Talk:February Shadows

comments
Nice job. You'll need to proof read it again, and check how to properly list your sources, especially with an internet link. Either check your class notes (I showed how to do it in class several times), or look on the WP:Cite instructions. I've asked for an expert opinion on this, and I'm hoping she'll do that. I've done some minor tweaking, de-orphaned, and a few other things. Good job so far! Auntieruth55 (talk) 22:03, 19 April 2010 (UTC)

Hi! this is Kellie from class. I just read your article and I think it's great! You've included a lot of detailed information, and really explained not only your topic, but also relevant background information which is important to the text. The only suggestion I would make would to be to maybe discuss the liberation of the female voice as a theme. You mention it in the reception section, but do not directly address it as a theme. You could probably add a sentence or two about this in the mother/daughter relationship section, though. Overall, I think you have done a wonderful job! :) Santolinek (talk) 01:45, 21 April 2010 (UTC)

Comments
Hi Para, this is a really good article&mdash;I hope that you are quite proud of it and continue to edit after your class ends. :-) A few comments:


 * In the first sentence's translations, you have English (German) [...] German (English). Try to keep it consistent.
 * "Unpolitical"? Why not "apolitical"?
 * Citations can be formatted Wikipedia-style by using templates like cite book / cite web, etc. — Ed   (talk  •  majestic titan)  02:09, 22 April 2010 (UTC)

Responding to copy edit request
I am responding to Sadads request to copy edit this article. I will work on it as time permits throughout the weekend. A GOCEinuse tag will appear at the top of the article when I am putting some serious time in on it. I will list any findings, queries and suggestions here as they arise. Thanks. dtgriffith (talk) 22:10, 30 April 2010 (UTC)

Queries & findings

 * Lead, 3rd paragraph, I find this sentence confusing: "The story of a February hidden in shadows—February Shadows—forces the readers, most of whom would be Austrians, to relieve the experience of that February and thus remember a past that most Austrians wanted to suppress." "relieving the experience..." seems to contradict "thus remember a past...." Is the operative word supposed to be "reliving"? dtgriffith (talk) 22:32, 30 April 2010 (UTC)


 * Plot, 2nd paragraph, please clarify the usage of the word "mentally" in this sentence: "Each day Hilde visits Anton's grave mentally talking to him as if he is still alive."
 * Plot, 4th paragraph, there are a few issues:
 * Erika visits, and then she grieves her father's death? Or she visits because she is grieving?
 * There is a jump from Erika grieving and her mother's impatience with her. This is unclear.
 * What book is Erika writing? How does it relate to her mother? It's not clear and should be defined here since this is the first mention.

dtgriffith (talk) 01:51, 1 May 2010 (UTC)
 * Plot, paragraph 5. Hilde and her mother are being beaten on a dance floor and then she is comforted by her brother. Is her brother there at the scene providing comfort or does that occur in a later situation?

Some additional findings:
 * Last paragraph of Literary techniques: the distant sister's name is Christine, in the Plot a sister living with the grandparents is named Renate. Are these two different sisters or the same person?
 * The Plot reads a little awkwardly because it is written in a present tense as it recounts the story. I suggest changing it to past tense to match the rest of the article.

I have gone as far as I can on this copy edit pass. I still see some room for article improvement based on my above notes and will be happy to continue the copy edit after the article has been developed further. Please let me know if you feel anything more should be done prior to the review. Thanks. dtgriffith (talk) 00:38, 4 May 2010 (UTC)

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