Talk:Forza Horizon 3/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: ProtoDrake (talk · contribs) 21:30, 16 August 2022 (UTC)

Hi. I'll take this on. If I'm not back by this time next week, ping me. --ProtoDrake (talk) 21:30, 16 August 2022 (UTC)

Comments
This is pretty much a first round. Once all these are addressed, I'll go through a second time to see if I missed anything. --ProtoDrake (talk) 14:36, 23 August 2022 (UTC)
 * Lead
 * "Forza Horizon 3 was conceived in 2014, initially after the release of its predecessor, Forza Horizon 2.". Awkward wording, maybe change to something like "Forza Horizon 3 began development in 2014 after the release of Forza Horizon 2.".
 * "Upon release, it received critical acclaim from reviewers. Critics praised the game for its map design, graphics, and amount of content, while most criticism was directed towards races." - "You can shorten this to "At release, critics praised the map design, graphics, and amount of content, while most criticism was directed towards races." Additionally, what about the races was criticised? Was it the concept of races in general?
 * "It was purchased over 2.5 million times in 2017 and won two awards." - Just say "It sold over 2.5 million copies during 2017" or something, how it reads now just sounds wrong. Also, you can say it "won and was nominated for multiple awards", which would fit in with what the Awards section tells me.
 * Gameplay
 * There is an inconsistency between the singular "player" and multiple "players" when talking about the gameplay.
 * "Added in Forza Horizon 2, players can also participate in Bucket List Challenges. During Bucket List Challenges, the player is given a task to complete with a specific vehicle.[8]" - I feel this can be condensed into one sentence.
 * "As players progress through the game, they will receive notifications informing them of barn find rumours; when found, the in-game mechanic will restore the barn find for the player to use.[10] When performing different types of stunts with a vehicle, the player is awarded "skill points". If enough skill points are acquired, they can be used to purchase certain perks.[11]" - The first section really feels like you could say "As players progress through the game, they can receive rumours of bard finds to uncover and restore.", because at the moment it reads very clunkily, particularly the "in-game mechanic" bit. In the second sentence, do we need to say "different types of stunts" rather than just "stunts" and what kinds of perks are purchased?
 * "The colour of vehicles and its collective parts can changed," - "colour of vehicle and its" or "colour of vehicles and their" here. You mixed up singular and plural nouns.
 * "game's transactional system," - Is this an in-game shop? A pseud-live marketplace? This just seems like an unnecessarily complicated way of saying "the in-game shop" unless there's an active distinction
 * "Players may participate in Forzathon competitions, which provides weekly challenges and gives awards once completed." - Again, mixing singular and plural, should be one or the other.
 * "Forza Horizon 3 offers a cooperative mode for up to four players.[15] The game also includes a multiplayer open world mode supporting up to 12 players.[16]" - Isn't cooperative a form of multiplayer? The way it's written here it sounds like a cooperative...single player? Which doesn't make sense. It also doesn't specify if the co-op is local-exclusive or not. I think this can be shortened into something like "Forza Horizon 3 includes/offers multiplayer modes including a cooperative mode for up to four players, and an open world competitive mode for up to twelve.[15][16]"
 * Development
 * The first few lines of the opening paragraph have too many uses of the words "develop" or "developer" or "development" to make comfortable reading. Maybe find some paraphrases or merge one or two of the sentences.
 * "Playground Games initially started" - May be being picky here, but I don't think you need "initially" here, double positive.
 * "The team desired to give players more freedom in Forza Horizon 3, which wasn't as prominent in the previous game of the series." - No contractions outside quotes. Maybe rewrite as "The team desired to give players more freedom in Forza Horizon 3 compared to its predecessor/the previous game."
 * "They also aimed for the game to be of better quality, therefore they sought to optomise more aspects over the previous title." - What aspects? Also, it's "optimise".
 * "Mike Brown, a game designer at Playground Games, thinks that the team" - Change to "thought that", this article is talking past tense outside of quotes.
 * "Australia to take photos for reference to aid in the game design" - You could shorten it to "reference photos/photographs
 * "High-dynamic-range (HDR), played a key role in the visuals of Forza Horizon 3. " - No need for comma.
 * "Originally, there wasn't any thought of incorporating HDR into the game during development," - Again, no contractions outside quotes.
 * "as the light rendering of the game engine was perfectly set up the incorporate the brightness gamut of HDR" - Let emotive language here if possible.
 * "help enhance the visual scenery for the game." - "visuals" is probably better here, just cut "scenery".
 * "they decided to share computer code, of which both developers improved on" - "of which" doesn't read very well.
 * I think the whole "Gameplay design" section can be merged into the overall "Design" section. Also, and this applies earlier too, you don't need to mention which magazine you're drawing from for developer comments.
 * Whether or not the sections are merged, the bulletpoint stuff in the gameplay dev section needs to be turned into concise prose as at the moment it looks messy.
 * Release
 * "and displayed a gameplay demo during the briefing." - Did the game display itself, or did someone display it? At the moment it reads like the former.
 * "Likewise to Blizzard Mountain," - Simplify to "Like Blizzard Mountain,".
 * References
 * You need to set Gamasutra as dead, since it's become Game Developer.
 * All changes have been addressed up to this point. Npthura (talk) 20:30, 25 August 2022 (UTC)

Had another look through, this is a Pass. --ProtoDrake (talk) 20:38, 25 August 2022 (UTC)