Talk:Eric Anthony Abrahams/GA2

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 20:31, 8 September 2021 (UTC)

Comments
 * Four para lead seems excessive in an article of this size, per MOS:LEAD.
 * I mean, yes it is but I'm just not sure exactly what to cut... Thoughts?


 * "Oxford Abrhams was" typo, and comma after Oxford...
 * Fixed both


 * There's a link for List of presidents of the Oxford Union.
 * Linked


 * The lead seems to have a lead. The first para seems to be summarising the next three paras...
 * I don't think it's uncommon to have the first paragraph give a brief outline of the most notable things a person did and allude to them again in the next two paragraphs.. It's what I did in my FA Fabian Ware, for instance. Is there something you'd specifically cut?


 * Is it "director of tourism" or "Director of Toruism"
 * de-capped and de-capped Minister of Tourism too.


 * "member of the Jamaican Senate (1977) and ... elected to the Jamaican Parliament in 1980, " the Jamaican Senate was part of the Jamaican Parliament??
 * house of reps


 * "officially for "personal reasons", though the actual reason is unclear. " why speculate here?
 * several newspapers have speculated similarly, speculation that has made it into secondary sources such as Bryan 2011


 * "against the Gleaner Company, and" overlinked.
 * fixed


 * "English at the University of the West Indies beginning in 1958. Abrahams graduated in 1961 with a Bachelor of Arts from the University of London." odd transition from UWI to UL, explain?
 * added explanatory footnote


 * "Illness rendered him unable" what illness?
 * Specified


 * "and a mediocre student. He was a Rhodes Scholar " these two sentences seem incompatible.
 * Yes, they do, but it's what sources such as tuck say...
 * Looking into this, based on the selection criteria that were being used when Abrahams was a student, his mediocre academics would likely have been more than made up for by his student leadership, athletics.


 * "Oxford,[5][3][6][7] where" four citations (out of order) for one fact?
 * Ordered, but the four citations are for the preceding five sentences -- some might still be removable


 * "caused him trouble in admission," what does that mean?
 * clarified


 * "St. Peter's" no full stop in St
 * removed


 * "debating society, beginning debates" repetitive, and the Oxford Union began debates a lot earlier... I get what you're saying, but rephrase.
 * better?


 * "elected president" should be explicit and note that presidents of the union served a single-term term.
 * added


 * "Around 1964 he gave a speaking tour across the Middle East" how did he do that as a student??
 * Unfortunately, Tuck gives no more detail, but I wonder if it was connected to the student conference he attended... Of course those dates don't line up, but I just don't know.


 * "got the BBC to provide funding" -> "secured funding from the BBC"
 * sure


 * "speakers[12] like Malcolm X, who" speakers including Malcolm X, who.... [12]"
 * done


 * "Ambassador of South Africa to the United Kingdom" link? And who was that?
 * "worked at the BBC, in " overlnked.
 * cut


 * "a coup in Ghana" link?
 * linked (it's just a redirect atm)


 * "interviewing François Duvalier in Haiti" context?
 * Sources don't specify


 * "London.[16][3][6] Abrahams" ref order.
 * done


 * "director of tourism" capitalised or not?
 * standardized to not

Halfway through the "Political career" section, plenty to be getting on with here. The Rambling Man (Keep wearing the mask...) 20:46, 9 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks for comments to date, replied to some-- requested some pages to Tuck for others-- I had it but my access expired Eddie891 Talk Work 13:03, 10 September 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks, the above should be handled, with a few questions. I'm not particularly good at writing leads, so sorry for my ineptitude there... Eddie891 Talk Work 12:12, 11 September 2021 (UTC)