Talk:Frank Bladin/GA1

GA Review
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GA review of this version: Pn = paragraph n • Sn = sentence n
 * GA review (see here for criteria)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS):
 * Forgive my American ignorance, but what does "in country [Place]" mean? In the lead (P1, S2), I thought "in country Victoria" meant pre-Federation Victoria. But in "Early career" (P2, S3) "in country New South Wales" (in the mid 1930s) doesn't seem to mean the same thing, or did New South Wales not join the federation until after then?
 * American ignorance forgiven... Seriously though, "country" is an expression (often an adjective) used in Australia to mean "rural", so happy to change it to the latter to be more "worldly"...!
 * OK. That's fine. — Bellhalla (talk) 03:43, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * There seem to be an overabundance of initialisms in the text, giving it very jargon-y feel. Some, like RAAF, RAF, USAAF, are obviously more widely known shorthand notations, and NWA is used for variation so that there aren't a bajillion North-West Areas in the text. The biggest problem I have is with several initialism that are introduced— SASO, BCOF, AMP—that are then never subsequently used. Also, DCAS is introduced but only used once in a different section: this one might be better left out and the position name just written out again.
 * Actually I agree, and in general only use acronyms when I have multiple instances. I obviously expected to do so for AMP but never did, so will remove; re. DCAS, fair enough, will do as you suggest. However, I used SASO and BCOF once only deliberately because they're very common shorthand for their respective entities, so would prefer to leave them but obviously happy to discuss.
 * Reasonable enough. — Bellhalla (talk) 03:43, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Post-war career", P1, S7: What does was made substantive mean, made permanent?
 * Yes, "substantive" is used frequently in this sense not only in my bios but in many other MILHIST ones. I could change it here of course but it's all over the place in WP...
 * No need to change. I just wasn't familiar with the term. — Bellhalla (talk) 03:43, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Later life, P1, S2: What does ran a property mean?
 * In this case, owned and managed a grazing property - again it's perhaps an Australianism - will add/link 'grazing' and see how it reads to you then...
 * OK.
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * On hold for seven days.
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * On hold for seven days.
 * On hold for seven days.
 * On hold for seven days.

Just a few prose issues that need to be cleaned up before I can pass this. — Bellhalla (talk) 20:31, 14 May 2009 (UTC)


 * Thanks for review, Bellhalla. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 23:41, 14 May 2009 (UTC)
 * The changes look good, so I'm passing. — Bellhalla (talk) 03:43, 15 May 2009 (UTC)
 * Many thanks for your time, mate. Cheers, Ian Rose (talk) 04:07, 15 May 2009 (UTC)