Talk:Fletcher Loyer/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Gonzo fan2007 (talk · contribs) 16:27, 24 August 2023 (UTC)

Really solid article. Specific comments below. « Gonzo fan2007 (talk)  @ 16:27, 24 August 2023 (UTC)

Comments

 * In the lead, Then, he attended Homestead High School in Indiana for his junior and senior seasons, comma isn't needed
 * According to my understanding of grammatical structure, it is correctly presented in this manner.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 03:42, 28 August 2023 (UTC)
 * In the first paragraph of the "Early life" section, His father played basketball at the University of Akron and his mom played volleyball at Indiana University, and was an assistant coach for Purdue University volleyball. - would read better with one sentence about his dad and then a new sentence about his mom. No comma needed after University.
 * Split and revised to preserve the comma in order to present WP:IC.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 03:47, 28 August 2023 (UTC)
 * In the "Homestead year" section, the same high school as former Boilermaker, Caleb Swanigan. - this seems trivial to me and more like a fun fact. Recommend removing.
 * Done-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 03:56, 28 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Same section,, including 6 points that cut the deficit to 50–49 with 1:26 remaining., this seems super trivial when looking at the big picture of his overall career/bio. Maybe if they won, but the fact that they lost makes this seem pointless to include.
 * OK-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:00, 28 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Same section, until at least February 21, 2021 due to the pandemic., you use the generic "pandemic" here, but don't state COVID-19 pandemic anywhere (you say COVID-19 lockdowns). Maye in the previous previous section say "COVID-19 pandemic lockdowns, which then makes the later use of "pandemic" more appropriate.
 * Thx-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:05, 28 August 2023 (UTC)
 * Same section, scoring record (726 points versus 702 points), you need a comma after the parenthesis
 * Fixed-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:07, 28 August 2023 (UTC)
 * In the "College career" section, 23.5 point underdog Fairleigh Dickinson in Columbus, Ohio in, you need a comma after "Ohio" and Columbus, Ohio is double-linked in the article, you can delete this link.
 * reworded-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:13, 28 August 2023 (UTC)
 * In the "Personal life" section, The Loyer family also has a daughter, Jersey, Fletcher's sister. Jersey is a high school class of 2024 volleyball player at Concordia High School., this seems trivial unless she has done something notable.
 * The book is still out on whether she does anything notable. She is entering her senior year in high school. Since we have fully detailed every other member of the fam, I'll leave it in. A year from now, maybe she will be an NCAA athlete otherwise we can remove her detail. Right now leaving it in will give post 2024 editors a lead to look for an NCAA connection. However, given the athletic accomplishments of all other members of the fam, I wouldn't rule out an NCAA future.-TonyTheTiger (T / C / WP:FOUR / WP:CHICAGO / WP:WAWARD) 04:17, 28 August 2023 (UTC)