Talk:Firewatch/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: J Milburn (talk · contribs) 00:05, 28 November 2016 (UTC)

Happy to offer a review. Josh Milburn (talk) 00:05, 28 November 2016 (UTC)


 * Should the date of release not be in the first sentence? Platforms?


 * "conspired mystery" is a striking term; it's not immediately obvious to me what you mean by it.
 * It is to stress the nature of conspiracy present in the story.


 * What does "directed" mean in the context of video game development?
 * Olly Moss was credited with Visual Direction and Sean Vanaman with Creative Direction.


 * "After the basis from a single painting by Moss, Ng adapted" Grammatically odd.


 * "Xbox One version was released in September of that year, which included an audio tour and free roam mode, also for its PlayStation 4 Pro port and Steam." You lose me at "also".
 * Removed unnecessary part.


 * " The game also features a day-night cycle, but will progress if players successfully complete all the relative set objectives" I'm not sure what the two parts of the sentence have to do with each other?
 * Removed unnecessary part.


 * "Henry finds a Walkman with incriminating conversations of them plotting to destroy the camp" Who does the "them" refer to, here?
 * Henry and Delilah.


 * "Delilah lied about Brian's presence because of employee rules, but both disappeared without a trace." I read this to mean that Delilah lied to Henry to preserve Ned's privacy, but I'm guessing that what is meant is that Delilah lied to higher-ups because Brian wasn't allowed to live with Ned? This could do with being cleared up.
 * It's the latter. Cleared it up.


 * The plot section suggests that there is a collectibles system; this should be mentioned in the gameplay section if so.

Got to dash, sorry- didn't have as long as I thought. I'll be back for another look soon. Please double-check my edits so far. Josh Milburn (talk) 00:25, 28 November 2016 (UTC)

"Delilah reports someone in Henry's tower, who finds a Walkman with incriminating conversations of them plotting to destroy the compound." I'm struggling with this; it's not clear who the who or the them refer to.


 * "Moss' key art" What is key art?
 * This is key art. Described by The Hollywood Reporter as "the singular, iconographic image that is the foundation upon which a movie's marketing campaign is built".


 * "while maintaining his stylized, elemental artistic vision" This doesn't come across as very neutral.


 * "Partnering with Limited Run Games, Campo Santo will distribute under ten thousand physical copies of the game on PlayStation 4 sometime in 2016." This will be out of date very soon.
 * No sources to confirm a launch date yet.


 * "a welcome view" I assume you don't mean that his view was welcome? You mean to say that he welcomed the features?


 * "Cork continued to observe that" Too prosaic
 * Simplified it.


 * "brilliant and layered with emotional nuance" If these are the reviewer's words, you should quote directly.
 * Not reviewer's words. Paraphrased from "Both are brilliantly voiced--with emotional nuance layered into every line".


 * "having evolved a strong attachment to the characters" The voice acting had evolved a strong attachment?


 * The paragraphs in the reception section are a little long. While I certainly won't demand it for GAC, perhaps you could consider organising the reception section thematically, rather than by reviewer.
 * Might consider it for later. Would be a complete overhaul.


 * If I were you, I'd include a bit more about the awards and the film in the lead, and a bit less about the development and announcements.

I've made some edits; please double-check them. Josh Milburn (talk) 03:46, 4 December 2016 (UTC)
 * I've seen that you've responded here, and aim to get back to you in the next few days. Josh Milburn (talk) 14:50, 7 December 2016 (UTC)

Second look-through

 * I know I said this earlier, but it's still not clear to me what a "director" does in the context of a video game. Are they technical directors? Business directors?
 * "A Game Director is the force behind the creative aspects of a video game. As a Game Director, you are similar to a Film Director because your vision shapes and defines the game".
 * OK; I suppose I was worried that this was jargon. The fact it's in the infobox suggests to me that maybe this is a term more familiar than I thought. Happy to let this drop. Josh Milburn (talk) 21:40, 11 December 2016 (UTC)


 * Also, as earlier, I'm not sure "key art" is going to be familiar to most readers.
 * Changing it to "work".

(And stopping there; again, not as much time as I thought... Apologies.) Josh Milburn (talk) 01:35, 9 December 2016 (UTC)

Some source spotchecking comes back fine, and all of the sources seem to be appropriate. I'm going to promote at this time; nice work, and sorry for the delays. Josh Milburn (talk) 21:48, 11 December 2016 (UTC)