Talk:Evolution/LeadComparison

Rewriting Lead Section
Things are starting to get confusing, so I will assign letters and numbers to the proposed lead sections so we can discuss them.
 * Text A.1 is my current lead proposal as shown below
 * Text C.1 was the lead proposal before Slrubinstein made it "clearer", as shown below
 * Text C.2 is the lead proposal after Slrubinstein made it clearer, as shown below.
 * Text AC.1 is the previous lead immediately after the last big change, as shown below
 * Text P.1 is the previous lead before the last big change, as shown below

Lead Text Proposal A.1
In biology, evolution refers to the changes in organisms from generation to generation. Some organism traits become more common over time, and this change of the distribution of traits is evolution.

An important evolutionary process is natural selection. Natural selection is a mechanism for choosing those characteristics which best enable an organism to survive and reproduce. When the organism reproduces, some of these useful traits are passed along to its descendents.

These traits include pre-existing inherited traits, new traits produced by mutation, and those brought in by the migration of organisms from one population to another. The knowledge about these traits is carried using the units of biological information called genes, which are passed from the parents to the offspring.

There are other processes in evolution besides natural selection. Given enough time, evolution can result in a variety of adaptations to changing environmental conditions. Eventually, these changes can lead to the development of new species from existing ones, a process known as speciation. With its enormous explanatory and predictive power, evolution has become the central organizing principle of modern biology,   relating directly to topics such as the origin of antibiotic resistance in bacteria, eusociality in insects, and the biodiversity of Earth's ecosystem.

However, evolution's conflicts with religious teachings have resulted in social and religious controversies. The interested reader is directed to other companion articles where these controversies are explored more fully.

Lead Text Proposal C.1
In biology, evolution refers to the process in which some traits in populations to become more common over time. This includes pre-existing inherited traits, new traits produced by mutation, and those brought in by the migration of organisms (or lateral transfer of genes) from one population to another ("gene flow").

Natural selection is a key part of this process. Since some traits or collections of traits allow an organism to survive and produce more offspring than an organism lacking them, and genes are passed on by reproduction, those that increase survival and reproductive success are more likely to be passed on in comparison to those genes that do not. Therefore, the number of organisms with these traits will tend to increase with each passing generation, unless conditions change so as to make them no longer favourable.

Other mechanisms of evolutionary change include genetic drift, or random changes in frequency of traits (most important when the traits are, at that time, reproductively neutral), and the founder effect, in which a small group of organisms isolated from the main population will have more of the traits of the founders. This can be observed for many generations after isolation, even when some of the traits are detrimental. Given enough time, these passive processes can result in varied adaptations (or exaptations) to changing environmental conditions and, eventually, the development of new species from existing ones — a process known as speciation. With its enormous explanatory and predictive power, evolution has become the central organizing principle of modern biology.

Lead text Proposal C.2
In biology, evolution is change in the heritable traits of a population over successive generations, as determined by shifts in the allele frequencies of genes. Over time, this process can result in speciation, the development of new species from existing ones. According to the theory of evolution, all contemporary organisms on earth are related to each other through common descent, the products of cumulative evolutionary changes over billions of years. Evolution is thus the source of the vast diversity of life on Earth, including the many extinct species attested to in the fossil record.

The basic mechanisms that produce evolutionary change are natural selection (which includes ecological, sexual, and kin selection) and genetic drift; these two mechanisms act on the genetic variation created by mutation, genetic recombination, and gene flow. Natural selection is the process by which individual organisms with favorable traits are more likely to survive and reproduce. If those traits are heritable, they are passed to the organisms' offspring, with the result that beneficial heritable traits become more common in the next generation. Given enough time, this passive process can result in varied adaptations to changing environmental conditions.

The modern understanding of evolution is based on the theory of natural selection, which was first set out in a joint presentation in 1858 of a pair of papers by Charles Darwin and Alfred Russel Wallace and popularized in Darwin's 1859 book The Origin of Species. In the 1930s, Darwinian natural selection was combined with the theory of Mendelian heredity to form the modern evolutionary synthesis, also known as "Neo-Darwinism". The modern synthesis describes evolution as a change in the frequency of alleles within a population from one generation to the next. With its enormous explanatory and predictive power, this theory has become the central organizing principle of modern biology, relating directly to topics such as the origin of antibiotic resistance in bacteria, eusociality in insects, and the biodiversity of Earth's ecosystem. With its enormous explanatory and predictive power, the modern synthesis has become the central organizing principle of modern biology.

