Talk:Elias Abraham Rosenberg/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: MathewTownsend (talk · contribs) 14:08, 10 January 2012 (UTC)

Hi, I will reveiw this article shortly. Best, MathewTownsend (talk) 14:08, 10 January 2012 (UTC)


 * Prose


 * "Most details of his life are unknown, but he is known to have lived in San Francisco in the 1880s and developed a reputation " - "unknow, but he is known" - needs rewording
 * Agree, rephrased.


 * "kept the details of Rosenberg's statements confidential.[1] Rosenberg told the king Bible stories read to him from the Talmud,[2] and claimed to have found references to Hawaii in ancient Hebrew texts" - clarify that although in read the King Bible stories etc. the "Rosenberg's statements confidential" - what is meant by "statements"? - "and claimed to have found references to Hawaii in ancient Hebrew texts" - this doesn't fall under statements?
 * Agree, rephrased.


 * "The collector general, who oversaw Rosenberg's position, was replaced in May. In March, April, and May, Rosenberg was paid $100, ostensibly for working as a guard at the customs office. On June 1, he received a payment of $260 for an unknown reason." - how is this important and how does it related to any of the storyline. What does it mean? What relevance does it have?
 * Took a stab at it.


 * "Items about Rosenberg regularly appeared in a Hawaiian Gazette gossip column, written under the pseudonym "Flaneur". The columnist alleged that Rosenberg did no work at the customs office but collected a regular salary. Rosenberg was also satirized by a troupe of amateur minstrels at the Hawaii Opera house." - how does this relate?
 * Moved these sentences, hopefully more logical now.

GA review-see WP:WIAGA for criteria (and here for what they are not)


 * 1) Is it reasonably well written?
 * A. Prose: clear and concise, correct spelling and grammar:
 * (see examples above)
 * The sentences and paragraphs don't hang together. Unrelated information seems to be juxtaposed for no reason.
 * Thus the prose is choppy; it doesn't flow.
 * Fair enough, will work on it.
 * Looking at the online sources e.g. and using your other sources - isn't there info that could fill out this article?
 * I don't think there's anything worth mentioning about him that isn't here yet, he's a bit of an enigma.
 * B. Complies with MoS for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and list incorporation:
 * Lede is not clear about the main content of article. If one of the most important aspects is that Rosenberg left he left a Sefer Torah and a yad in Hawaii, which became prized possessions of the Hawaiian royal family and were later given to Temple Emanu-El - then shouldn't this be stressed more in the lede?
 * Ok, I added a bit more to the lead.
 * 1) Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
 * A. Provides references to all sources:
 * B. Provides in-line citations from reliable sources where necessary:
 * C. No original research:
 * 1) Is it broad in its coverage?
 * A. Main aspects are addressed:
 * Bits and pieces from the sources are patched together, but is isn't clear to me what the broad aspects are.
 * "He is considered to have been an eccentric[3] and was described by San Francisco newspapers as an "adventurer"[4] and a "curio"." - can any of this be expanded upon?
 * Unfortunately, I don't think so.
 * Did Rosenberg's actions and gifts have any effect on the practice of Judaism in Hawaii?
 * Good question, I think a book I have mentions something about this, I'll try to dig it up and put it in (the answer is ultimately no though).
 * Did any of this have an important effect of the reign of the king? (seems he was prone to soothsayers etc.)
 * I think it may have damaged his credibility, I think one or two of the sources might mention this, I'll try to check through them.
 * B. Remains focused:
 * Seems to be some focus on small detail that doesn't contribute to the understanding of the article - e.g. the stuff about his holding jobs at the customs office" (see above).
 * Ok, will try to rephrase for flow and focus.
 * Gave it a try, hope it makes more sense now.
 * 1) Does it follow the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * No edit wars, etc:
 * 1) Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
 * A. Images are copyright tagged, and non-free images have fair use rationales:
 * B. Images are provided where possible and appropriate, with suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * Please contact me if you have any questions or comments. I'll place this article on hold for seven days. Best wishes, MathewTownsend (talk) 19:45, 10 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Alright, I'll try to work through this and go over the article again. This will be difficult to a certain extent because of the lack of available details about his life. I might be able to get it to read smoother, but only odd fragments of his life are preserved in the sources so it will be tricky. Mark Arsten (talk) 21:55, 10 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Supposedly Rosenberg left Hawaii just before the Bayonet Constitution. I see what you mean. Info on Hawaiian history is hard to come by. MathewTownsend (talk) 22:20, 10 January 2012 (UTC)
 * BTW, thanks for your edits to the article, they look good to me. Mark Arsten (talk) 01:18, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Feel free to change any edits I make. I think the article has improved greatly. You've made it work! MathewTownsend (talk) 01:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your help, I agree that it has improved.
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * Please contact me if you have any questions or comments. I'll place this article on hold for seven days. Best wishes, MathewTownsend (talk) 19:45, 10 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Alright, I'll try to work through this and go over the article again. This will be difficult to a certain extent because of the lack of available details about his life. I might be able to get it to read smoother, but only odd fragments of his life are preserved in the sources so it will be tricky. Mark Arsten (talk) 21:55, 10 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Supposedly Rosenberg left Hawaii just before the Bayonet Constitution. I see what you mean. Info on Hawaiian history is hard to come by. MathewTownsend (talk) 22:20, 10 January 2012 (UTC)
 * BTW, thanks for your edits to the article, they look good to me. Mark Arsten (talk) 01:18, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Feel free to change any edits I make. I think the article has improved greatly. You've made it work! MathewTownsend (talk) 01:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your help, I agree that it has improved.
 * Feel free to change any edits I make. I think the article has improved greatly. You've made it work! MathewTownsend (talk) 01:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your help, I agree that it has improved.


 * Do you think the last section should be one paragraph or two? Mark Arsten (talk) 02:44, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
 * Well, I moved a couple more sentences there and then split it up, some of the paragraphs may be a bit short though. Mark Arsten (talk) 03:06, 11 January 2012 (UTC)
 * The way it is now is good. The whole article is much improved and now I understand what was happening. MathewTownsend (talk) 15:23, 11 January 2012 (UTC)


 * Reevaluation after fixes:


 * 1. Well written?:
 * 2. Factually accurate?:
 * 3. Broad in coverage?:
 * 4. Neutral point of view?:
 * 5. Article stability?:
 * 6. Images?:


 * Very interesting article. Congratulations! MathewTownsend (talk) 15:26, 11 January 2012 (UTC)