Talk:Erin McLeod/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Hmlarson (talk · contribs) 15:49, 30 June 2016 (UTC)

I will start listing review comments below over the next few days. Please indicate below when specific items have been updated. Thank you. Hmlarson (talk) 15:49, 30 June 2016 (UTC)

Lead Paragraph

 * 1) "McLeod's most controversial and well–known appearance came during the 2012 Summer Olympics in London." Can you provide citation(s) to support "controversial and well-known" or re-word to ensure WP:NPOV
 * 2) "The United States was given a penalty kick, which McLeod could not save." - please change to "did not save" or similar rewording. Also, in this section inclusion of the score at the 76th minute might be useful for understanding why this was so important/notable.


 * All items in this section have been addressed and subsequent edits were made. Soccerfan1996 (talk) 04:29, 1 July 2016 (UTC)

Early Life

 * 1) Big Ten Conference is linked several times except first mention. Please link first mention and de-link others per MOS:DUPLINK
 * 2) "Suharto airport" - I'm unable to find this airport via quick Google search. Can you check or re-word?
 * 3) For reference 18 supporting Penn State stats, please add page # to reference to verify info.
 * 4) "Her 0.957 winning percentage during the 2005 season is ranked first of all-time, while her winning percentage in 2004 of 0.875 is ranked second." I assume this is at the school - but would be good to add "at the school" or similar to clarify.
 * 5) Throughout the article when it mentions a w-l-d record, please use the Template:Win-loss record for clarity. There are a few in the college section.


 * For item #2, “Suharto airport” was directly from a quote by McLeod that is in the source I cited. Although, I had the same problem – I couldn’t figure out exactly what airport she was referencing. I reworded, as she did describe it as “not the main airport.” Also, a note on a few of the “citation needed” tags following some statements: A lot of her early history in Indonesia came from one article, because she doesn’t talk about it much. Because of this, there are full paragraphs that come from one source, which is why I only cited at the end of the paragraph to reduce duplications. For example, all of the information the second paragraph in the “Early Life” section came from that source, which I just cited at the end. Other than that, all items in this section have been addressed and subsequent edits were made. Soccerfan1996 (talk) 04:29, 1 July 2016 (UTC)

Club Career

 * 1) "as part of the W-League" --> please change to "in the W-League"
 * 2) "She never lost a game while playing for the Whitecaps, and helped bring in the club's first championships victory in 2004, where she made two saves in the resulting penalty shootout and scored the winning penalty herself. " --> 1) should this be "first championship"? 2) re-word sentence for clarity or split into 2 sentences
 * 3) "She won a second W-League title in 2006 with clean sheet over Ottawa Fury in the final" --> Reword to something like... In 2006, she helped the Whitecaps win a second W-League title after securing a shutout in the final against Ottawa Fury.
 * 4) Washington Freedom: how did the team do in the 2010 season?
 * 5) Dalsjöfors GoIF, 2011: Did they finish in last place?
 * 6) Chicago Red Stars: "she ranked seventh in the league for number of saves with and fifth for number of clean sheets with four." Add # of saves.
 * 7) Houston Dash: last paragraph --> 1) please add win-loss record template 2) add score of draw (last game)


 * All items in this section have been addressed and subsequent edits were made. Soccerfan1996 (talk) 04:29, 1 July 2016 (UTC)

International career

 * 1) First sentence is run-on. Please modify
 * 2) Link first instance of Canada women's national under-17 soccer team
 * 3) Link first instance of U-19 team to Canada women's national under-20 soccer team
 * 4) "on the roster" phrase is used frequently. Consider changing it up throughout section with different wording like "was named to the roster" "was called up to the team," "was a member of the U-17 team that..."
 * 5) Road to the World Championship: 1) "She recorded a shut out during the first match on May 30, but started in all three games." - change but to and 2) "The week long training camp" --> week-long
 * 6) 2002 FIFA U-19 Women’s World Championship: 1) add win-loss record template 2) change Mohawks to Mohawk hairstyle and re-word sentence for NPOV. 3) add citation for last sentence
 * 7) Transition to the Senior National Team: remove "only", "impressive" phrasing for NPOV
 * 8) The Struggle Towards #1, 2003 - 2006: 1) "McLeod was on the 18-player roster for the Algarve Cup" ... consider changing to "made the 18-player roster" 2) "In September 2003, McLeod was announced as being a part of the 20-player roster for the 2003 FIFA Women's World Cup. However, she did not make an appearance during the tournament, having been left on the bench in favor of Taryn Swiatek." - simplify wording 3) remove "; she did not want to stay on the bench" 4) "Her only other appearance" - change to "Her second appearance" 5) "She was on the 16-players roster" - remove s 6)
 * 9) 2007 FIFA Women's World Cup: remove "only"
 * 10) 2008 and the Beijing Olympics: 1) "McLeod was on the 21-player roster for the Four Nations tournament in China." when was she named to the roster? 2) remove "onlys" 3) "was part of Europe trip" --> re-word


