Talk:First American International Road Race/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: MWright96 (talk · contribs) 13:17, 14 February 2020 (UTC)

Good to see something from auto racing's early days at GAN. Will review. MWright96 (talk) 13:17, 14 February 2020 (UTC)


 * Hey thanks! Surprised to see this taken up so soon. I might still find bits and pieces to add too. This is my first racing article I've written, I mostly write Westchester/NYC history and architecture... ɱ  (talk) 15:23, 14 February 2020 (UTC)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS for lead, layout, word choice, fiction, and lists):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (reference section): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images and other media, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free content have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * Pass/Fail:

Lead

 * "spanning from 4:45 a.m. to 12:20 p.m." - The figure of 4:45 a.m. is not included in the main portion of the article
 * Added. ɱ  (talk) 19:53, 14 February 2020 (UTC)

Background

 * "One thousand soldiers from the state's 12th and 20th regiments of the National Guard were deployed at important points along the course, along with hundreds of policemen." - it would help to know what the National Guardsmen and police officers roles were in this race
 * Crowd control, added. ɱ  (talk) 19:53, 14 February 2020 (UTC)


 * "Marshalls were hired to flash red flags" - I'm not sure that "flash" is the correct term here.
 * This is the verb the source used, it can mean to move very quickly. Is there a better verb for waving a flag as a signal? ɱ  (talk) 19:53, 14 February 2020 (UTC)
 * There's "displayed" or "shown" that would be better wording to go in place of "flash" MWright96 (talk) 10:18, 15 February 2020 (UTC)
 * Using "wave" then to show the action, not really evident otherwise. ɱ  (talk) 14:26, 15 February 2020 (UTC)


 * Wikilink blind turns for non-auto racing readers and marshalls to motorsport marshal
 * Done ɱ  (talk) 19:53, 14 February 2020 (UTC)


 * "yellow flags for drivers to slow down on dangerous turns." - to caution drivers to reduce their speed
 * Done ɱ  (talk) 19:53, 14 February 2020 (UTC)

Course

 * "Original plans scheduled ten laps around the course," - better; scheduled that ten laps of the course be completed,
 * Done. ɱ  (talk) 20:01, 14 February 2020 (UTC)


 * "for a total of 324 miles." - the convert template should be used on the text marked in bold
 * Done. ɱ  (talk) 20:01, 14 February 2020 (UTC)


 * "The stretch between Valhalla and Eastview was considered the worst" - considered by whom? drivers? It would be helpful to know to avoid people guessing
 * The article that mentioned it didn't specify, though I'm trying to find the material elsewhere to see... ɱ  (talk) 14:27, 15 February 2020 (UTC)


 * "the drivers speculated that 40 mph could be a high average speed, but 45 mph could be the winning speed" - the convert template will have to be employed on the two sections of text highlighted in bold
 * Done. ɱ  (talk) 20:01, 14 February 2020 (UTC)


 * "estimated that cars could reach 70 mph" - same query as the second and fourth points in this section
 * Done. ɱ  (talk) 20:01, 14 February 2020 (UTC)


 * "The drivers speculated that six cars might finish the entire circuit, with the other cars" - close repetition of "cars"
 * Done. ɱ  (talk) 20:01, 14 February 2020 (UTC)

Entrants

 * Wikilink the terms stock cars, shaft driven and chain driven to their respective pages
 * Done. ɱ  (talk) 14:38, 15 February 2020 (UTC)


 * the most prominent female racing driver of the time," - how about clarify she was the United States' most prominent female racer at the time as stated in MetroSports Magazine
 * Done. ɱ  (talk) 14:38, 15 February 2020 (UTC)


 * "The race's committee questioned whether a woman could handle a race," - The MetroSports Magazine states specially that they questioned whether a women could control a auto vehicle during a race. This would be beneficial to include in the article
 * Done. ɱ  (talk) 14:38, 15 February 2020 (UTC)


 * The columns in the table would benefit from having the "scope="col" tag inserted to comply with MOS:DTT
 * Can you specify where/how you think this should be added? I'm not familiar with the purpose or placement of this... ɱ  (talk) 19:56, 14 February 2020 (UTC)
 * Like this for example: MWright96 (talk) 10:18, 15 February 2020 (UTC)


 * Done. ɱ  (talk) 14:38, 15 February 2020 (UTC)

Timeline of the race

 * "Local speed limits were suspended during early morning hours" - the MetroSports Magazine state that the local municipalities suspended the local speed limits and would be beneficial to include in this sentence
 * Done ɱ  (talk) 14:40, 15 February 2020 (UTC)


 * "The car went into a stream and Campbell catapulted out of the car into rocks," - into some rocks,
 * Done ɱ  (talk) 14:40, 15 February 2020 (UTC)


 * "fracturing his jaw and knocking teeth loose." - This should be reworded so it can pass WP:LIMITED because it is too similar in wording to the North Castle History source
 * Done ɱ  (talk) 14:40, 15 February 2020 (UTC)

Day of the race

 * "while advertisements for items like" - better; such as
 * Done ɱ  (talk) 14:45, 15 February 2020 (UTC)


 * "and the judges decided nothing more could be gained by continuing the race" - bit of close repetition of the source. Reword it so it can pass MOS:LIMITED


 * Done. Wish there was more clarity into their thinking. ɱ  (talk) 14:45, 15 February 2020 (UTC)


 * "Cedrino achieved the fastest two rounds in the race:" - to avoid close reptition I would suggest this portion be worded as Cedrino recorded the event's two fastest laps:
 * I'm not a fan of the term "recorded", which is less clear, he didn't actively record anything. ɱ  (talk) 14:45, 15 February 2020 (UTC)


 * "37:16 in his seventh lap and 36:48 in his eighth." - should be 37 minutes and 16 seconds and 36 minutes and 48 seconds to help non-racing readers
 * Done ɱ  (talk) 19:57, 14 February 2020 (UTC)

Winner and trophy

 * "Strang took the lead on the first lap and never let go, thus winning the race and trophy." - better; and maintained for its duration to win the race and the trophy.
 * That gets pretty wordy, if added as In the race, Strang took the lead on the first lap and and maintained the lead for the race's duration to win the race and the trophy... ɱ  (talk) 15:09, 15 February 2020 (UTC)

Aftermath and impact

 * Perhaps state where exactly Cedrino's fatal accident occurred?
 * Done ɱ  (talk) 15:16, 15 February 2020 (UTC)


 * "In 1977, during Briarcliff Manor's 75th anniversary, fifteen old racing cars" - change the text in bold so it reads as 15 for consistency
 * Done ɱ  (talk) 15:16, 15 February 2020 (UTC)