Talk:Ellie Cole/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Canadian Paul (talk · contribs) 16:08, 28 June 2012 (UTC)

I'll take a look at this one, hopefully later tonight. One thing I can tell immediately is that all those one-two sentence paragraphs in the "Career" section are seriously going to disrupt the article's flow. I would recommend combining them where possible/appropriate to ensure that the section reads like a narrative rather than a list of facts. Also please note per the toolbox on the side that there is a disambiguation llink for S13 that should be rectified. Canadian  Paul  16:08, 28 June 2012 (UTC)


 * Disambiguation link for S13 rectified. --Irenah (talk) 06:47, 29 June 2012 (UTC)


 * GA review (see here for what the criteria are, and here for what they are not)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:

Comments:
 * 1) Per WP:LEAD, the lead cannot introduce facts that are not present in the body of the article. Currently "She is the captain of the Australian Paralympic Team and mentors other young athletes" is not anywhere in the body and would require proper citations.


 * Lead re-checked. Ensured information is reinstated in the article or not included and proper citations are used.--Irenah (talk) 10:54, 29 June 2012 (UTC)


 * 1) The infobox image requires a caption, even if it's just something along the lines of "Ellie Cole, picture in Year X" or "Ellie Cole in her 2008 official Australian Olympic portrait" or something similar.


 * Caption added.--Irenah (talk) 10:49, 29 June 2012 (UTC)


 * 1) The fact that she is a member of the Casey Tigersharks club requires a citation.


 * Citation has been added, but not sure as to whether it can be cited within a table? --Irenah (talk) 06:48, 29 June 2012 (UTC)


 * 1) Per WP:DATED, the introduction to the "Personal" section needs to qualify the details by their date of relevance (ie. "As of 2012...") Also, does that little introduction need to be its own section? Seems like it would fit better in the flow of the narrative somewhere in another section; it's odd to introduce her height, weight, club, and residence before the reader knows anything about her. Also, I think that breaking the "Personal" section into subsection is unnecessary, as both of the subsections are very short and it adds more to the disruption of the flow.


 * The personal section has been written in chronological order, and 'As of 2012' has been replaced with 'currently'.
 * Club and residence has conjoined into more appropriate parts of the section, height and weight has been excluded due to the inability to place with prose within the article.


 * Information has been combined into one section rather than with subheadings. --Irenah (talk) 06:49, 29 June 2012 (UTC)


 * 1) Under "Early life," "She was diagnosed with sarcoma." Aside from the fact that the pronoun makes it unclear whether it is referring to Ellie or Brittany, this is just a sentence fragment/factoid without a connecting detail such as when she was diagnosed.


 * I have changed this to specify that it was Ellie Cole who was diagnosed with Sarcoma. --Irenah (talk) 09:41, 29 June 2012 (UTC)


 * I have also expanded the sentence to be more descriptive.--Irenah (talk) 09:43, 29 June 2012 (UTC)


 * 1) The major problem, as noted above, is the "Career" section, which is nothing more than a list of successive facts about things that happened to Cole. They need to be combined and bridged together to create a sense of narrative flow. For example, the first couple of sentences could become "Cole is classified in the S9 category in swimming due to her amputation, a classification that also includes swimmers who have joint restrictions in one leg and those with double below-knee amputations. She began competitive swimming in 2003 and, at the 2006 IPC Swimming World Championships in Durban, South Africa, she won her first international medal in the sport, silver in the women's 100m backstroke S9 event." So my point here is that not only do these small paragraphs need to be combined, but it's more than a matter of simply deleting the line breaks. The need to be combined and worked together in order to present a story.


 * The facts have been bridged together and joined in order to 'present a story' with more prose. --Irenah (talk) 10:38, 29 June 2012 (UTC)


 * 1) The "Career" section has two fact tags that need to be rectified.


 * The two fact tags have been fixed - --Irenah (talk) 06:48, 29 June 2012 (UTC)


 * 1) Is the block quote in the "Training" section necessary? It doesn't really add anything to the prose or encyclopedic information and will become quickly outdated information. Since, per Non-free content, we should limit our use of non-free material (such as direct quotes), I'm wondering what the rationale is here for including it.


 * The block quote has been erased. --Irenah (talk) 10:40, 29 June 2012 (UTC)

The prose here is a big problem, but I think that a careful effort could fix it. To allow for these issues to be addressed I am placing the article on hold for a period of up to a week. I'm always open to discussion so if you think I'm wrong on something leave your thoughts here and we'll discuss. I'll be checking this page at least daily, unless something comes up, so you can be sure I'll notice any comments left here. Once these concerns have been dealt with, I will review the article and point out additional changes needed to comply with Wikipedia's Good Article criteria. Canadian  Paul  20:27, 28 June 2012 (UTC)


 * I'll take a second look at it now. Canadian   Paul  14:00, 29 June 2012 (UTC)


 * Much improved. Here are a a few new points:


 * 1) References #1 and 10 need to be properly formatted like the rest of the citations because, if those links went dead, then there would be no way to verify the material that they cite because it's impossible to tell what the sources are.


 * Referencing fixed. (talk) 00:44, 30 June 2012 (UTC)--Irenah (talk) 00:45, 30 June 2012 (UTC)


 * 1) Under "Career", second paragraph, "After breaking the world record with a time of 1:04:06, she participated in the FINA championships in Rio de Janeiro where she finished third five times." You don't necessarily need to list every event that she finished third in here, but more detail, even a general sampling of the types of events she competed in, would be very useful here.


 * I have further clarified the events she participated in and added more detail. --Irenah (talk) 02:16, 30 June 2012 (UTC)


 * 1) Under "Recognition", "During her time at Frankston High School Cole received a Debbie Flintoff-King award for the most outstanding sporting achievement from the institution three years in a row." Yes, I know, it's pretty obvious but per WP:OBVIOUS you should list what that "outstanding sporting achievement" was (if it's explicitly listed in sources of course)


 * I have specified why she was awarded the Debbie Flintoff-King award. --Irenah (talk) 02:38, 30 June 2012 (UTC)


 * 1) The fact that "She is the captain of the Australian Paralympic Team" in the lead is still absent from the body of the article.


 * This information now comes under the training subheading. --Irenah (talk) 00:54, 30 June 2012 (UTC)

Getting closer, a significant improvement on what was there before. Canadian  Paul  14:34, 29 June 2012 (UTC)

Almost there, just one final clarification:
 * 1) Under "Career", second paragraph, "The same year Cole participated in the IPC Swimming World Championships in Rio de Janeiro in the 100m backstroke, 400m freestyle, four 100m freestyle events and the 200m individual medley where she broke a world record with a finishing time of 1:04:06 and won five bronze medals." It's probably not necessary to list which events she won the medals in (it's in the infobox anyways), but this sentence should clarify the event in which she broke the record. Canadian   Paul  14:05, 30 June 2012 (UTC)
 * Fixed by disentangling the sources. As far as I can tell, she didn't actually break any records at those games. Graham 87 03:33, 1 July 2012 (UTC)
 * Okay, time for another (hopefully final) look then. Canadian   Paul  21:23, 1 July 2012 (UTC)
 * Well, I believe that this article now satisfies the Good Article criteria and I will therefore be passing it as such. As an aside, I think that this is definitely a premier example of how collaboration really made a difference in improving article quality, so congratulations to all those involved and thank you for your hard work. Canadian   Paul  21:30, 1 July 2012 (UTC)