Talk:Fort Concho/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Eddie891 (talk · contribs) 19:06, 11 April 2020 (UTC)

I'll take this one on. Eddie891 Talk Work 19:06, 11 April 2020 (UTC)

Comments

 * title the first section on under 'references' "books"?
 * Images are good
 * " seat of Tom Green County, Texas" does this really need to be in the first sentence?
 * No, and as such,
 * I don't see five trails sourced in the article?
 * Changed to [...] and on the Butterfield Overland Mail Route and Goodnight–Loving Trail.
 * " The fort was abandoned June 1889" -> " The fort was abandoned in June 1889"
 * "during the American Indian Wars." maybe mention that it was during the Wars earlier in the lede, rather than just as a passing mention
 * "The fort was of crucial importance" -> "the fort had crucial importance"? mostly a stylistic choice, I just think the latter reads better (more smoothly)
 * "contributed troops to Ranald S. Mackenzie's" Maybe I'm missing something, but it seems odd to describe a fort as contributing troops like its a living thing
 * Reworked the tail-end of that last paragraph of the lead. The relevant text is now and troops stationed at Fort Concho participated in Ranald S. Mackenzie's [...].
 * "in their village" -> "in the village"?
 * "With America's victory over Mexico in the Mexican–American War" maybe add a year
 * "in the 1830s"
 * "along its principal routes of travel" who is 'its'? The Army? The Civilians? Maybe change to "along principal routes of travel"?
 * "until the surrender of the Confederacy" add year?
 * "there came a need to protect cattlemen and settlers traveling around the Concho valley" maybe begin with "an increased need" or something, unless there was previously no need at all?
 * "locate an outpost on the Concho." Locate or build?
 * "There, for US troops and citizens would have a reliable and inexhaustible supply of water" Something's a little off about this sentence, but I can't pin-point it. Could you try rephrasing?
 * Combined this and the previous sentence to form This was soon followed up by plans to establish an outpost on the Concho, where US troops and citizens would have a reliable and inexhaustible supply of water.. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  14:41, 12 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "simultaneously deny its usage to hostile Native Americans" simultaneously with what? Isn't the point of a fort to deny usage to the enemy?"
 * "but on the North Concho" do we know why it was on the North Concho?
 * No.
 * "establish the planned permanent outpost" presumably if it hasn't been constructed, it's planned, and the fort can be assumed to be permanent, so maybe just "establish the outpost"
 * "then under construction north of Camp Kelly" do we know when construction began?
 * Yes. 1867-68.
 * What does the invisible comment at the end of the first section refer to? (Who was the land leased from?)
 * Yes; I've removed the comment now to save space. I don't know who the land was leased from.
 * templates need to be resolved
 * "by Major George C. Cram, built a temporary guardhouse" doesn't read right, should be rephrased
 * ✅ by Major C. Cram, who built a temporary guardhouse
 * "who was rarely at Fort Concho" Cram, his predecessor, or both?
 * You missed Cram and his predecessor, who was rarely at Fort Concho.
 * "in the lull of construction" why would there be a lull of construction?
 * "At this time," at what time?
 * Over 1868; I've reworded the latter portion of this paragraph, too.
 * "Commissary, Quartermaster's Storehouse, and a wing of the Hospital." why are these capitalized?
 * For "Grounds and architecture". I've lower-cased them now.
 * "they made up 90% of the fort's workforce from 1869 to 1871 " the Germans or the civilian masons/carpenters?
 * I had misread page 6 of Matthews; 90% of the civilians in modern-day Tom Green county at this point in time were involved in building Fort Concho.
 * "the first regimental barracks 1869" what about 1869?
 * I can't believe I missed something like that. now.
 * "The same manner of frame or picket buildings that housed the non-commissioned officers, baker, drum major, and chief musician supplied these buildings with kitchens." weird phrasing again; maybe try "The kitchens were made with the same manner of frame or ...."
 * Not my finest work. I've rewritten the middle portion of the paragraph. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  14:41, 12 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "Construction was again slowed in February 1872" why were they discharged?
 * Budget cuts to the War Department. Added now.
 * what is the 'command row'?
 * Changed to the headquarters building.
 * "foundations for another that was completed in February 1879 as the Schoolhouse and chapel" was the building another officers quarter or the schoolhouse? or was the schoolhouse/chapel completed later? clarify?
 * Done. Now reads as Another officers' residence was built in 1877, as were the foundations for another that went unfinished for lack of funding. This building was completed in February 1879 as the schoolhouse and chapel.
 * "Construction had, by May 1877, cost the US Army 1 million dollars" -> "By May 1877, construction had cost the US Army 1 million dollars.
 * Compromise, as the last sentence begins with "By [date]": Construction had cost the US Army 1 million dollars by May 1877.
 * "its garrison spent of their time ancillary to their patrol duties on the fort's construction. The first act undertaken by the 4th Cavalry when establishing the fort was to build a wagon road to the San Saba River to secure a supply route from Fort Mason. When not on construction details," You first say that the majority of their time was on patrol duties, and ancillary time was spent on construction, then go on to say that when not constructing, they patrolled. Maybe pick one?
 * Removed the first sentence.
 * "Despite the frequency of these actions" what was the frequency?
 * I don't know. Changed to Encounters with hostile Native Americans were rare.
 * "to the latter man" perhaps refer to them by name to prevent confusion?
 * "Commander of the Department of Texas issued orders on 31 May 1872" you never say what the orders were, exactly?
 * and change the sentence to After Mackenzie and Hatch met with General Christopher C. Augur, Commander of the Department of Texas, Mackenzie and McLaughlen, commanding Companies D and I, departed from their respective installations on 17 June.
