:Edward Wickham/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 18:54, 2 April 2020 (UTC)

I'll take this one on in the coming week. Eddie891 Talk Work 18:54, 2 April 2020 (UTC)

Comments
I've lightly c/ed, feel free to disagree with any of my edits or any of my suggestions that follow below:
 * I generally feel that the lede could use a few more years to anchor his activities down, if you will.
 * Added some in, let me know if I've gone too far! Harrias  talk 09:06, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Do we know where he was born?
 * Not from a reliable source. From birth records, I can tell you that his birth was recorded in Bedminster, Somerset. But I can't include it. Harrias  talk 20:33, 2 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Unfortunate... I looked too, and didn't see anything Eddie891 Talk Work 20:45, 2 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "He received his early education at The Oratory School in Birmingham" did he attend any other schools? maybe all we know is that they were local schools, but may be worth a mention?
 * I'm sure he did, but again, I can't find any mention of it. Harrias  talk 20:33, 2 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Perhaps my eyesight is failing, but I don't see Edward Wickham mentioned in source #5, meaning "During the First World War, he was made a temporary captain, and then later a full captain, from September 1915, although it was not until the following September that he received the pay and allowances of the rank." is not supported. Am I missing his name?
 * This threw me off a few times before I worked out what I'd done wrong. It was the wrong page number, it should have been page 3344, rather than 3341. Fixed now. Harrias  talk 20:33, 2 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "joined the Indian Political Department" In the lede you say just "political department". Are they the same?
 * Yes, corrected in lead. Harrias  talk 09:06, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "the Shah of Persia during his tour of Europe between August 1919 until November of the same year" mention which Shah it was
 * perhaps this would be better phrased as "...Europe between August and November 1919"?
 * Changed as suggested. Harrias  talk 09:06, 4 April 2020 (UTC)

Overall very nice work, some minor quibbles with the prose, some more reviewing to come. Eddie891 Talk Work 19:22, 2 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "e Order of the Lion and the Sun, 3rd Class by the Shah of Persia" maybe mention this in the infobox?
 * Added and rewritten that section of the lead. Harrias  talk 09:06, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "He once again served as the officer in attendance in 1928, on this occasion for the King of Afghanistan, Amānullāh Khān" May read better as "He served as the officer in attendance for the King of Afghanistan, Amānullāh Khān, in 1928" because I think the main focus of this sentence should be that it was the King of Afghanistan, not that he was serving again.
 * Fair point, changed as suggested. Harrias  talk 09:06, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
 * you might consider referring to him as 'Wickham' occasionally in the Military career section to take somewhat away from the listy feel.
 * "his final role in India" Is this really necessary? seems redundant to me, because the reader can easily figure it was his last role from reading the paragraph
 * I only used it because there are some gaps; ie I think he served in some other roles in India that I haven't been able to discover, or at least find in reliable sources. So they don't necessarily follow on from one another, but it is noted in the sources that this was his last role, so it is fixed in time. Harrias  talk 09:06, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "When, six weeks later, Hore-Belisha resigned from his post, Wickham also left his position in the War Office" try instead "When Hore-Belisha resigned from his post six weeks later, Wickham also left his position in the War Office" to eliminate unnecessary commas.
 * Changed as suggested. Harrias  talk 09:06, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Did he have any involvement in the waging of the Second World War worth mentioning?
 * Nothing that I've found. Harrias  talk 09:06, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Why do you use Hamilton Gault in the prose and successionbox, but Andrew Hamilton Gault in the infobox? I'd recommend standardizing
 * Done. Harrias  talk 09:06, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
 * What day was the 1945 election? Feels odd to mention the day of the '35 one, but not this.
 * Added date. Harrias  talk 09:06, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review; I have responded to each point above. Let me know your thoughts. Harrias  talk 09:06, 4 April 2020 (UTC)
 * , Thanks for getting back to me! Image is fine, sources are fine, and the only sourcing problem I found in a brief spot check was the Gazette issue, already addressed. No copyvio detected, prose is now up to standard. Short article, but I think it's reasonably comprehensive based on available reliable sources. Happy to promote. Eddie891 Talk Work 21:27, 4 April 2020 (UTC)