Talk:Felipe Camiroaga/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Wizardman (talk · contribs) 15:55, 27 August 2012 (UTC)

This has waited far too long for a review, so I'll provide one. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 15:55, 27 August 2012 (UTC)

Here are the issues I found:
 * "He also acted in some TV series," in several sounds a bit better.
 * "the most important of its kind in America, in 2009 and 2010." cite should be added for a statement like this, also reword to in the Americas.
 * Noting his death in the lead may be helpful since a nice amount of the article is dedicated to it.
 * "moved to the Canary Islands, Spain," Canary Islands in Spain,
 * "in the location; his" comma instead of semicolon.
 * Nearly all the paragraphs in the television section start off the same way; try mixing it up a bit rather then having "In year, Camiroaga...". Same for the death section, and this is actually true for a good number of sentences in the article; it makes it repetitive.
 * "as camera assistant at the press department of television channel" as a camera...of the television.
 * "both of which were taken off the air because of polemic contents," not sure what that means; could it be reworded?
 * "unsuccessfully, before it" rm comma

I'll put the article on hold and will pass it when the issues are fixed. Wizardman Operation Big Bear 03:36, 29 August 2012 (UTC)
 * ✅ Diego Grez (talk) 18:54, 29 August 2012 (UTC)
 * Looks good now, article passes. Wizardman  Operation Big Bear 23:50, 29 August 2012 (UTC)