Talk:Elizabeth Dilling/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Carbrera (talk · contribs) 03:27, 29 June 2016 (UTC)

Paragraph 1

 * Insert a comma after "In 1934".

Paragraph 1

 * Insert a comma after "In 1912".

Paragraph 2

 * Omit "extensively" in the first sentence; it seems unnecessary.
 * Insert a comma after "In 1923".

Paragraph 3

 * Replace "when she noted a" with "where she noted a".
 * Insert a comma after "in 1939".

Paragraph 1

 * Replace "she encountered, on her" with "she encountered upon her".
 * Replace "on her doctor's advice" with "following her doctor's advice".
 * Maybe break up the last sentence; it's a little lengthy. Or at some semi-colons rather than the excessive commas.

Paragraph 2

 * Insert a comma after "In 1932".
 * Replace "organisation" with "organization".
 * Reword the first sentence somehow; it's a little disorganized.

Paragraph 4

 * Replace "The book had been" with "The book has been".
 * Replace "and sold more than" with "and has sold more than".
 * I rearranged it slightly.zzz (talk) 11:28, 30 June 2016 (UTC)

Paragraph 7

 * Insert a comma after "In 1938".

Paragraph 2

 * "It was the base of the isolationist America First Committee found in September 1940, which by 1941 had 850,000 members, and influential far-right activists Father Charles E. Coughlin, Reverend Gerald L. K. Smith and Lyrl Clark Van Hyning." could be reworded. It's just cluttered and hard to read.

Paragraph 3

 * "7 March" ? Turn it around to March 7.

Paragraph 4

 * Replace "in December 1941" with "on December 1941".
 * Removed date. zzz (talk) 11:30, 30 June 2016 (UTC)

Paragraph 5

 * Insert commas before and after "convened in 1941 to investigate fascist propaganda".
 * Weird date: "21 July 1942" - turn it around.
 * Another weird date: "4 January 1944".
 * And another: "3 January 1944".
 * And again: "29 November 1944".
 * There's a lot of turned around dates; please fix them.
 * Insert a comma following "in 1954".

End of GA Review:
On hold for seven days to allow for the aforementioned changes to be made. Please @PING me here with any questions, comments, or concerns. Thanks so much and good luck! Cheers, Carbrera (talk) 05:12, 30 June 2016 (UTC).
 * Thanks very much for the comments. I think I fixed everything. zzz (talk) 11:43, 30 June 2016 (UTC)

zzz (talk) 11:44, 30 June 2016 (UTC)