Talk:Frank Patrick (ice hockey)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Harrias (talk · contribs) 10:00, 29 April 2023 (UTC)

I've had my eye on this one for a while. I take a look shortly. Harrias (he/him) • talk 10:00, 29 April 2023 (UTC)

Images

 * 6a. Symbol question.svg A few issues below:


 * File:Renfrew.jpg – no indication of when this image was first published. The blog it was published on was from 2010, so based on that date of publication (which clearly isn't the earliest, but in the absence of any other evidence is all we have) it wouldn't be eligible for US-PD. Also, as the image was presumably taken in Canada, it should have a Canadian tag too.
 * I swapped that out with an image we have clearer copyright status on.


 * File:Leter Patrick C57 Card.png – this needs a Canadian tag, as from what I can see it was first made available in Canada.
 * File:Denman arena 1913.jpg – The VPL page for this gives the photographer as "Stuart Thomson", which should be added to the description page. If you can link to the VPL page that would be great. (This might work?
 * 6b. Symbol confirmed.svg A nice selection of images which are relevant to the article and well captioned.

I'll continue with a full prose review soon. Harrias (he/him) • talk 16:23, 29 April 2023 (UTC)

Prose

 * 1a. Symbol question.svg Generally well written; specific points below.
 * "..who also served as president of the league, would take control of the.." and "It was in the PCHA that Patrick would introduce many innovations.." It might just be a "me" thing, but I dislike this construction, particularly in the first instance, where we switch tenses. I'd prefer "..who also served as president of the league, took control of the.." and "It was in the PCHA that Patrick introduced many innovations.."
 * "..Patrick began playing hockey there with his brother Lester. He began playing in.." The close repetition of "began playing" is slightly jarring.
 * "..proceeds to establish the PCHA, establishing teams in Vancouver, Victoria, and New Westminster. The league soon established itself.." And close repetition of establish/establishing/established.
 * "..and later renamed the Western Hockey League.." Feels like this is missing "was" before "later".
 * "schoolmarm" It might be an ENGVAR thing, but I question whether this is an encyclopaedic term? It feels like a colloquialism.
 * This was the term used by the source, and I'm hesitant to adjust as a result. I added a link to Wiktionary for the term though which I think should help.


 * "..had been allowed in the ECAHA at that time.." The "ECAHA" acronym has been used with explanation. What is it?
 * "..the ECHA was.." Same as above.
 * "..were over anyways." Change "anyways" to "anyway", which is more appropriate for formal writing.
 * "In a separate transaction Patrick also sold a private interest he had, earning a further $35,000." It is unclear which member of the Patrick family this refers to.
 * Establish the "PCHA" acronym on the first use of "Pacific Coast Hockey Association".
 * "The signing of Taylor to the PCA.." Is this a typo?
 * "..netting the WHL owners a total of $267,000." It seems odd we've been given details of $217,000 of this, but not the rest.
 * "..and a major penalty for.." Wikilink "major penalty"?
 * "..to take over for Calder as president of the league.." This should be "from", not "for".
 * "That off-season Ross, who.." The last "Ross" mentioned was the historian, so you should probably include his first name here.
 * "However the two did not work well, .." I think this would read better if you added "together" after "well".
 * "There was also allegations that.." This should be "were", not "was".
 * "..Patrick's daughter Francis instead thought he may.." This should be "that", not "thought".
 * "After the WHL disbanded in 1926, Patrick spent the next two.." Because the last time-frame we read about was the 1930s, I think this would read better as "After the WHL disbanded in 1926, Patrick had spent two.."
 * "..to stop a puck anyway they wanted.." This should be "any way" not "anyway".
 * Wikilink "Canadian Car and Foundry".
 * 1b. Symbol confirmed.svg No relevant MOS issues.


 * 3a. Symbol confirmed.svg No concerns.
 * 3b. Symbol confirmed.svg No concerns.
 * 4. Symbol confirmed.svg No concerns.
 * 5. Symbol confirmed.svg No concerns.

Nice work, I'll stick this on hold to give you time to work on the fixes, but there's nothing major. Harrias (he/him) • talk 17:03, 11 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Thanks for the review. I should have everything taken care of by the weekend, but if I need more time I'll be sure to note it here. Kaiser matias (talk) 19:36, 11 May 2023 (UTC)
 * An update: most concerns addressed, just need to check a few things before I finish. Kaiser matias (talk) 18:16, 13 May 2023 (UTC)
 * Everything should be good now. I added a few notes above about specific things, but otherwise everything should be straightforward. If you have any other comments or queries please let me know. Kaiser matias (talk) 16:44, 14 May 2023 (UTC)
 * The changes all look great, happy to pass this, good work. Harrias  (he/him) • talk 08:22, 15 May 2023 (UTC)