Talk:Evans Bay Patent Slip/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Sammi Brie (talk · contribs) 05:03, 24 January 2023 (UTC)

Welcome to GAN! Almost there, but some things can be improved. Mostly copy tweaks. There's also a source that might need better reparaphrasing/rewording. 7-day hold to (ping me when ready). Sammi Brie (she/her • t • c) 05:03, 24 January 2023 (UTC)


 * Hi and thank you for reviewing this article. I have changed the commas as requested - thank you for the good explanation. The only place I haven't added one is "and by May 1863 the slip was in operation" because I don't think a comma is appropriate there. A comma signifies a pause and a pause after 1863 doesn't feel right to me.
 * I checked the Heritage New Zealand website and confirmed that the correct style is Category 1 (with a capital) historic place (no caps), so I have fixed that - I should have picked that up up before!
 * I have reworded a few sentences after looking at your Earwig tool.
 * I also added alt-text to the images that were missing this.
 * This is my first GAN - is there anything else I should do? Thanks for your time.Wainuiomartian (talk) 06:43, 24 January 2023 (UTC)
 * Things are better. I still have some issues to avoid close paraphrasing in that one passage, particularly , , and . There are definitely some unavoidable formulations (in addition to a couple of proper nouns). I'd like to see those fixed.
 * Your category finding, on the other hand, is going to unravel a big ball of wax. We have categories and templates that require updating...a lot of them. Sammi Brie  (she/her • t • c) 07:51, 25 January 2023 (UTC)
 * Sorry for not pinging you, @Wainuiomartian. Sammi Brie  (she/her • t • c) 02:48, 26 January 2023 (UTC)
 * Do I need to put your name? @Sammi Brie? Sorry if I should have done that... Wainuiomartian (talk) 03:14, 26 January 2023 (UTC)
 * Okay, I think I've fixed that section. It took me a while to realise what you meant by my "category finding" but I realised you were referring to the Heritage NZ categories. It looks like I can't change the category in the infobox because that is a template.Wainuiomartian (talk) 03:12, 26 January 2023 (UTC)
 * Your ping is correct. That generates a notification like that one you got. The infobox has been modified because I went to Designation/text and updated it—this change will appear on any appropriately labeled infobox! As to the category labeling (a separate item from the infobox), that's not an issue that is in the scope of this review—it's now at Categories for discussion. I will be passing this. Sammi Brie  (she/her • t • c) 04:04, 26 January 2023 (UTC)

Copy changes
There are a lot of comma shifts I'm going to recommend. User:Sammi Brie/Commas in sentences explains most of them. If you can split the sentence and get a subject AND verb on either side, then you need ", and" with comma.

Lead

 * The Wellington Provincial Council was keen to encourage shipping trade by improving facilities in Wellington Harbour, and began planning later in 1863 for the construction of a larger patent slip. remove comma
 * The Wellington Patent Slip Company was formed to take over the assets and construction began in 1871. add comma after "assets"
 * However, the site has been listed as a category II historic place by Heritage New Zealand Capitalize "Category"

First slipway

 * A contract was let to shipwright Edward Thirkell and by May 1863 the slip was in operation. add comma after "thirkell", and then a second after "May 1863" would be good
 * The slip itself consisted of two wooden "slideways" for the keel and the bilge and the low end sat in eight feet of water at low tide. Add a comma after "bilge". Consider using convert for "eight feet" as in this example: 8 ft
 * The New Zealand Steam Navigation Company went into liquidation in 1871 and management of the slip passed to the newly formed Patent Slip Company. Add a comma after 1871
 * The wooden slip was in use at least until 1873 when the new slip was built slightly south of it. add a comma after 1873, just to help readability

Patent Slip

 * In December 1863, the New Zealand Government passed empowering legislation, authorising the Superintendent of Wellington to compulsorily acquire an area of land up to 20 acres (8.1 ha) at Evans Bay for the construction of a larger Patent Slip The second comma is not needed.
 * the Provincial Council was unable to fund the construction, and decided to grant a concession for a slipway to be built and operated. Remove comma
 * In 1866, Kennards sent hundreds of tons of machinery to Evans Bay but there was a dispute and the equipment sat there for five years Two commas needed here: after Bay and dispute
 * make "2000" "2,000"
 * Category 2 Historic Place Use "II" to be consistent.

Sourcing and spot checks
Earwig, our copyvio detector tool, does turn up a few areas to suggest rewording, particularly the machinery description: ,.

Five sources were selected for spot checks:


 * 6: Mention of land being re-conveyed to the Patent Slip Company. ✅
 * 7: Mention of use of the "old slip" in Evans Bay. ✅
 * 16: Newspaper description of how two boats could use the slip. ✅
 * 19: Description of incident. ✅
 * 20: Description of incident. ✅

Images
There are nine images, all public domain or in works offered as CC-BY-SA (though also seemingly out of copyright there, too). Encouragement (not required for GA but something I suggest): Add alt text to each image for the benefit of users using screen readers.