Talk:Enslaved: Odyssey to the West/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: ProtoDrake (talk · contribs) 19:34, 21 July 2018 (UTC)

I think I'll enjoy reviewing this. If I'm not back in two days, ping and shout and cry and blast my talk page to pieces until I return. --ProtoDrake (talk) 19:34, 21 July 2018 (UTC)

Review
These are my initial comments on the article. That's what I saw on a first scan through the article. On the whole, I think this article will need a peer review before it goes any further than GA. It's not beyond passing provided its current faults are addressed, but several parts of the article were difficult to read and understand. I'm putting this article on hold. --ProtoDrake (talk) 12:05, 23 July 2018 (UTC)
 * General
 * Tripitaka and Monkey are both linked to their respective articles, and the author of Journey to the West is stated. These links and mentions don't appear later in the article. Also, was Trip ever called "Tripitaka" in-game?
 * The device Monkey wears is alternately described as "slave head band" and "slave headband". Which is used in-game?
 * Gameplay
 * players encounter numerous mech.s - Remove the full.stop.
 * Why use an abbreviation of electromagnetic propulsion when it isn't used again in the article? Also, there's no need for the word to begin with a capital letter.
 * Synopsis
 * The plot as a whole needs tidying. It feels like it's describing a walkthrough rather than concisely describing the plot.
 * ...on him, which provides a combat heads-up display - This sounds more like wiki stuff than wikipedia as it's not little to nothing to do with the story.
 * Development
 * The image for Tameem Antoniades needs a link for his name.
 * During Heavenly Sword's development, Antoniades researched the wuxia genre and read the novel Journey to the West. He found it was "epic" and "on par with Lord of the Rings. However, Enslaved is only a loose adaptation of the novel. - This sentence has several points that need addressing; who wrote Journey to the West again?; which is the "it" Antoniades, the wuxia genre or the novel? And a missing quote, plus it's The Lord of the Rings - the current link is a redirect.
 * The script itself was initially developed separately for a time. Then the gameplay developers joined to "mesh" both the story and gameplay. - Can't these two sentences be joined together in some way?
 * Release
 * Fix the "Amazon.com" link to Amazon (company).
 * HMV released the Talent Pack, which came in exclusive presentation packaging and included the official soundtrack and a copy of the novel The Tesseract written by Alex Garland. Garland's name has already been written in full. Why repeat this? Perhaps rewrite it as "a copy of Garland's novel The Tesseract." Make sure you use this link, as the current one goes to a disambiguation page.
 * Players use different approaches to combat, such as stealth, to avoid combat altogether and/or use Trip's - Rewrite this so you don't need the "and/or" bit.
 * With the same method carried over from the development of Heavenly Sword, the studio utilised the motion capture to benefit the story and characters, particularity with facial animations to capture better realistic emotions. This whole sentence feels clunky and doesn't deliver information in a good way. Please rewrite.
 * Reception
 * Namco Bandai hoped they would sell over a million copies of Enslaved; [57] however, the game sold only 460,000 copies by that date.[58] - Remove unneeded space before Ref 57. Also, by what date?
 * References
 * Ref 43 url needs updating with its current one, or archiving.
 * Ref 57 is both a bare url, and needs archiving.
 * - Thanks for the review! Yeah, I think this one is in quite a rough shape, more so than my previous work because I simply add to existing content rather than doing a complete rewrite. I think I have fixed most of the issues you have mentioned above. Source 43 is redundant because the Eurogamer source covers it well, so I remove it completely. I hope I have improved the plot section now that I have removed some trivial details. Once again thanks for the review! AdrianGamer (talk) 07:12, 24 July 2018 (UTC)
 * Right. I've had another look through. Aside from one thing that I've fixed myself, I didn't see anything more to hold the article back. I'll be happy to give this a Pass. --ProtoDrake (talk) 07:30, 24 July 2018 (UTC)