Talk:Effects of advertising on teen body image/Archives/2012

Some comments
I have looked at your writing in the sandbox and wanted to commend your efforts. It is clear that you are incorporating good practices and endeavor to present information with a neutral bias. To possibly improve on your efforts, consider replacing generic references to a study by directly stating what study produced the fact you are drawing upon. Follow the same principle when presenting any opinion counter to any such position. Consider this sentence, "A 1994 study concluded that there is a positive correlation between amount of exposure ...", positive can be misunderstood as a good thing while I believe you mean to imply a direct relationship. Otherwise some might contend that "A 1994 study concluded that there is a negative correlation between amount of exposure ...". It is good that you have included references to support your claims. See if you can expand the citations to include more information than simply the URL. It helps reduce the occurrence of link rot. All in all, your writing looks good, and I hope some of this advice might help you improve it even more. As always, you are also welcome to ask questions any time you may have a question, or if I've been unclear, Cheers. My76Strat (talk) 04:42, 15 October 2011 (UTC)

I deleted the James Twitchell quote about "dog whistle advertising." Here's my reasoning: While vivid, it didn't illustrate the main point -- it was about some ads being targeted to teens versus adults, not about some messages being about body image. Also, having done a search for the phrase "dog whistle advertising" and "dog whistle marketing," I didn't find it in broad use. You see the phrase "dog whistle" being used to describe political campaigns, but not ads generally. Finally, Twitchell is a professor of poetry, not of advertising; he has an interest in ads and their history, according to the Smithsonian article which the Media Awareness curriculum material cited. Gus andrews (talk) 17:46, 20 March 2012 (UTC)

suggestions
after reading your article I have a few suggestions that you could help to improve your work. Although you have clearly done research there are a few more things that could possibly be added into this piece. For instance, for young men you mention that they can feel unsatisfied with their body...what does this lead them to then do? do they go to the gym? protein shakes? Also, you say that advertising has affects on women as well but what does this lead them to do? eating disorders? diets? the way they dress? Lastly, through which type of media does advertising have it's greatest affects on teens? (Scriptgeek (talk) 18:51, 27 October 2011 (UTC))

another thing to keep in mind...in the beginning of the section regarding women you described the "ideal" woman that the market portrays..maybe do the same and describe the "ideal" male? I think there's a lot more that you could say about men too because not only does their "ideal" model hit the gym a lot, but they also feel the need to act tougher. The Jersey Shore and other MTV shows portray a certain type of guy which definitely has an effect on how guy's act - which can even be seen on the UMass campus if you look around (the gelled hair, flipped baseball caps, GTL status on facebook especially when the show first came out). (Scriptgeek (talk) 14:28, 9 November 2011 (UTC))

Your article looks very organized in terms of subtitles and citations/references. The amount of research in your article is evident however, I think that if you elaborated a little more on the "physical attractiveness" of the models in the media such as exactly what young women or men consider "attractive." would be helpful. For example, you can research the average perfect size that young women consider to be "attractive" or the percentage of muscle mass young men in society today to be considered attractive. You can also provide more information like statistics wise about the percentage of young women with eating disorders and how that is rising, etc. When you mention "advertising featuring thin, attractive women," I think you could again, describe in more details about what is considered "thin" in society. Is there a certain weight that women has to be under in order to be considered thin? Maybe if you included more specific details, then readers will have a much clearer vision of what that "thin, attractive woman" in the media would physically look like. Furthermore, I believe that you could mention the types of media that young teens are exposed to with the teen advertising on their body image. For example, like television, magazines, billboards, etc. When you mention the "Teen skepticism toward advertising," you bring up an interesting point but I think elaborating a bit more on that would be helpful to the reader. Maybe include why some teens become skeptical toward the accuracy of those ads but others develop eating disorders because of those same ads. If you compare/contrasted those two issues, I think that would be very interesting and cool to read. Overall, it is a excellent start to a very creative and interesting article and adding in specific details would definitely benefit the article altogether. Jns521 (talk) 03:58, 3 November 2011 (UTC)

feedback
Thank you so much for your feedback. I changed my grammatical errors that you pointed out, I really appreciate it. I just read your article and find it very interesting. You definitely have a lot of great information in there. I do have some minor grammar suggestions also, in the quote "They also found that some girls and young women compare themselves to the models that they see in ads, in terms of their physical attractiveness, and then experience lowered self-esteem because they do not look like these models" the end could be changed around a little bit. GirlWithTheMostCake (talk) 14:55, 7 November 2011 (UTC)

