Talk:Eppa Rixey/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer:  Neonblak talk  -  18:03, 15 January 2011 (UTC)

Interesting baseball player, I should enjoy reviewing this article. I am going to make a few changes here and there along the way, mostly maintenance stuff, and should be done within 24 - 48 hours. Neonblak talk  -  18:13, 15 January 2011 (UTC)

Lead section Early life Philadelphia Phillies Cincinnati Reds
 * I would move his nickname directly after his birth and death dates, it is preferred that the article begin with his proper name. like "Eppa Rixey (May 3, 1891 - February 28, 1963), nicknamed "Jephtha", was an..."
 * "He was discovered by Cy Rigler and signed directly with the Phillies, bypassing minor league ball." could be "He was discovered by umpire Cy Rigler who convinced him to sign directly with the Phillies, bypassing minor league baseball entirely."
 * "He also lost his only World Series game in 1915." could be "In 1915, the Phillies played in the World Series, and Rixey lost in only appearance."
 * I think it sounds better to include more highlights in the lead, a Hall of Famer should have plenty. for example: "After being traded to the Reds prior to the 1921 season, he won 20 or more game in a season three times, including a league-leading 25 in 1922, and posted eight consecutive winning seasons."
 * "He hung around for four more seasons before retiring in 1933." could be "He pitched another four season before retiring after the 1933 season."
 * "he was hated by his less-educated teammates in his first few years in the league. The teammates and fans came to accept Rixey and he was nicknamed "Jeptha" for his southern drawl." Could be "initially, he was disliked by his teammates, but was later accepted, earning the nickname "Jephtha" for his southern drawl."
 * "Rixey was born in Culpeper, Virginia. His father was a banker and moved the family to Charlottesville, Virginia when Rixey was ten." Sounds better like this "Rixey was born on May 3, 1891 in Culpepper, Virginia, and at the age of ten, his father, a banker, moved his family to Charlottesville, Virginia."
 * "His uncles was..." to "His uncles were.."
 * "He attended the University of Virginia, where he played basketball and baseball." you can add his brother's info here with a semi-colon. "He attended the University of Virginia, where he played baseketball and baseball; his brother Bill also played baseball for the University."
 * "Rixey came directly into the major leagues with the Phillies in 1912. Rixey never played a single game of minor League baseball before joining the team." to "Rixey joined the Phillies for the 1912 season without playing a single game of minor league baseball."
 * "Prior to the 1913 season, Rixey held out because he wanted to finish his studies at the University, which he was supposed to graduate in June. He signed just after the season started." Unclear to the novice, and could be one sentence for better flow. "Prior to the 1913 season, Rixey notified the Phillies of his desire to finish his studies at the University of Virginia and graduate in June, however, after some negotiation, he decided to sign a contract re-joined the team shortly after the season began."
 * "In 1913 he played in 35 games but started only 23. He won nine games, and had a 3.12 earned run average. In 1914 worsened to 2-11 with a 4.37 earned run average." to "That season, he appeared in 35 games, started 23 of them, winning nine games, and had a 3.12 earned run average. In 1914, his record worsened to 2-11, and his earned run average increased to 4.37."
 * "Rixey wen 11-12 with a 2.39 earned run average in 1915. The Phillies was able to win the pennant and faced the Boston Red Sox in the 1915 World Series." to "Rixey's record improved to 11–12 in 1915, and lowered his earned run average to 2.39 as the Phillies won the National League pennant and played the Boston Red Sox in the 1915 World Series."
 * "The next season, he had a tough luck season. Despite a 2.27 earned run average, Rixey led the league in losses with 22." to "In 1917, depsite having a low 2.27 earned run average, Rixey led the league in pitching losses."
 * "With the Phillies Rixey had 87 wins and 103 losses.[10] Prior to the 1920 rumors already circulated that his former manager, who signed with the Cincinnati Reds Pat Moran, was already interested in trading for Rixey. He never got along with manager Gavvy Cravath, and Cravath announced that he was going to trade Rixey before the end of the season.[11] During that season he was coached by former pitcher Jesse Tannehill, who Rixey admitted helped with his pitching delivery." needs an overhaul, I suggest "Prior to the 1920 season, rumours circulated that his former manager, Pat Moran, now with the Cincinnati Reds, was interested in traded for Rixey.  The relationship between Rixey and manager Gavvy Cravath was never good, and Cravath had let known his desire to trade him, however he stayed with the Phillies that season, working on his delivery with former pitcher Jesse Tannehill.  On November 22, 1920, Rixey was traded to the Cincinnati Reds in exchange for Jimmy Ring and Greasy Neale.  His record during his eight seasons with the Phillies was 87 wins and 103 losses."
 * I suggested removing the first line so that it can be inporporated into the timeline better.
 * "He won 19 games in 1921. He also set a record that season by allowing just one home run in 301 innings pitched." to "In his first season with the Reds, he won 19 games, and set a record by allowing just one home run in 301 inning pitched."
 * Is that record a National League record or a Major League record, and am I to assume that the record is still intact?
 * "Rixey had a league-high 25 wins in 1922, 20 in 1923, 15 in 1924, and 21 in 1925." could be clean-up like this "Over the next three seasons, he had 20 or more victories each season, with a league-leading total of 25 in 1922."
 * I'm not sure about that because he had a 20 win season three times in five years, so I don't know how to describe that. Secret account 20:18, 7 February 2011 (UTC)
 * There is nothing noted for the period of 1926 to 1929, I would add a line or two describing that four-season era as well.
 * "Rixey's play began to slip in 1930.." to "Rixey's production began to decline in 1930.."
 * "After that season, Rixey was used almost exclusively against the Pittsburgh Pirates." - this need an explanation. Do you mean, "Beginning in 1931 season through the 1933 season, Rixey played very little, and was used almost exclusively against the Pittsburgh Pirates."?
 * " He lingered in the Reds organization until 1933. " - not needed, and not encyclopedic.
 * "That year he was the only Reds pitcher..." to "For the 1933 season, he was the only Reds pitcher..."