 * "returned all their white captives" since when did they have captives?
 * "War Secretary" earlier you say secretary of war... Are they the same?
 * Yes;
 * "One of these" one of these expeditions?
 * Yes. The referenced expedition is in the same sentence as "One of these".
 * "The disarmament" whose disarmament?
 * The Mescaleros; I neglected to mention this earlier, now.
 * "after convincing Sheridan not to send the 10th Cavalry back to New Mexico" why did sheridan want to send the cavalry back?
 * A Colonel Edward hatch asked Sheridan to move the 10th to New Mexico, but my source does not say why and Grierson convinces Sheridan to keep the 10th where it is in the next sentence. I've gone ahead and removed this episode from the article.
 * "Over the summer Grierson harried Victorio until the former man defeated the latter at Rattlesnake Springs and drove Victorio into Mexico. " try " Grierson harried Victorio over the summer until Victorio was defeated at Rattlesnake Springs and driven into Mexico"?
 * "The District of the Pecos was dissolved on 7 February 1881 as the Apache threat ended with the completion of the final campaign of the Texas–Indian wars. In July 1882, the 10th Cavalry left Fort Concho for the last time for Fort Davis, farther to the west." chronologically, shouldn't this be lower?
 * Moved lower.
 * "Ben Ficklin off the map" wiped the person off the map?
 * Oh, no, the town of Ben Ficklin, named after Ben Ficklin. All that's left of the place these days is a graveyard. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  21:37, 11 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "on the chopping block" maybe change to something a little more encyclopedic?
 * Changed to awaiting deactivation.
 * "railroad reached the town" what railroad?
 * The Santa Fe line, mentioned later. I've just this bit, though.
 * "San Antonio" perhaps you mean San Antonio?
 * "beat out San Angelo as the seat for Tom Green County" maybe "was made the seat of [COUNTY] over San Angelo"? or something that removes 'beat out'?
 * "The enlisted men spent much of their time – and money – in the town, but its inhabitants were not appreciative of the garrison's black soldiers." Again we see talk of spending 'much' of time, maybe pick phrasing a little more clear, though I'd be fine with keeping it. As far as not being 'appreciative', maybe try phrasing that's a little more explicit about how the felt aand 'they didn't like them'
 * Changed to The enlisted men often spent and money in the town, but its inhabitants treated the garrison's black soldiers with racist disdain and violence.
 * "eventually evaporated the lingering animosity" why would there be any lingering animosity?
 * The soldiers and civilians fought, quarreled with, and insulted each other for years. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  01:14, 13 April 2020 (UTC)
 * "important civilizing effect" maybe something besides 'civilizing"
 * "which had remained clear of adulteration" -> "which had remained in better condition" or something similar?
 * ✅ Now reads The eastern third of the fort grounds, which had remained preserved,
 * "Beginning 7 April 2008, the 416 children and 139 women removed from the YFZ Ranch" could you put some context here, because it kind of just hits the reader out of the blue
 * Do we have anything after 2018? were the plans done? If not, that's fine
 * I do not, unfortunately.
 * "For a time, houses stood " any more detail about the time span?
 * I do not, nor a date range to give, so I have removed this.
 * "an earlier one made of pecan wood" I thought pecan wood was unsuitable for construction?
 * Replaced with an earlier, temporary structure.
 * See MOS:INSTITUTIONS, the name of general buildings like 'Headquarters' should be uncapitalized.
 * ✅ I have done this now for all buildings except named barracks and the officers' residences.
 * "had poor supply" poor supply of what?
 * Changed to had few supplies and was unsanitary.
 * "The residential shed of" what is a residential shed, exactly?
 * A shed you live in. Changed to The residence of
 * You never say what command row was
 * all remaining uses of "Command Row"; I appear to have been the only person to call it that.
 * Maybe add who French was?
 * As the paranormal is considered and called a pseudoscience, I have instead French from the article.
 * Prose looks much better, I'm satisfied in that respect
 * ✅ Now reads The eastern third of the fort grounds, which had remained preserved,
 * "Beginning 7 April 2008, the 416 children and 139 women removed from the YFZ Ranch" could you put some context here, because it kind of just hits the reader out of the blue
 * Do we have anything after 2018? were the plans done? If not, that's fine
 * I do not, unfortunately.
 * "For a time, houses stood " any more detail about the time span?
 * I do not, nor a date range to give, so I have removed this.
 * "an earlier one made of pecan wood" I thought pecan wood was unsuitable for construction?
 * Replaced with an earlier, temporary structure.
 * See MOS:INSTITUTIONS, the name of general buildings like 'Headquarters' should be uncapitalized.
 * ✅ I have done this now for all buildings except named barracks and the officers' residences.
 * "had poor supply" poor supply of what?
 * Changed to had few supplies and was unsanitary.
 * "The residential shed of" what is a residential shed, exactly?
 * A shed you live in. Changed to The residence of
 * You never say what command row was
 * all remaining uses of "Command Row"; I appear to have been the only person to call it that.
 * Maybe add who French was?
 * As the paranormal is considered and called a pseudoscience, I have instead French from the article.
 * Prose looks much better, I'm satisfied in that respect
 * Prose looks much better, I'm satisfied in that respect

sourcing

 * As far as I can tell, all references are good, and the spot check I conducted came up clean
 * If you are looking to take this further, I'd recommend decreasing reliance on Matthews
 * I'd also recommend converting all sources to harvard referencing
 * on the whole though, nothing to hold up promotion. Prose is now fine, imgs and referencing are good. Seems comprehensive enough to me; Happy to promote. Eddie891 Talk Work 17:48, 13 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks for reviewing. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  19:13, 14 April 2020 (UTC)