Peer review
Your article is really great so far and you have a bunch of good information!!! However here are a few things that caught my eye that you might want to change: In your overview you are linking to advertising, I don’t think it’s necessary to define it within your article, since you are writing about body image and I’m sure advertising is well defined in its own page. Also the sentence “The average person views 3,000 advertisements per day” is overplayed and it sounds like it belongs in an essay (maybe I’m biased because I used that same exact sentence in my proposal.) I would remove it altogether, but maybe you can revise it so it sounds better and more encyclopedic. Just my opinion. Also in the part where you say that ads set “unrealistic expectations for teen boys,” Maybe you can give examples. In my page I talk about gender advertisement, and I have a section that lists a bunch of ways that men(and women) are portrayed in ads maybe you can use that. Barbie and He-man(Superman/Batman,etc) are classic examples of the body types that ads associate with the different sexes. Considering children are exposed to this at an early age, maybe in the back of their heads they think this is what they are supposed to look like and it leads to body image problems when they are teens and more concerned with appearances. I'm just throwing out ideas but I'm sure there's probably an article somewhere that talks about this. Other than this your article is solid. Good work! Eff Gjeni (talk) 18:21, 12 November 2011 (UTC)

Ambassador feedback
Overall, I see minor issues. The lead section should be rewritten to present an introduction and summary of the article content. It is essential to present why the subject of the article is significant and/or important. The first sentence should present the subject in bold type. (see WP:LEAD) I also recommend editing the section headers to ensure MOS compliance (see WP:HEADINGS). Currently, the second level headers skip to the fourth level. Revise the fourth levels to third levels. I also recommend a good copy editing and proofreading. (see WP:WTA) And finally, make sure to include more links to other articles on Wikipedia. Hit me back if you need me to clarify anything. Best regards,  Cind.   amuse  (Cindy) 02:51, 28 November 2011 (UTC)
 * I've gone through part of the article to indicate areas that need addressed. You drop several names throughout the article, along with correlated studies. We need to clearly identify these people and present why their opinions or assessments are credible and authoritative to the subject. We also need to address the articles that lack congruency. It's not effective to simply group a variety of statements and thoughts into a paragraph. These need to be addressed and fleshed out. Do not combine material from multiple sources into one paragraph, when they focus on separate and distinct topics. Each paragraph needs to be presented as a self-contained unit of discourse, dealing with a particular point or idea. There is a beginning, middle, and end to each paragraph. A sense of unity and coherence of ideas among the sentences that make up the paragraph. Finally, make sure to address the issues in the lead section. Develop the lead sentence to present the subject. I've provided a lead to get you started. If you want assistance with the first sentence, let me know. In all things, make sure to present a balanced world view, identifying both positive and negative effects. As a suggestion, I have provided an alternate article layout below. Feel free to contact me if you have any questions. Best regards,  Cind.   amuse  (Cindy) 07:47, 28 November 2011 (UTC)

Overview

 * Define advertising and body image
 * Scope and authority of global media research and analysis
 * Present cultural differentiation between teens on a global scale

History

 * Identify historical methods, manner, and motivation of recruitment and utilization
 * Present the changing role of teens in advertising over the past hundred years (example)

Negative effects

 * Unrealistic imaging
 * Low self-esteem
 * Health effects
 * Self-harm and depression
 * Promiscuity

Positive effects

 * Improved self-perception
 * Improved physical development
 * Motivation and empowerment

Negative effects

 * Gender identity issues
 * Low self-esteem
 * Health effects
 * Self-harm and aggression
 * Behavioral disruption

Positive effects

 * Improved self-perception
 * Improved physical development
 * Motivation and empowerment