Talk:Fledgling (Butler novel)

ENG102 2015 June 3 peer review group project
Students from an ENG102 class will review proposed additions to this entry and share their comments/corrections. ENG102 students: Please put your group's feedback here:

Group 1
--The character section was very informative and well organized with the order. --DrewDrew30 (talk) 18:04, 3 June 2015 (UTC)
 * --Purple lover0516 (talk) 18:03, 5 June 2015 (UTC)
 * Thank you message from ENG103 class--Mozucat (talk) 19:03, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

--for the Ina section, it should be more specific on where the Ina come from, as well as their history i.e how they came about?, and when? --DrewDrew30 (talk) 18:04, 3 June 2015 (UTC)
 * ✅--Andyyecua (talk) 18:21, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

--Also for certain characters like Wright and Theodora, it should have more background information.--DrewDrew30 (talk) 18:04, 3 June 2015 (UTC)
 * ✅--Mona&#39;s mistake (talk) 18:47, 5 June 2015 (UTC)Agency section was well written, very detailed and answered questions as they popped up in my head while reading. You summarized events

well and briefly, each term and event was clear and the examples gave a much better understanding. Both paragraphs in this section connected well with each other.--DrewDrew30 (talk) 18:04, 3 June 2015 (UTC) --Andyyecua (talk) 18:08, 5 June 2015 (UTC)
 * ✅ ; Thank you for the incite! LajEvelyn (talk) 18:50, 5 June 2015 (UTC)
 * ✅--James.johnson21 (talk) 18:57, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

-Also, the link for "Bildungsroman" is needed for a better understanding.--DrewDrew30 (talk) 18:04, 3 June 2015 (UTC)
 * ✅ --Purple lover0516 (talk) 18:03, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

-In the section of main themes; Hybridity; you did a very good job, however in the last sentence "As gates points out, because her body.." You need to be more accurate and specify that you are actually speaking of "Shori" not "Gates"--DrewDrew30 (talk) 18:04, 3 June 2015 (UTC)

- Make sure in your references whether is Print, Web etc.. --DrewDrew30 (talk) 18:04, 3 June 2015 (UTC) -- Mention where does the book setting takes place.--DrewDrew30 (talk) 18:04, 3 June 2015 (UTC)
 * ✅ Alrighty then Mazuyuki Eizoku (talk) 18:17, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

Group 2
--In the difference as means of survival i like the way you portrayed shory because i though the same of her amnesia she will be able to be the Ina she wanted to be and portray herself so for that reason i think that's a advantage too. good job --Nanaqueen (talk) 17:52, 3 June 2015 (UTC)
 * thank you, Nanaqueen for saying it was a "good job".--Japanize myself (talk) 18:03, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

--helpful. i think human can't lose their vulnerability to disease because you can't do that by yourself. we regular people are are not able to control our disease.
 * Thank you message from ENG103 class--Mozucat (talk) 19:03, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

I like how the person described the Ina in the "Difference As Means Of Survival" section in the first paragraph by saying that the Ina is a evolutionary step in the right direction because they are able to stay away during the day which can help prevent attacks.--Jordync57 (talk) 17:49, 3 June 2015 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the comment I'll fix the grammar mistake — Preceding unsigned comment added by OwenZeph (talk • contribs) 17:53, 5 June 2015 (UTC) OwenZeph (talk) 19:11, 5 June 2015 (UTC)
 * Thank you message from ENG103 class--Mozucat (talk) 19:03, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

Something that could be helpful is by saying why is it that if humans lose their vulnerability to disease and tendency to be sexually possessive, will make the human and vampire evolve and improve. This information was in the "Difference As Means Of Survival" in the second paragraph. --Jordync57 (talk) 17:49, 3 June 2015 (UTC)
 * Thank you @Jordync57 for the feedback. Humans and Vampires improve because they gain stronger characteristics and lose weaker ones, effectively becoming more like The Other, and thus creating a more compassionate and mutual relationship.  So, I feel that this point was sufficiently explained.  Lagccstudent (talk) 18:31, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

Group 3
--Wondrous job! i had no clue where Fledgling came from, now it very clear to me. --Perhaps a bit more of information on the background, otherwise great job. --Bettercallzaul (talk) 17:59, 3 June 2015 (UTC) Saul

-- In the first and second paragraph you should mention who are Ali Brox and Sanchez-Taylor. For example " Prof. Sanchez-Taylor" because the reader would not understand who are these people.

