Talk:Fantastic Light

Expanding
Basic narrative written and reffed. Needs development.Tigerboy1966 (talk) 12:33, 21 September 2011 (UTC)

Pre-GA comments
Hi! Tigerboy, I saw your comment on the Thoroughbred WP page and gave the article a quick look. I don't have time for a full review, but here are a few comments based on what I saw:


 * The "Tabulated race record" and "Tabulated pedigree" sections don't need "Tabulated" in the header - just name them "Race record" and "Pedigree".
 * In the assessment section, start out with an indication of what this "assessment" is. It is not obvious to the general lay reader. For example, what does "134" stand for as an assessment? Also, I think that a section header more along the lines of "honors" or "awards" would be better, since the section is not just about the world assessments. Try to make this section flow better - right now it is extremely choppy with a bunch of one-sentence paragraphs. Try combining some paragraphs, adding more prose, and adding bridge words between sentences.
 * The background section is also very choppy, with a lot of short paragraphs. Again, a more prosy, less listy style and bridge words could make this flow much better.
 * The lead should be expanded. WP:LEAD recommends between 2-3 paragraphs for a 30 kb article, a size which this article slightly exceeds.

I hope these comments help, and good luck in your quest for GA! Overall, I think this article is in good shape for a nomination. Dana boomer (talk) 12:21, 2 October 2011 (UTC)
 * thanks for comments, I knew that the lead was a bit thin, but hadn't noticed the other issues. I will get them sorted out before nominating.Tigerboy1966 (talk) 13:18, 2 October 2011 (UTC)

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