Lead text proposal AC.1
In biology, evolution refers to the processes that cause some inherited traits, and new traits produced by mutation, to become more common relative to others over time. Natural selection, the most important of these, works because some traits or collections of traits will, on average, increase reproductive success, either by protecting the organism from dying before it can reproduce ("ecological selection"), by enhancing his reproductive success directly, such as the peacock's plumage ("sexual selection"), or by increasing the survival of its relatives, which share some of the organism's genes ("kin selection"), which becomes important in the evolution of social organisms such as bees. As genes are passed on by reproduction, those that increase reproductive success are more likely to be passed on in comparison to neutral or relatively unfavourable traits, and so, generation to generation, the number of organisms with these traits will tend to increase, unless conditions change so as to make them no longer favourable. Other, less important mechanisms of change include gentic drift (random changes in frequency of traits, most important when the traits are, at that time, reproductively neutral), and the founder effect, in which, if a small group of organisms become isolated from the main population, that isolated population will, even many generations on, tend to have a higher frequency of any rare variations in the founders as compared to the original, larger population. Given enough time, these passive process can result in varied adaptations to changing environmental conditions,

The modern understanding of evolution is based on the theory of natural selection, which was first set out in a joint presentation in 1858 of a pair of papers by Charles Darwin and Alfred Russel Wallace and popularized in Darwin's 1859 book The Origin of Species. In the 1930s, Darwinian natural selection was combined with the theory of Mendelian heredity to form the modern evolutionary synthesis, also known as "Neo-Darwinism". The modern synthesis describes evolution as a change in the frequency of alleles within a population from one generation to the next. With its enormous explanatory and predictive power, this theory has become the central organizing principle of modern biology, relating directly to topics such as the origin of antibiotic resistance in bacteria, eusociality in insects, and the biodiversity of Earth's ecosystem.

Although there is overwhelming scientific consensus supporting the validity of evolution,   it has been at the center of many social and religious controversies since its inception because of its implications for the origins of humankind.

Lead Text Proposal P.1
In biology, evolution is change in the heritable traits of a population over successive generations and interaction with the environment. This is determined by variation in the units of heredity ("shifts in the allele frequency of genes") and the reproductive success of any variation. Over time, this process can result in speciation, the development of new species from existing ones. All contemporary organisms on earth are related to each other through common descent, the products of cumulative evolutionary changes over billions of years. Evolution is thus responsible for the vast diversity of life on Earth, including the many extinct species attested to in the fossil record.

Readability reports
From the readability site : Interpreting the Results
 * Writing greater than 30% easier to read than the Internet is ideal.
 * Writing between 10-30% would be considered for high school graduate or higher.
 * Writing less than 10% easier than the Internet generally is meant for college graduate or higher.
 * Writing that is more difficult to read than the Internet should be avoided regardless of audience.

Proposal A.1 readability report
Adaptations, Antibiotic, Bacteria, Besides, Biodiversity, Biological, Biology, Brought, Carried, Characteristics, Choosing, Companion, Conflicts, Controversies, Descendents, Earths, Ecosystem, Enormous, Environmental, Eusociality, Evolution, Evolutionary, Evolutions, Explanatory, Explored, Genes, Inherited, Insects, Mechanism, Migration, Mutation, Offspring, Organism, Organisms, Organizing, Predictive, Preexisting, Principle, Processes, Religious, Reproduces, Resulted, Speciation, Species, Teachings, Traits, Units,
 * Online Readability Software - Analysis Report
 * Number of words analyzed: 189
 * Readability: 1 % more difficult to read than than the average writing on the Internet
 * Uncommon words found: these should be replaced with more often used synonyms to improve the readability

First two paragraphs of A.1 analyzed (to be comparable to P.1)
Biology, Characteristics, Choosing, Descendents, Evolution, Evolutionary, Mechanism, Organism, Organisms, Reproduces, Traits,
 * Number of words analyzed: 56
 * Readability: 0 % more difficult to read than than the average writing on the Internet
 * Uncommon words found: these should be replaced with more often used synonyms to improve the readability

