Talk:Francis Folger Franklin/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Cdtew (talk · contribs) 21:15, 12 September 2013 (UTC)

As a Franklinophile, I am happy to review this. I will have comments shortly.  Cdtew  (talk) 21:15, 12 September 2013 (UTC) I've completed my review. All in all, this is a wonderfully well-written article about a very short life. Good work! I look forward to your responses.  Cdtew  (talk) 00:58, 13 September 2013 (UTC)
 * First, as this is a topic primarily of interest in the United States, and as in colonial America the mdy format was most common as well (not to mention used predominately in Franklin's own writing), I have replaced your date formatting to mdy per WP:TIES.
 * Next, I have added a notation that these dates are in Old Style/Julian calendar, due to the fact that Britain (and British America) did not adopt the New Style/Gregorian calendar until 1752.
 * "In 1747, Franklin wrote to his mother that" - is the date on this correct? Wouldn't that be 11 years after his death?
 * "was described as a "precocious, curious and special" child,[18], "a golden child, his smiles brighter, his babblings more telling and his tricks more magical than all the other infants in the colonies combined"" - since these are pretty biased quotes, you might want to say who described Francis this way. Was it Franklin?  Deborah? Someone else?
 * "Franklin's business was going well enough" - since this article is on a brief subject, it may be good to add more detail about how Franklin was supporting his family in the 1730's.
 * "In 1772, Franklin's sister Jane Franklin Mecom, wrote him" - this is probably best in a later paragraph describing Franklin's reflections on his son later in life. It seems really out of place when Francis isn't dead yet.
 * "'a string which had been drawn through the pustule of a smallpox victim.'" - since this is a quote from somewhere, it needs to be directly cited at the end of the quote.
 * "Inoculation offered a mortality rate" - You might want to add something indicating this was at the time of Franklin's life
 * ""The delight of all who knew him."" - this sentence needs a citation to a source.
 * The sentence beginning "However, the choice of having Francis inoculated" contains a long quote in it, apparently from a source. It's best to remove this quote and to summarize/paraphrase it, because the encyclopedic format generally prefers to avoid long quotes from secondary sources.
 * The quote beginning "In 1736 I lost one of my sons..." could be block-quoted per MOS:Blockquote, since its more than 40 words/100 characters.
 * For fns 11 & 29, you should use "pp." instead of "p." for pages. You can do that by just adding another "p" in the |p=xx-xx}} part of your sfn's, making it |pp=xx-xx}}.
 * Normally, I might find it confusing that you're using "Franklin" to refer to a person not the subject of this article; in this instance, though, I think it works, as Francis Franklin didn't do much, and his father is clearly the main actor throughout the article.
 * I've made several edits to style and grammar, which you can find here. Feel free to raise any issues you have with my changes.
 * I have edited out all of the problems stated above, with one exception: the 1747 letter Franklin wrote to his mother. I have double-checked the book source and it says 1747. I admit it is confusing, but here's the original letter . I hope everything is alright now. --Alexcoldcasefan (talk) 11:20, 13 September 2013 (UTC)
 * } I've made one more change here, reordering the chronology in the final paragraph. As for the 1747 letter, having now read the original, I think I see the problem.  The letter is referring to Franklin's cousins, which can be inferred because in 18th-century English, a serial comma was used to separate even two occurrences in a list (ie: one could have written "At the store to-day, I purchased an apple, and two carrots").  So here, he is describing one cousin surnamed Coleman, and two other cousins surnamed Folger.  So, that being said, I think that sentence could be removed as irrelevant.  Not only that, but the mention of Sarah tells us that the letter isn't mis-dated.  Once that sentence is removed, this article is ready to go!   Cdtew  (talk) 13:51, 13 September 2013 (UTC)
 * Done. --Alexcoldcasefan (talk) 14:24, 13 September 2013 (UTC)