Talk:FAE grp/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 09:39, 8 January 2021 (UTC)

I will start reviewing this article today, though may need more than a day to review it since I'm somewhat pre-occupied with preparing another article. --K. Peake 09:39, 8 January 2021 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Wikilink Len Blavatnik


 * Target CFO to Chief financial officer


 * Target SVP to Senior vice president per MOS:LINK2SECT


 * Sports management → Sports Management


 * Venture Capital → Venture capital


 * Target joint venture entertainment to Joint venture


 * Though the company having an office in London is sourced in the body, the same info for NYC and LA is not
 * , added to the history section


 * "absorbed Turn First Artists which" → "absorbed Turn First Artists, which"


 * Target seed funding to Seed money


 * Zayn Malik is not sourced as having been managed by the company in the body, unlike the others


 * Even though it is sourced that the Pussycat Dolls are signed to the label, nowhere in the body does it say about the reformation mentioned here; also remove the introduction to them from here since the identity should only be in the body if they are not the main subject, like the artists previously mentioned


 * "American rapper Lil Peep was also managed" → "Lil Peep was also managed"


 * Target posthumously to posthumous in the Wikitionary


 * "is subject to a wrongful death lawsuit by Peep's mother against FAE" → "was subject to a wrongful death lawsuit by his mother against the company"


 * "in late 2019-early 2020." the part in bold is not sourced in the body
 * it's implied in the source here on January 6th where the company provides a legal response - the implication is that the case is still on-going. There's no mention of a verdict yet. ≫  Lil- Unique1  -{ Talk  }- 17:49, 11 January 2021 (UTC)
 * That helps make more sense of this, but why don't you write "of which has been going through the US justice system since late 2019." instead? Also, good job on responding to my first batch of comments; when will you have the remainder done, ideally? --K. Peake 21:23, 11 January 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks Kyle. I'll try and address the rest either tomorrow or by Wednesday at the latest. Perhaps check back on Wednesday to be sure? ≫  Lil- Unique1  -{ Talk  }- 22:48, 11 January 2021 (UTC)
 * Yeah I will try to do that, but try to implement the above change or something similar. --K. Peake 06:43, 12 January 2021 (UTC)

History

 * Wikilink West London


 * "by music manager, Sarah Stennett." → "by music manager Sarah Stennett."


 * "Stennett has been" → "With the agency, Stennett has been" to be more specific


 * Zayn Malik should be mentioned in this sentence and add appropriate ref(s) to back the info up, plus the last listed musician needs to have an "and" before them.


 * "the Grammy award-winning" → "the Grammy Award-winning" with the wikilink


 * "The Invisible Men, which includes" → "the Invisible Men that includes" per MOS:THEMUSIC, and to avoid repetitive wording


 * Wikilink Len Blavatnik


 * Wikilink Access Industries
 * "would form of a new joint venture called First Access Entertainment." → "would form a new joint venture called First Access Entertainment (FAE)." with the wikilink


 * Maybe it should directly be mentioned somewhere here the venture was founded in 2015, as only the year of the announcement is sourced currently?
 * "First Access Entertainment offers services" → "The company offers services"


 * "as their President of" → "as their vice president of"
 * ≫  Lil- Unique1  -{ Talk  }- 17:21, 13 January 2021 (UTC)

Roster

 * The issue that I mentioned about the Pussycat Dolls earlier should probably be fixed by writing out the info in prose here

Digital tours

 * Are you sure the during interview part should be in the first sentence since the overseeing mentioned did not happen in the interview; he only spoke of it?


 * "Senior VP of A&R at First Access, Le'Roy Benros," → "senior VP of A&R at FAE le'Roy Benros" with the target per MOS:LINK2SECT, and add wording in-between here and the quote if you move the interview part mentioned above; ask me if you have any queries regarding this


 * Wikilink Kwamie Liv


 * If the interview part is switched, then the other would start as: "Commenting on the venture during a 2020 interview with the Los Angeles Times,"


 * "the current COVID-19 pandemic he said" → "the ongoing COVID-19 pandemic, he said that"
 * ≫  Lil- Unique1  -{ Talk  }- 17:28, 13 January 2021 (UTC)

Other Ventures

 * Retitle to Other ventures, as the capitalisation of the second word is not needed

First Access Publishing

 * Add a space after publishing company


 * Target Warner/Chappell to Warner Chappell Music


 * "global copyright administration."" → "global copyright administration"." because this is not a full sentence quoted


 * Wikilink Jon Platt


 * "a press release, saying" → "a press release, saying:"

First Access Sports

 * "Stennett said "We" → "Stennett said: "We"


