Talk:Freddie Fox (actor)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: PCN02WPS (talk · contribs) 07:28, 7 January 2022 (UTC)

Hi there, I'll be reviewing this nomination in the coming days. PCN02WPS ( talk  &#124;  contribs ) 07:28, 7 January 2022 (UTC)

Lead

 * "Freddie Baxter in the series Cucumber" → add bolded word
 * "His many notable theatre credits" → The word "notable" should be removed per MOS:EDITORIAL
 * "Travesties (2016-2017)" → replace hyphen (-) with endash (–)
 * Edmond de Bergerac should be italicized

Early life and education

 * "they discovered the thespian thread goes back 100 years" is word-for-word from the source, I'd recommend rewording.

Career

 * The subsection headers should use en dashes (–) instead of em dashes (—) in the section headers.

Beginnings

 * The second and third sentences need to be sourced.

2010—2015: Worried About the Boy, Cucumber, Banana

 * The Old Vic is linked twice in the third sentence of the subsection.
 * The embedded external link included with "Margy Kinmonth" is inappropriate per WP:CS:EMBED, this can be included as an inline citation.
 * The external link included with "Words of Everest" is inappropriate per above.
 * I would avoid converting this into an inline citation as the link targets IMDb, which is not a reliable inline source per WP:IMDB. It is appropriate to use as an external link when done correctly per WP:IMDB-EL, but only if the subject of the entire page is exactly the same as the subject of the IMDb page that you're linking. Since this IMDb page is not Fox's, but just a movie he appeared in, this link would not be appropriate.
 * The external link included with "Freeze-Frame" (IMDb) is inappropriate per above.
 * "i-D says of Fox..." → change to the past tense "said"
 * The quotation that follows does not need to be italicized
 * "...the benefactor of the title characters Prometheus creation..." → a couple things: (1) "Prometheus" sounds awkward here as an adjective; maybe use "Promethean" instead? (2) add a comma after "creation"
 * As is, "Victor Frankenstein" links to the article about the character instead of the article about the film

2015—2017: Romeo and Juliet, Travesties, Dennis and Gnasher: Unleashed!

 * "2-day rehearsal" → "two-day rehearsal" per MOS:SPELL09
 * West End theatre is already linked in the previous subsection
 * This is purely opinion but I think "one of the top 10 shows" reads better as "one of the top ten shows", but integers above nine can be expressed in numerals or in text so this one is up to you.
 * The external link included with "Kidscreen" is inappropriate per above; this would not work as an inline citation as it is just linked to the organization's home page.
 * "Animation" does not need to be capitalized
 * add a comma after "...Sword (2017)"
 * "...voiced a character/s in..." → what do you mean by "a character/s"
 * The last two sentences need to be sourced.

2018—2019: The Ice King, An Ideal Husband, Hero, Edmond de Bergerac

 * "...on the Great Famine of 1847." → The target article Great Famine does say that 1847 was the worst year of the famine but says that the famine itself lasted from 1845–1852, so I would either remove "of 1847" or specify that 1847 was the worst year of the famine.
 * "...Ireland's first historical film on the Great Famine of 1847." → this claim is not mentioned in the source, so it should either be cited or removed.
 * "...The Ice King narrated by Fox which..." → commas are needed before "narrated" and after "Fox"
 * A comma is needed a few words later, after "John Curry"
 * Personally, I feel like "...who revolutionised ice skating from a dated sport into an exalted art form..." is unneeded detail and the sentence could be shortened to read "...Curry, who was the first openly gay Olympian..."
 * "Olympian" → link to Olympic Games
 * "...for The Telegraph,"embodies..." → missing a space before the quote
 * "In the same year was his directorial debut through the short..." → awkwardly worded, I'd recommend "Fox made his directorial debut the same year with the short film Hero..."
 * The external link included with "Hero" (IMDb) is inappropriate per above.
 * The external link included with "The Class Ceiling" is inappropriate per above, though this can be converted to an inline citation.

2020—present: White House Farm

 * "persuasive" is not mentioned in the source and does not read as being neutral
 * "...international release on HBO Max in September 2020 and on Netflix in February 2021" needs citations
 * The external link included with "Dennis and Gnasher: Unleashed! On the Big Screen" (IMDb) is inappropriate per above.
 * "in season 4" → "in season four"
 * The external link included with "The Theatre Channel" is inappropriate per above; this would not work as an inline citation as it is just linked to the organization's home page.
 * "Money" redirects to Cabaret (musical), which is linked a few words later, so the link for "Money" can probably be removed
 * The last portion of the final paragraph needs to be cited

Philanthropy

 * The external link included with "Prostate Cancer Research Centre" is inappropriate per above; this would not work as an inline citation as it is just linked to the organization's home page.
 * The external link included with "The Story of Christmas Appeal" is inappropriate per above; this would not work as an inline citation as it is just linked to the organization's home page.
 * The external links included with "The Poetry Hour", "Brain Tumour Research Campaign", "The Story of Christmas Appeal", "The National Brain Appeal" are inappropriate per above; see others linked in this subsection of the review.
 * Same thing with external links to "Lockdown Theatre" and "The Royal Theatrical Fund".
 * And with "Hospitality Action" and "The Connection"

Public image

 * The first paragraph of this subsection is a little quotation-heavy, perhaps restate some of these in your own words?
 * "Often branded as an acting royalty" → does this refer to Freddie or his family?
 * The quotes that refer to him when he was 23 seem a little out of place when stated in present tense, given he is 32 now.
 * External link with "The Gentlemen's Journal"
 * "their best edition for 'no previous issue has" → remove quote (')
 * The Riot Club is linked previously in the article

Personal life

 * Cucumber is linked previously in the article

Filmography

 * Each entry in the tables in these subsections (film, television, theatre, web, directed film, concert performance, video games) needs a citation (the appropriate inline ones from the article can be re-used here)
 * External links in the "title" section are inappropriate per WP:ELLIST

Film

 * You can expand the abbreviations "Prod." and "Post-Prod."
 * A War Poem and Coffee Wars are both not out yet and scheduled for 2022 release; I can't find anything on Drawn to War but if it was a 2021 release it would be out by now.

Radio and audio

 * Same issue with citations as above.
 * "Apr-June 2020" → "Apr–June 2020" (endash)