"Ali Brox, for example, points out that Shori is not just "made black" biologically, but also socially when Ina fixate on her difference" This is a good line, because it mentions clearly on of the main problems of the story.--J4zzy g20 (talk) 17:50, 3 June 2015 (UTC)Jazmin

-- Use a more appropriate word for " blackness" --In Main Themes- The construction of race- last paragraph.--JVB123 (talk) 17:46, 3 June 2015 (UTC)

As I read "Speciesism as an allegory of racism" from team three I noticed that they were very detailed and were also very informal. There were many points that were stated about the topic that stood out to me because I did not know as much about the Ina's. One thing i believe you guys can work on is stating how does hate crime back then differ from hate crime in todays society?--DannyMendo1795 (talk) 17:53, 3 June 2015 (UTC)

In the paragraph Speciesism as an allegory of racism, I read that being African American decent; Shori faces various discrimination.--Lastdayz1 (talk) 17:53, 3 June 2015 (UTC)

--You should also mentioned in the text ; according to section speciesism as ana allegory of racism "Ideology of racial purity and superiority that is not much different than that of Nazis or the Ku Klux Klan." How does hate crime then differ from hate crime today--Lastdayz1 (talk) 17:53, 3 June 2015 (UTC)--Lastdayz1 (talk) 17:56, 3 June 2015 (UTC)

(positive comment) In the section of Speciesism: the context and concept were very much detailed and well versed.

Group 4
--The hyperlink to biphobia in the alternative sexualities section is very helpful because it gives the reading a better understanding of what is happening in the story by taking the reading to the Wikipedia page of the definition of biphobia. --Kili157 (talk) 17:55, 3 June 2015 (UTC)

--There you be a hyperlink to the word polyamourus in the section of sexual alternatives section because many people reading this Wikipedia page will not know the definition of that word.--Kili157 (talk) 17:55, 3 June 2015 (UTC)
 * Kili157Thank you for your comment, it was really helpful ✅ Unconsciouseclecticism (talk) 17:45, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

-Doesn't need dash after 10 from "Plot" first statement.

-Needs to put comma inside the quotation mark, "Ina".

-Need to put S at depend from second statement of the Plot.

-Using semi-colon after Therefore from third statement.--Waiyanphyohein (talk) 17:44, 3 June 2015 (UTC)

-Link the word polyamorous as many people doesn't know the meaning to it.--Hyorin10 (talk) 17:51, 3 June 2015 (UTC)
 * Hyorin10 thanks for the comment, your classmate Kili157 already proposed the change. ✅ Unconsciouseclecticism (talk) 17:49, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

-Overall a very good explanation of alternative sexuality in the book .--Hyorin10 (talk) 17:51, 3 June 2015 (UTC)

-In the first line of the section "Mutualistic Symbiosis" Shori has a misspelling as "Shari"--Ambarazcona (talk) 17:54, 3 June 2015 (UTC)
 * Ambarazcona thanks for the comment, but Shari is the name of the author of an essay that we used for the section you can find her on the reference section.  ✅ Unconsciouseclecticism (talk) 18:10, 5 June 2015 (UTC)

- Should add more specific examples of how the Ina and the human need each other to survive in the section "Mutualistic Symbiosis" section. --Ambarazcona (talk) 17:54, 3 June 2015 (UTC) -Good use of language and words in the "Mutualistic Symbiosis" section.--Ambarazcona (talk) 17:54, 3 June 2015 (UTC) -In the book never said that an Ina could abandoned their human only if they die. In line 6 in the first paragraph of the section "Mutualistic Symbiosis" should take out the word "Abandoned"--Ambarazcona (talk) 17:54, 3 June 2015 (UTC)
 * Ambarazcona the change was made, thank you for helping the section. ✅ Unconsciouseclecticism (talk) 17:52, 5 June 2015 (UTC)


 * test response--Mozucat (talk) 17:33, 5 June 2015 (UTC)
 * Just testing to see if you get a notification. Mozucat (talk) 17:38, 5 June 2015 (UTC)
 * test 2--