 * Wikilink youth culture


 * "added "First Access Entertainment has a" → "added that FAE "has a" to reduce the amount of times the full name is quoted, as this is easy here when it begins the quote

Fund by Access Entertainment

 * ""Fund by Access Entertainment," a seed funding" → ""Fund by Access Entertainment", a seed funding" with the target


 * "for youth entrepreneurs launching ventures centred around culture." → "for entrepreneurs launching ventures centred around youth culture." since the current phrasing is the wrong way round per the source

The Qube

 * "and collaborate. The flagship" → "and collaborate". The flagship" since the later part is stating facts and shouldn't be part of a quote like an opinion piece or statement
 * Target soundproofed to Soundproofing


 * "garden terrace is due to open in January 2020."" → "garden terrace, and it is due to open in January 2020."


 * "in the venture include," → "in the venture include;"


 * Target Concord Music to Concord Music Group

Death of Lil Peep

 * Img looks good


 * "the rapper was managed by First Access Entertainment." → "he was managed by FAE." to avoid stating "rapper" too close and not using the abbreviation


 * "Peep's mother Liza Womack filed" → "The rapper's mother Liza Womack filed"


 * "against First Access in 2019, "accusing" → "against FAE in 2019, accusing" per earlier comment about quotes


 * "to the rapper's death in 2017 of an accidental drugs overdose."" → "to his death in 2017 of an accidental drugs overdose."


 * "to take them."" → "to take them"."


 * "In responding statements, First Access expressed" → "In a responding statement, FAE expressed"


 * Remove "company statement from First Access." since that is already clear from the preceding text


 * "First Access formally filed" → "FAE formally filed"


 * Target Los Angeles Superior Court to Los Angeles County Superior Court


 * "all claims including claims of" → "all claims, including ones of"


 * "and wrongful death."" → "and wrongful death"."


 * "protective of him from day one."" → "protective" of Lil Peep "from day one"." since we do not know who "him" refers to otherwise


 * "First Access said that" → "The company said that"


 * "First Access supported the release" → "FAE supported the release"


 * "Come Over When You're Sober, Pt. 2 (2019) which reached number four on the" → "Come Over When You're Sober, Pt. 2 (2019), which reached number four on the US"
 * "albums chart, a career-best" → "chart, a career-best"


 * "that had no" → "of having had no"


 * "the JVA [(joint-venture agreement)]." → "the JVA [(joint-venture agreement)].""

Adam Lublin

 * Wikilink sexual abuse


 * Target Manhattan Criminal Court to New York City Criminal Court

Final comments and verdict

 * for a week until the issues are fixed; there was some edit warring in the past but you did a good job resolving that as the nominator! However, I did recognize original research and useless speech marks as two of the most noticeable issues with the article in its current state. --K. Peake 17:11, 8 January 2021 (UTC)
 * , I believe these have all been addressed now :) ≫  Lil- Unique1  -{ Talk  }- 18:50, 13 January 2021 (UTC)
 * You have not added "With the agency," to the start of the Stennett sentence, also you have misinterpreted any times where I asked for grammar to be not inside speech marks as me asking you to add doubles; there should only be single speech marks on these occasions, I only used excess speech marks because I was quoting text... plus the external links section still needs removing. --K. Peake 19:07, 13 January 2021 (UTC)
 * I've addressed with "with agency" thing in the Stennett sentence. If we take reference 22 as example, the title of the article is "It's a home for a new generation of creators": New West London musical space The Qube set to launch in January., per MOS:QWQ, for a quote within a quote use single quotation marks. As the reference template automatically makes titles of references quotes/generates quotation marks, the quoted clause "It's Home for a new generation of creators" should appear in single quotation marks which is exactly what I did? ≫  Lil- Unique1  -{ Talk  }- 20:34, 13 January 2021 (UTC)
 * Sorry, I used the wrong phrasing; I meant when you have used speech marks twice consecutively, placing quotes within quotes, not calling out double speech marks since that means " and those are correct instead of '. I am referring to parts like: provide global copyright administration"." The speech marks after the full stop on occasions like that need removing. --K. Peake 21:11, 13 January 2021 (UTC)
 * I found three instances of ".", which have been corrected now. Thanks for the example/further explanation and pointers. ≫  Lil- Unique1  -{ Talk  }- 22:46, 13 January 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ after you managed to grasp an understanding of what I was referring to, took just under a week for this to become a GA! --K. Peake 06:40, 14 January 2021 (UTC)
 * thank you mate. Grammar has never been a strong suit of mine (queue mild dyslexia). Pleased to have finally gotten a GA on something which is not a song/album! ≫  Lil- Unique1  -{ Talk  }- 10:37, 14 January 2021 (UTC)