Talk:Football in the Philippines/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Go Phightins! (talk · contribs) 03:35, 20 January 2014 (UTC)

Some miscellaneous comments:
 * Early years
 * What does the Manila Bay incursion have to do with the development of the sport? I assume something, but we need to know why - right now, it is a rather random insertion.
 * Because of the American's incursion, they continued the colonization in PHI, and introduced to us basketball. What if they didn't invade the Spaniards? Maybe soccer is already a popular sport here.


 * I am concerned with the close paraphrasing in the China reference. Article: Also some Filipinos that had been sent to college in Hong Kong and China, returned home and taught their friends a little bit about the game of soccer Source: Some boys that had been sent to college in Hong Kong, China, returned home and taught their friends a little bit about the fine game of soccer or association football. I noticed some close paraphrasing earlier, and am hoping I found isolated incidents, not patterns.
 * You may want to give W.H. Taft's title (POTUS)
 * Added


 * While I know what a hat trick is, not all readers will, as it is a jargony term. Please either explain, link, or replace.
 * Added a link, and a note.


 * In 1916, he continued his studies in medicine and played football for a local team Bohemian Sporting Club, there he helped the club to win two Philippine Championships in 1917 and 1918. This is a run-on sentence - either split into two, or split the clauses with a semicolon.
 * Done


 * However, all of that would change when the Americans marked the birth of basketball in the country. All of what would change? The previous paragraph talks about Alcantara's studies of medicine; I don't think that's what changed.
 * Fixed


 * Why were Americans in the Philippines?
 * Added a short (in a nutshell) description at the first paragraph. FairyTailRocks (talk) 09:39, 25 January 2014 (UTC)


 * Two surveys was conducted in parts of Metro Manila in 2012, the first one that basketball is the most watched sport at 74.4% meanwhile football was placed fourth at 17.9%.[note 1] On the second survey, basketball was the most played sport during leisure time at 9.6% than football.[note 2][7] There are several grammar issues in this sentence. I still think a copy-edit from the guild of copy editors is necessary.

For now, I am going to stop here, and again suggest that another set of eyes copyedit the article. The Guild of Copy Editors does a great job with this. Right now, the prose is of insufficient quality for the article to achieve GA status.

I'll make a deal - I will close this nomination now if you request a copyedit from a third party (either GOCE or another editor, but another set of eyes is needed), and once you get a copyedit, nominate the article again, ping me, and I will review Talk:Football in the Philippines/GA2. Right now, I just don't see the article meeting the criteria.  Go  Phightins  !  22:51, 24 January 2014 (UTC)