Talk:Esing Bakery incident/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Amitchell125 (talk · contribs) 18:49, 7 August 2019 (UTC)

I am happy to review this article. Amitchell125 18:49, 7 August 2019 (UTC)

Assessment
 :  ; and . 
 * The whole article is generally written to a high standard, I have itemised the minor changes to be made (see below).

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 * Some of the references need as they come from the same source.
 * I just used an online tool to catch duplicate entries, so this should now be fixed.
 * Thanks.
 * There are parts of the article that have very similar text to the sources, particularly from https://core.ac.uk/download/pdf/42630523.pdf.
 * Sorted.

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 * Most of the article is absolutely fine. I have listed for each section the issues I have identified that need to be addressed, some of which are quite minor.

Lead section

 * You should use Lowe and McLaughlin's Introduction to emphasise the notability of the case - e.g., its unparalleled nature, the aspects that are still unresolved, and what the incident says about "the precarious nature of early colonial Hong Kong".
 * , will do.
 * ✅, though you'll want to double-check that I've resolved this to your satisfaction. I only added citations for the unprecedented nature since I think the others summarise info covered in the sections on responsibility and effects.
 * It looks fine now. Amitchell125 14:44, 16 August 2019 (UTC)
 * Bowman (p. 307) refers to Cheong Ah-lum as Zhang Yalin - does this need to be mentioned in note 2 as an alternative name?
 * , I don't think so: Zhang Yalin is the pinyin for the Mandarin reading of his name, but it strikes me as gratuitous because no one involved in the event would have been speaking Mandarin, and I can't find anyone other than Bowman who uses it.
 * Agreed, don't change anything. Amitchell125 05:43, 9 August 2019 (UTC)

Background

 * 'coolie labourer' or just 'coolie'? (a coolie is a labourer); why 'to the north'?
 * ✅. Deleted "to the north" and "labourer". I added "labourer" since from personal experience lots of people don't know what a coolie is; "labourer" or "Chinese labourer" piped to coolie might also be an option maybe.
 * change 'Hong Kong Governor' to 'the Governor of Hong Kong'.
 * 'British "rebel barbarians" and ordering Chinese to renounce employment by the "foreign dogs" ' - are these actual quotations?
 * Yes (given in block quotes by L&M)—not sure if this needs to be specified?
 * Specified by amending the sentence slightly. Amitchell125 05:45, 9 August 2019 (UTC)
 * Carroll discusses the problems the authorities faced concerning piracy in the area - this should be added as one of the issues the British were 'also faced with'.
 * Carroll discusses the problems the authorities faced concerning piracy in the area - this should be added as one of the issues the British were 'also faced with'.

Course of events

 * 'The quantity of arsenic, however, was high enough that it acted as an emetic, causing the poison to be vomited out before it could become lethal, preventing potential fatalities' needs to be shortened to 'The quantity of arsenic involved was high enough to cause the poison to be vomited out before it killed the victim' (information duplicated twice).
 * ✅ with slight tweak.
 * 'coordinated an emergency response' can be taken out.
 * replace 'desired that Cheong be' with 'wished Cheong to be'; 'remainder of the detainees' with 'other detainees'; 'had suffered from the poisoning;' with 'had been poisoned;'; 'and claimed' with 'and added'.
 * - almost all done except I've used "shown symptoms of poisoning" rather than "had been poisoned" since that was what I was getting at (though could go with "had been poisoned" and a verb other than "noted").
 * Understood. Amitchell125 05:49, 9 August 2019 (UTC)
 * 'sued for libel by Bridges and forced to pay a fine of £100'. $?
 * There were a range of different currencies in use in Hong Kong at the time. $ is almost certainly Spanish dollars, £ is obviously pound sterling. Could be specified though I'm not sure if there's a source that's specific on the $.
 * As '£' is correct according to Cameron, keep it in, but add "According to the author Nigel Cameron" within the sentence, to emphasise that the currency is deliberately inconsistent with the rest of the article. Or just shorten it to 'forced to pay a fine'. Amitchell125 05:58, 9 August 2019 (UTC)
 * I've gone for a slightly different tack because I think an "according to" construction might be taken the wrong way as suggesting there's uncertainty about the judgement. Instead I've added a note to both figures referencing Munn, who has a useful table and note on currencies used in the colony—hopefully that sorts out the concern.
 * Neatly solved. Amitchell125 14:44, 16 August 2019 (UTC)
 * add that Cheong left Hong Kong with his family - not alone, as is implied in the article. (Carroll p. 26)
 * ref 11a - that the arsenic acted as an emetic is written elsewhere in Lowe and McLaughlin's paper - you need to add a reference to another page.
 * ref 15a and b - no mention in the South China Morning Post of Anstey's call for a court-marshall, or Bowring's insistence of a trial by jury. Both facts are mentioned by Lowe and McLaughlin, so use them instead.
 * ref 20 - a Mr. Day also defended the prisoners, as mentioned on p. 416.
 * ✅—John Day, who also served as Acting Attorney General (very difficult to find info on him because of his improbably search-engine-unfriendly name).
 * ref 15a and b - no mention in the South China Morning Post of Anstey's call for a court-marshall, or Bowring's insistence of a trial by jury. Both facts are mentioned by Lowe and McLaughlin, so use them instead.
 * ref 20 - a Mr. Day also defended the prisoners, as mentioned on p. 416.
 * ✅—John Day, who also served as Acting Attorney General (very difficult to find info on him because of his improbably search-engine-unfriendly name).
 * ✅—John Day, who also served as Acting Attorney General (very difficult to find info on him because of his improbably search-engine-unfriendly name).

