Talk:Erin O'Toole/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Jaguar (talk · contribs) 00:33, 23 December 2020 (UTC)

I'll get to this soon. I quite like Erin. ♦ jaguar  00:33, 23 December 2020 (UTC)
 * Do you still plan on getting to this? If the review is partially done, I'd recommend posting the recommendations for certain sections of the article here so I can do them while you finish reviewing the rest of the article.  Username 6892  02:00, 30 December 2020 (UTC)
 * Apologies for the delay . I meant to do this earlier today but I've been very busy this week. I promise to finish the review tomorrow. ♦ jaguar  02:08, 30 December 2020 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * "simplifying federal taxes, allowing provinces to not have a carbon tax" - perhaps link carbon tax (or maybe Carbon pricing in Canada is more apt)
 * The lead summarises the article per WP:LEAD, so I see no issues here


 * Political career
 * "O'Toole considered entering the Ontario PC leadership election race" - some readers may not know what PC here stands for. I'd write this out fully: Ontario Progressive Conservatives leadership election race
 * "His tone was angrier than during his election run" - whose tone? The previous sentence mentioned Poilivere, for a moment I thought this was referring to him
 * "which he said was because he was increasingly worried about the country after 5 years under a Trudeau government" - this doesn't read well. Also small numbers should be preferably in prose (five years)
 * "The next week, he revealed his Shadow Cabinet. Most roles changed from those of the previous one led by Andrew Scheer" - this can be combined into one sentence to improve flow. Something like O'Toole formed his Shadow Cabinet the following week, changing most of the roles from the previous one led by Andrew Scheer.
 * "He appointed himself as the critic of middle class prosperity" - 'appointed' alludes that middle class prosperity is an office
 * " Following its failure after the Liberals declared it to be a confidence vote" - shouldn't this be Following its failure after the Liberals declared it to be '''a vote of no confidence?
 * I left this one (for now) as RS referred to it as a "confidence vote" or "confidence test".


 * "noting his experience in his hometown of Bowmanville watching auto workers lose their jobs" - how about noting his experience of watching auto workers lose their jobs in his hometown of Bowmanville


 * Political positions
 * "He has called for an incentive to reduce employment insurance premiums small and medium-sized businesses pay for new employees" - missing word between 'premiums' and 'small?' that small and medium-sized businesses pay?
 * "'Toole believes the path to reconciliation involves a focus on the economy in Indigenous communities" - link Indigenous peoples in Canada
 * "O'Toole claims that the economy will be unstable if Canada does not have rapid testing or a vaccine. When distribution of a vaccine was on the horizon" - COVID-19 vaccine should be linked in its first mention. Also 'on the horizon' seems a tad informal here, maybe replace it with just near
 * "after the Canada Emergency Response Benefit (CERB) runs out to summer 2021" - in?
 * The paragraphs in the Social issues subsection appear short and choppy. The four paragraphs could be safely merged into two to improve flow
 * "violations using provisions of the Sergei Magnitsky Act" - remove Sergei
 * "claiming China controls the company is controlled" - remove this
 * "He would give other providers tax credits to replace their infrastructure. He would pressure other countries" - this would flow better if combined. Replace this with and apply pressure

Overall this is a solid article with no glaring issues. It meets the criteria on comprehensibility, is well written and the sources all check out. I'll leave this until the above (albeit fairly minor) issues are clarified. Good work with this one. ♦ jaguar  13:47, 30 December 2020 (UTC)
 * I've responded to all your comments.  Username 6892  15:30, 30 December 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks for addressing them and good work. This looks good to go! ♦ jaguar  23:59, 30 December 2020 (UTC)