Legacy
 * Most of this information was in the personal life, and I pulled some from Reds section to make this. This makes much better sense, and flows better, I will go ahead and clean it up myself. I also cleaned-up the Personal life section as well.
 * I will go ahead and put in the non-breaking spaces myself.
 * The photos need alt text.
 * They removed alt text as a requirement from featured articles. Secret account 20:18, 7 February 2011 (UTC)
 * I think that does it, I will put this on hold and will gladly promote this when the needs are address. :)

This is just one man's opinion, but this article feels rather short for a 20-year veteran and hall of famer. From the sources used, I'm sure more expansion could be done. If more sources would be needed, I'm sure I can find some. The article does look fine otherwise once the above issues are addressed. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 02:17, 17 January 2011 (UTC)
 * I had the same thought, almost all of his Reds career is covered in a paragraph, the "hall of fame" part of his career. I raised the issue of four missing seasons, and this entire section could be expanded much further.  He really isn't a very exciting Hall of Famer, but I agree that there could be much added. Neonblak  talk  -  03:40, 17 January 2011 (UTC)

Hey, I just noticed that Secret did a clean start, so he won't be returning to this article (fixing it after vanishing would kinda defeat the purpose of the latter). I'll fix up what I can this week, but realistically we might as well fail it. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 17:01, 18 January 2011 (UTC)
 * I saw that as well, but I thought I'd give him the opportunity to be involved, if he so chose, and fail it he didn't respond in the seven days. I'm open to suggestion, without a complete rewrite of the Reds section, this doesn't really meet the criteria for promotion to "B".  I appreciate any and all work that you put in the article. Neonblak  talk  -  17:45, 18 January 2011 (UTC)
 * I have this article on my watchlist on my other account, I'll try to fix it this weekend. I been busy with school and a baseball card buisness deal that is taking up the very little free time I have. I have to sort through 200,000 cards seperating the good from the junk. My laptop hard drive crashing didn't help the situation. Secret account 17:51, 18 January 2011 (UTC)

It has been 10 days since my review, and only small errors have been corrected. This article needs a complete copyedit, and his playing career needs much expansion, especially his time with the Reds, 7-8 years of his Hall of Fame prime are not covered. I suggest these be addressed before a re-submission is made. Thank you and good luck. Neonblak talk  -  01:01, 26 January 2011 (UTC)
 * I finally got the time to fix most of it, will expand a bit today or tomorrow. Thanks Secret account 20:18, 7 February 2011 (UTC)