Analysis

 * remove both links from the quote, and put in the Notes section.
 * Do you mean the links for drachm/grain and if so what should the note say?
 * Sorted. (See MOS:LINKQUOTE for why I think it needed to be done). Amitchell125 07:03, 9 August 2019 (UTC)
 * 'dispatched to Europe' - too vague.
 * , off the top of my head they were sent to Bavaria and Britain but will need to double-check sources first.
 * remove 'normally a powerful poison' (already discussed).
 * remove '(see below)' from the caption as being neither clear or necessary.
 * ✅, though I added it because the reference for the claim in the caption is in that section.
 * can you explain the '[9 parts per thousand]' within the quote? I don't understand it at all.
 * MOS says imperial units should be given alongside metric equivalents, but in this case it's a weight divided by a weight, or in other words a dimensionless quantity. Parts per thousand is just % except out of 1000 instead of 100. Unsure if this needs clarification in the article, maybe just a link for "parts per thousand"?
 * Sorted. Thanks for explaining. Amitchell125 07:35, 9 August 2019 (UTC)
 * Sorted. Thanks for explaining. Amitchell125 07:35, 9 August 2019 (UTC)

Effects and aftermath

 * name the 'Another newspaper' if possible.
 * ✅ (same source).
 * Why is ' "fear and panic" ' in quotation marks?
 * ✅, changed to "In a state of panic". My thought was that without the quotes "Gripped by fear and panic" might come off as emotive/POV.
 * who was Chan Tsz-tin?
 * remove '(see above)'.
 * I think the two points above are connected, so —Chan Tsz-tin's identity is given in the linked section ("a confiscated letter to Chan Kwei-tsih, the head of the resistance committee in Xin'an County, from his brother Tsz-tin"), hence the back-link to clarify who he is and avoid repetition. Could be anchored to that specific paragraph?
 * I suggest 'Chan Tsz-tin described the aftermath of the incident in the letter to Chan Kwei-tsih that was published by the press in June 1857:' would be enough to refer to the letter described in the Analysis section. Amitchell125 07:50, 9 August 2019 (UTC)
 * 'took over the supply of bread' - for the colony/area/street? Carroll (p. 26) mentions that the bakery was the only "Western-style one remaining in the colony", and this needs to be clear within the article.
 * , have clarified "to the colonial community" here but will deal with the importance of Cheong's bakery in the course of events section.
 * 'Soon after the incident' - the poisoning or the arson attack?
 * ✅—given the timeframe either would probably work, but I've specified the poisoning.
 * Duddell is described by Cameron as "one of the colony's most devious crooks" (p. 83). I definitely think Cameron needs to be quoted!
 * ✅, good idea—I was considering starting an article on Duddell just earlier, actually.

An interesting and impressively written article, and not much needs to be changed. The above list looks a little daunting, but it shouldn't take that long to sort out (please cross out each line on completion). I still have a reference or two to check (involving a bike trip to my local university library), but otherwise the review is done. I have put the article on hold for seven days to allow time for the above changes to be done. Amitchell125 (talk) 20:40, 8 August 2019 (UTC)
 * Thanks a lot for the very quick and comprehensive review! I'll go through your detailed points section by section (and have already started), but just a query on the copyvio point under 2d: Checking Earwig all the main chunks that are flagged are given as direct quotations (e.g. the charges at the Supreme Court, the letter to Xin'an, one quotation from L&M themselves), but I can see there might be an issue with the second paragraph of the "Course of events" section (e.g. "committed for trial at the Supreme Court", "remainder of the detainees" etc), was that you were thinking of? —Nizolan (talk · c.) 21:21, 8 August 2019 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your work so far, Nizolan. Looking again at 2d, I can see what you mean about the direct quotations, which are clearly shown as such in the article. I have addressed the other duplicated phrases in the Course of Events section. Amitchell125 08:08, 9 August 2019 (UTC)
 * I am now passing the article, it is now in excellent shape. Excellent work, Nizolan. Amitchell125 15:38, 16 August 2019 (UTC)
 * Thanks —apologies for leaving a couple of loose ends, I was tied down a bit in the last few days. —Nizolan (talk · c.) 17:33, 16 August 2019 (UTC)