 * All items in this section have been addressed and subsequent edits were made. Soccerfan1996 (talk) 04:29, 1 July 2016 (UTC)

General / Additional notes

 * 1) Please make sure all "shut out"(s) is changed to "shutout"(s) for consistency to match initial shutout
 * 2) Should U-17 and U-19 team info be added to infobox?
 * 3) (optional) Could add Athlete Ally to philanthropy section 1, 2
 * 4) 2015 > World Cup Preparation: 1) first sentence: Was McLeod in the extended residency? please clarify and add reference or remove. 2) ref needed for last sentence


 * All "shut out"(s) were changed. As for point two, I would like to add U-17 team info but there really isn't a lot of consistent/reliable information regarding appearances with the team. The team was just getting starting when she was playing and she was really only with the team for a short time before moving up to the U-19 team. As for U-19 team info, I have it in the infobox as U-20, because that is what the team is now called (although it was technically U-19 when she was on it). For point three, I've added information about her involvement as an Athlete Ally. Thanks for bringing that up; I completely forgot about that. For point four, I've clarified and added references to the first sentence. I've also moved the reference after the second to last sentence to after the last sentence, as they're both found in that same source. Keep listing any other notes you may have below and I'll check back again tomorrow. Thanks! Soccerfan1996 (talk) 03:42, 2 July 2016 (UTC)
 * I think it'd be best to add U-17 (link to U-17) to the infobox and just leave the caps blank for now if there's no solid info. Also, since she played for the U-19 team at the time, the link text should be changed to U-19 (but still link to U-20). Thanks for tackling all of the other items! Hmlarson (talk) 21:02, 2 July 2016 (UTC)

Round 3 Suggested Edits

 * 1) Under 2012 London Olympics "She made one other appearance during the tournament in the final match against the United States on January 29. During the match, she conceded four goals." Can you add final score or any other details about the match to provide more context?
 * 2) Ref #108 cannot be used due to copyright violations  --> Stayfast (September 14, 2015), 2008 olympics womens football quarter final usa v canada 1st half, retrieved June 7, 2016 --> please find some additional ones that can be added to the second paragraph under "Women's Olympic Football Tournament, Injury, and Setbacks"
 * 3) Is there another source that can be used for ref #159 erin.jpg
 * 4) please fill out full ref info for refs 162, 163
 * 5) ref 143 --> instead of last name, first name - > use agency=The Canadian Press
 * 6) ref 146 --> looks like there is extra comma in author name, add published date
 * 7) ref 148 --> add published date here and any others where needed
 * 8) please do a search in the article for "only" and remove where it is placed before reporting goals allowed or other statistics. e.g., "allowed only 23 goals in 18 games" would be "allowed 23 goals in 18 games" for WP:NPOV
 * 9) under Philanthropy -->  "I saw 7- or 8-year-olds who are taking care of a family of six because their parents have died of AIDs," McLeod said regarding her reason to get involved with the organization, "It's one of the harshest circumstances I've ever seen." - please reformat or split into two separate sentences.
 * Q: Does she have any endorsement deals or has she appeared in any magazines/media?
 * 1) Under Honors and Awards -> Under the international section, add what place/awards she won or are these all championships? Add refs for any that were not mentioned previously in the article with references.
 * 2) Make sure all headers and subheaders are lowercase except for first word or if proper noun
 * 3) The Struggle Towards #1, 2003–2006 header --> consider changing to something more neutral and clear.  #1 is a little confusing


 * Sorry about the delay, I was away on holiday.
 * 3 - There really isn't any other source I can find. It was hard to find references for her tattoos other than from pictures. She’s never really talked about most of them.
 * 10 - Added endorsement deal with a car dealership
 * 11 - There is only championships listed, and I added references.
 * Everything else was addressed and updated, except I still have to go through and add published dates to some references. I will be doing that later today and I'll let you know when that's completed. Thanks! Soccerfan1996 (talk) 15:28, 5 July 2016 (UTC)
 * Looking good . re: #3, do you know what the source of the photo is? If not, I would recommend removing the photo as a reference, unfortunately. I think once the refs are updated + a few more automated tool run-throughs, the article should be good to go. Hmlarson (talk) 04:18, 6 July 2016 (UTC)
 * , I was unable to find the source of the photo, so I've removed the reference and the line about that tattoo until I can find another source. I've also just finished going through the whole article and have added published dates to references where they were available. I noticed you updated that infobox with what you commented earlier; thanks for that, I completely forgot about it. Let me know if anything else should be done. Soccerfan1996 (talk) 04:42, 6 July 2016 (UTC)

Good Article Checklist
Passed! Hmlarson (talk) 23:05, 6 July 2016 (UTC)