Talk:Fez (video game)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: PresN (talk · contribs) 21:11, 18 June 2014 (UTC)

Starting the review, will be up shortly. -- Pres N  21:11, 18 June 2014 (UTC)

Broken up into sections. I've played the game before, and watched Indie Game. Sorry for the sarcasm, it's meant to be tongue in cheek.


 * Lead
 * The first cite is fine, since its a direct quote, but you shouldn't have cites 3-5 in there- that sentence is a summary of something that's cited in the development section.
 * "Indie Game: The Movie,[5] which followed the game's final stages of development and Polytron's related legal issues" - makes it sound like the movie was just about Fez, reword to make it clear it was just one (major) part of the movie.


 * Gameplay
 * Oh, you and your player-characters.
 * "The power lets the player rotate" - what power? The power of the Fez?
 * "As a platform game, Gomez jumps between 2D ledges" - Gomez is a platform game?
 * "There are two different cubes[8] that count towards the 32 cube threshold" - two different types of cubes?


 * Development
 * "They worked well together.[7]" - this sentence is jarring. The two felt that they worked well together, maybe?
 * "and offered to treat Polytron as part of their company in exchange for a portion of Fez's earnings and Polytron could keep the intellectual property rights" - run-on sentence with that "and Polytron" bit, please revise
 * "Fish describes the game's changes" - tense shift, "Fish described" fits the rest of the section, though I'd prefer if all of it was in the vein of "Fish has described"


 * Indie Game: The Movie
 * I'm almost wondering if this whole dev section could be spun off into a "Development of Fez" subarticle. It's kind of long.
 * Actually, this section title is bad. Only the first paragraph of 5.5 paragraphs is about the movie. Maybe "Indie Game: The Movie and release" or just "release"
 * The last two sentences of para 3 use the same ref, so you don't need to list it twice.


 * Music
 * What's up with the floating sentence-paragraph?
 * You list the soundtrack name in the tracklist as "Fez Original Soundtrack", but it should be "Fez Original Soundtrack", or "Fez OST".


 * Reception
 * It's not a problem at the GA level, but the way each section is presented- "Reviewer a said x. Reviewer b said y. Reviewer c said z." without any narrative flow is really, really choppy, and you'd get dinged for it at FAC.
 * You have a topic sentence for paragraphs 3 and 4, but not 2.


 * References
 * Yay for archives!
 * One smooth-looking section all around, no issues.


 * Media
 * Mostly free, just a gameplay example shot. Nice job on the free media.


 * Misc.
 * About half of the wikilinks are redirects, which isn't wrong, per se, just prone to double-redirects.

Alright! Not that much to do, it's a really solid article. Putting it on hold for a bit. I will say that if you decide to go to FAC with it you'll want to get a copy-edit first, for flow moreso than grammar, or you'll get one of those monolith prose reviews that drag down a nomination. -- Pres N  21:58, 18 June 2014 (UTC)
 * I appreciate the review. I'll have more time to address this next weekend, if that's all right with you? czar ♔   03:20, 20 June 2014 (UTC)
 * That's fine, whenever you're free. -- Pres N  04:45, 20 June 2014 (UTC)
 * , do you have any ideas for what else I can cut from Development now that I split it off? Just the more minor details or can whole paragraphs go? It's hard because I originally wrote it using the information I thought was most interesting for the main article czar ♔   22:11, 22 June 2014 (UTC)

, all right—I think I've addressed everything. Ready to take a look? Some notes: czar ♔   22:36, 29 June 2014 (UTC)
 * 1) The mentioned cites were there per the last ¶ of WP:LEADCITE:
 * 2) Yes, Gomez is a platform game. A platform game within a platform game.
 * 3) The floating sentence-paragraph in music was meant to be expanded later. It's also kind of cute, no? Little paragraph about Chopin in the grand Fez morass?
 * 4) I thought the NYT intro to Reception ¶2 functioned as a topic sentence.
 * Alright, I think I'm happy with it. GA: get! -- Pres N  00:09, 30 June 2014 (UTC)