Talk:Flying Aces (magazine)/GA1

GA Review
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I am looking at the article now, may take me a bit. A few quick points: is "Pulps" really capitalized? I don't know, in all honesty, but it stuck out for me. Also, any chance we could get another pic? The one you have is great... IronDuke 03:09, 3 June 2009 (UTC)
 * It is easy enough to get additional covers- I am not sure what the policy is on this. Covers are copyrighted, and while its usually ok to have one in the article about the magazine, I'm not sure about having more than one. I'll ask at Wikipedia talk:Copyright problems. NoCal100 (talk) 03:36, 3 June 2009 (UTC)


 * You are probably correct on the capitalization issue. I've checked a few sources and they don't seem to capitalize it. I'll fix it. NoCal100 (talk) 03:44, 3 June 2009 (UTC)


 * I've commented at WP:CV about the fair use of cover art. Looking at your article, I don't think there is extensive enough prose about the magazine covers to allow additional non-free artwork. At the moment, you have one very nice illustration which serves that purpose. If you ever expanded the article (for example, your sources discussing the impact of Schomburg's artwork on the magazine's history or the addition of the full-sized plans on sales), than additional illustrations might be warranted. Of course, the prose should only be expanded as it relates to your sourced info -- not simply to add more illustrations, if you know what I mean. — Cactus Writer |   needles

My take so far
“It featured adventure stories, written and illustrated by known authors of the day” Comma can go. “The late 1920 through 1930s are...” You gotta rework this. 1920s? Maybe “The period from x to y is considered.” Lot of ways to do it. “including love stories, western stories, detective and mystery stories.” Missing “and” before “detective” or maybe have it “as well as detective” to avoid clashing with “and” between “detective” and “mystery.” ''“Fighting the Flying Circus...” Think you need a comma after “circus.” “ mega-budget ($4M)” I think either leave out number or tell us what it is in 2009 $$. "flying pulps", Comma goes inside quote marks. “War Aces, War Birds (1928), Wings (1927), and Flying Aces.” Why no years for “War Aces” or “Flying Aces?” “Joe Archibald and Arch Whitehouse” Comma after “Archibald.” “swear words...” This feels a touch colloquial for a WP article. Maybe blue link it, or just use “profanity.” “"Get rid of the broad. Get her out of the series of Kerry Keene stories."[7]” Maybe remove the second sentence, as it is redundant: you have established it’ the Kerry Keene stories. “The cover art featured dramatic air battle scenes, painted by notable commercial artists of the day, such as...” One of those commas can/should go. “The plane incorporated many modern design elements such as folding wings...” Wow, you actually missed a comma, finally. Between “elements” and “such.” "9th pursuit squadron". Period inside quote mark. “"maybe the worst pilot to fly a plane…downed more Krauts with trickery than any other way". Guess... “Like American WWI war ace Eddie Rickenbacker, he flew a Spad biplane, and was the first pilot to rig the plane with a rear-gun – a shotgun operated with wires form the cockpit.” Okay... “WWI war” Ah yes, World War One War, I remember it well. Or does that equal WWII? Maybe have a pic of the Spad here? “From the cockpit” not “form.”

General note: em dashes, not en dashes.

“During World War II, the content focused...” Kill the Komma. “by Crastens[14], without the...” Kill the Komma, or at least put it before your ref. “into regional "squadrons',” Comma inside, double quote mark, not single. “The club arranged meeting between...” “meetings” or “a meeting.” “Cultural references” You could fold this in with “fan club,” as Fan club is a short section right now. I know the later clubs aren’t fan clubs per se, but maybe there’s a good term for them all. “magazine and its old clubs.[18].” Extra period.

So... this looks pretty good. If I had one content thing to add, it would maybe be: what did these magazines mean to the boys/men who read them? What was the significance? HTH IronDuke  19:01, 6 June 2009 (UTC)


 * Thanks for this detailed critique. I've gone ahead and implemented all your suggestions, save for one, regarding the "broad" quote in the Keene section. While I agree that there is some redundancy there, the quote is nonetheless a verbatim direct quote from the author about his experience- and I think the repetition emphasizes the extent of the objections he faced when trying to introduce a romantic theme into what was perceived by the readership as a "guys only" realm. If you you feel very strongly about it, I'll trim it, but I think it is better this way. NoCal100 (talk) 01:41, 7 June 2009 (UTC)


 * Really nice work, NoCal. I think you're well past GA criteria at this point. One last detail "stationary" should be "stationery." I'd fix it myself, but I'm worried that might violate some rule or other. But as soon as you do, you are all set. IronDuke  18:55, 7 June 2009 (UTC)
 * I've fixed it - thanks for reviewing the article. NoCal100 (talk) 04:42, 8 June 2009 (UTC)