Talk:Electrick Children/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Anne drew Andrew and Drew (talk · contribs) 01:48, 10 October 2017 (UTC)

Plot

 * When she finds herself to be pregnant, she is convinced that she has conceived miraculously...
 * Could this sentence be tightened up? Maybe After becoming pregnant, she is convinced that she has conceived miraculously... instead. AdA&D  02:16, 10 October 2017 (UTC)


 * In Las Vegas Rachel falls in with a group of skaters who live together and play in a band, after being drawn to one of the boys who wears a shirt with a cassette on it
 * Not sure this is clear enough. Is she attracted to this boy? How about after falling in love with one of the boys who wears a shirt with a cassette on it or after becoming attracted to with one of the boys who wears a shirt with a cassette on it instead? AdA&D  02:16, 10 October 2017 (UTC)


 * Mr. Will joins her reluctantly and pleads with her...
 * This is a bit confusing. Was she asking him to join her? If so it should be made clear that she wanted to talk to him. Or did he seek out and find her? Maybe Mr. Will finds her and pleads with her... instead. AdA&D  02:16, 10 October 2017 (UTC)


 * one night he offers to marry her, saying that together they can look for the man on the tape.
 * Why are they looking for the man on the tape? Not sure this was made clear. AdA&D  02:16, 10 October 2017 (UTC)

Other than that, nice work! AdA&D 02:04, 10 October 2017 (UTC)


 * Thanks for your suggestions! The plot of the film is quite strange and difficult to explain, so it was useful to see the parts that were unclear to you – I have reworded the phrases you mentioned above, so hopefully it is clearer now. You are right about citation 7 – the original URL is now a dead link, but the citation also includes a link to an archived version of the original page. Many thanks for the review, and for what it's worth I'm a big fan of your username. :) 97198 (talk) 12:19, 11 October 2017 (UTC)
 * Awesome, thanks for changing those. Citation 7 (the archive link at https://web.archive.org/web/20170308224657/http://arts.columbia.edu/columbia-continues-streak-spirit-awards) is still giving me The requested page could not be found. See this image. AdA&D  13:49, 11 October 2017 (UTC)
 * That's odd, it appears fine for me. I've changed it to an older archive link from 2012 . Is it still giving you the same problem? 97198 (talk) 00:12, 12 October 2017 (UTC)
 * Ah, you know what, it seemed to be an issue with the browser I was using. Sorry about that! With all the above issues addressed, I'm happy to pass the article. Thanks for your contributions! AdA&D  03:53, 12 October 2017 (UTC)