Talk:Frank Fowler Loomis

GOCE copyedit request

 * Note to self: Revise the "Early life" section on another pass. Sentences can be better parsed.
 * ✅. — Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)


 * In 1870 he became a paid fireman in station No. #1. Emphasis added. "No." and "#" mean the same thing. Is the station house rendered as such in the source?
 * ✅ source says Steamer No. 1 for the fire station. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:41, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 * . — Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)


 * He slept at night at the fire station and worked at an outside trade during the day. I'm not educated on the subject, but is firefighting a trade?
 * ✅ - yes, I would consider firefighting a trade. Here is a book on the trade. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 10:41, 27 June 2020 (UTC)


 * Although the system needed updating and improvements [...] Updating and improvements go hand-in-hand. Would it be possible to replace "updating" with "maintenance"?
 * ✅ - yup! --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:18, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 * . — Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)


 * They wired fifteen miles in Akron to install new alarm boxes which used a telegraph key by the operator before realizing that the operator could not give the correct signal during the excitement of a fire. "Excitement" doesn't seem to be the correct word to use. Can it be removed to just read during a fire?
 * ✅ - reworded to use "hysteria" for the new fire. Hysteria = an uncontrollable outburst of fear. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:29, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 * . — Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)


 * Loomis then developed an alarm box that worked by turning a crank that automatically gave the correct signal. He patented an alarm box (#US323435A) which sends a signal when the lever is pulled. Edited already, but asking for confirmation: looking at the schematic on the right, does the alarm trigger when the door is opened?
 * ✅ = yes. See reworded copy edit. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:46, 27 June 2020 (UTC)


 * It was first developed with a telegraph key, however soon improved with telephones built in. Were telephones installed later in the boxes or were the boxes completely replaced?
 * ✅ = the boxes were completely replaced. Copy edited to read "however soon improved with a completely new alarm box style that had a telephone already installed in it." The news clip reference says so new boxes were designed with telephone instrument included. Look it over to see if it is grammatically correct on my wording. Thanks. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:58, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 * ✅. Tweaked the wording a little. — Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)


 * Loomis of E. York Street in Akron was the creator of this automobile. The sentence is sourced but I'm not sure of its relevance; the first sentence in the paragraph establishes the connection between the man and the vehicle.
 * ✅ - removed. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:03, 27 June 2020 (UTC)


 * The electric police patrol wagon was completely overhauled in 1913 to be exhibited. Slightly edited. Was it overhauled to be exhibited specifically for the 1915 International Expo?
 * ✅ - worded to show that it was overhauled to be exhibited specifically for the 1915 International Expo. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:43, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 * . — Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)


 * In 1874, Loomis and another engineer developed and helped deploy four fire alarm telegraph signal boxes at key businesses in Akron. Is "helped" necessary? The closest source I'm reading in the paragraph doesn't go into detail about how he "helped deploy" the signal boxes.
 * ✅ - see added news clip source quote for referencing of using "helped deploy" wording.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:16, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 * "Helping " implies that the person doing the helping isn't the primary actor; in the new clipping, Loomis says James Stanford, who was with [him] in the fire department, aided [him] in putting in four boxes in Akron. Loomis appears to be the one in charge of deploying the new boxes with Stanford aiding him. I still think "helped develop" can be changed to "developed", even if it gives Stanford a little more credit than the source reports. — Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)


 * - All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. After you remove the "under construction" template then I'll assume you are done and I will submit for GAN. It looks to me like it is ready for that. Thanks.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:43, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 * Thanks for looking through these. There is a suggestion I am hoping you'll consider. One more thing: I've gone ahead and title-cased "City Chief Engineer"; I just want to confirm that how it is rendered in the source. Hope to hear from you soon! — Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  17:45, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 * - copy edited the last part of the second paragraph in Mid life and career section to follow the sources. Does it look alright grammatically? The edits you did at 17:41 27 June 2020 look good to me = thanks! Changed to Stanford developed four fire alarm telegraph signal boxes = does that look good to you? Thanks for all your great professional editing and improvements. Perhaps we will meet again as I other requests at GOCE and am doing a lot of Good Articles now from the articles I originally created that were first DYKs. Passing this one off to you for any final comments or suggestions.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 19:53, 27 June 2020 (UTC)
 * , awesome! I'm just going to change "developed" to "built" in that case (feel free to revert if reviewer thinks "developed" is better), but everything else seems to be in order. See you around! — Tenryuu 🐲 ( 💬 • 📝 )  00:26, 28 June 2020 (UTC)

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