Proposal C.1 readability report
Adaptations, Biology, Brought, Collections, Comparison, Detrimental, Drift, Enormous, Environmental, Evolution, Evolutionary, Exaptations, Explanatory, Favourable, Flow, Founders, Frequency, Gene, Generations, Genes, Genetic, Inherited, Isolated, Isolation, Lacking, Lateral, Likely, Mechanisms, Migration, Mutation, Neutral, Observed, Offspring, Organism, Organisms, Organizing, Passing, Passive, Populations, Predictive, Preexisting, Principle, Processes, Produce, Random, Reproduction, Reproductive, Reproductively, Speciation, Species, Survival, Tend, Traits, Varied
 * Number of words analyzed: 200
 * Readability: 5 % more difficult to read than than the average writing on the Internet
 * Uncommon words found: these should be replaced with more often used synonyms to improve the readability

Proposal C.2 readability report
Adaptations, Alfred, Allele, Alleles, Antibiotic, Attested, Bacteria, Beneficial, Billions, Biodiversity, Biology, Combined, Cumulative, Darwin, Darwinian, Darwins, Descent, Diversity, Drift, Earths, Ecological, Ecosystem, Enormous, Environmental, Eusociality, Evolution, Evolutionary, Explanatory, Extinct, Favorable, Flow, Fossil, Frequencies, Frequency, Gene, Generations, Genes, Genetic, Heredity, Heritable, Insects, Joint, Kin, Likely, Mechanisms, Mendelian, Mutation, Neodarwinism, Offspring, Organisms, Organizing, Pair, Papers, Passive, Popularized, Predictive, Presentation, Principle, Produce, Recombination, Russel, Sexual, Shifts, Speciation, Species, Successive, Synthesis, Theory, Traits, Variation, Varied,
 * Number of words analyzed: 274
 * Readability: 4 % more difficult to read than than the average writing on the Internet
 * Uncommon words found: these should be replaced with more often used synonyms to improve the readability

Proposal AC.1 readability report
Adaptations, Alfred, Alleles, Antibiotic, Average, Bacteria, Bees, Biodiversity, Biology, Collections, Combined, Compared, Comparison, Consensus, Controversies, Darwin, Darwinian, Darwins, Drift, Dying, Earths, Ecological, Ecosystem, Enhancing, Enormous, Environmental, Eusociality, Evolution, Evolutionary, Explanatory, Favourable, Founders, Frequency, Generations, Genes, Gentic, Heredity, Humankind, Implications, Inception, Increasing, Inherited, Insects, Isolated, Joint, Kin, Larger, Likely, Mechanisms, Mendelian, Mutation, Neodarwinism, Neutral, Organism, Organisms, Organizing, Origins, Overwhelming, Pair, Papers, Passive, Peacocks, Plumage, Popularized, Predictive, Presentation, Principle, Processes, Protecting, Random, Rare, Relative, Relatively, Relatives, Religious, Reproduction, Reproductive, Reproductively, Russel, Scientific, Sexual, Species, Supporting, Survival, Synthesis, Tend, Theory, Traits, Unfavourable, Validity, Variations, Varied,
 * Number of words analyzed: 317
 * Readability: 7 % more difficult to read than than the average writing on the Internet
 * Uncommon words found: these should be replaced with more often used synonyms to improve the readability

Proposal P.1 readability report
Allele, Attested, Billions, Biology, Cumulative, Descent, Diversity, Evolution, Evolutionary, Extinct, Fossil, Frequency, Generations, Genes, Heredity, Heritable, Interaction, Organisms, Reproductive, Shifts, Speciation, Species, Successive, Traits, Units, Variation,
 * Number of words analyzed: 83
 * Readability: 2 % more difficult to read than than the average writing on the Internet
 * Uncommon words found: these should be replaced with more often used synonyms to improve the readability

Filll's comments

 * I changed my version A.1 to incorporate comments by Adam Cuerden, Margareta, Titanium Dragon, GetAgrippa
 * My version is clearly built on a revision of Adam Cuerden's version. What I tried to do was to remove some of the compound sentences and break things into short paragraphs.
 * Versions A.1 and C.1 are roughly the same length, and both quite a bit longer than version P.1.
 * The referral to the controversy with creationism in my version A.1 is no longer in the current version C.1, but is just derived from Adam Cuerden's original version. --Filll 16:09, 15 December 2006 (UTC)

Adam Cuerden's comments
I should probably mention that everything after the first paragraph of my first revision was just taken unaltered from the introduction. Of them all, I far prefer C1: C2's introduction of common descent is awkward, and I'd rather see it added near the end. IT's also a bit more jumbled. Adam Cuerden talk 01:26, 16 December 2006 (UTC)


 * My preference is for C1 also. It is more readable, flows well between sentences and paragraphs, and introduces the key concepts without getting too jargony.--Margareta 02:01, 16 December 2006 (UTC)