Talk:Frederick Morrell Zeder/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 18:32, 3 May 2021 (UTC)

Comments
 * No need to link engineer and it creates a confusing sea of blue.


 * " Allis-Chalmers and Studebaker" context, what are/were these organisations?


 * "rubber motor mounts" link.


 * "core engineering people that" people reads odd to me, perhaps team?


 * "the present day" hyphenate in this usage.


 * "He came up with innovations like " -> "His innovations included"


 * "Then his family lived in Bay City, Michigan" by Then do you mean "at that time" or "subsequently"?


 * "Zeder had four brothers... " use first name here as lots of Zeders have been noted previously.


 * Link "public schools" because that means something different in the UK.


 * ""was as a helper being a machinist's" -> "was as a machinist's"


 * "Bay City (manufacturer of" -> "Bay City, a manufacturer of..."


 * "a railroad call boy (waking up the train crew in the morning) for" no italics and perhaps: "a railroad call boy, responsible for waking up the train crew in the morning, for"


 * "Central Railroad.[6] He oversaw railroad" -> "Central Railroad where he oversaw railroad"


 * "to have them oiled " ->" ensuring they were"


 * "In high school" -> "While at high school"


 * "public high school Bay City" odd way round? or missing word?


 * "Zeder went to the" attended?


 * "Bachelor of Science" could link.


 * "apprentice" is overlinked.


 * "This is where " -> "There"


 * "met Carl Breer" context, how, in what capacity?


 * "such a student and was from Stanford University." so he was studying a second degree? Or a post-grad course/doctorate?


 * "friends in their" during.


 * "the E-M-F Company in" context, what did this company do?


 * "brothers (wagon builders) took" what do you mean?


 * "he was Studebaker's" he was or became?


 * "and was about to be bankrupt" -> "and was close to bankruptcy."


 * "In 1914 Zeder enticed Breer to come over" this seems to have gone back in the narrative.


 * "transmitting its power to the wheels " do you mean transmissions?


 * ""The Three Musketeers" of Studebaker and Willys—Zeder, Skelton, and Breer—" you don't need to repeat this definition of the Three Musketeers.


 * "became the heart of"" not encyclopedic in tone.


 * "credited Frederick Zeder" no need for Frederick.


 * "an air flow design" why italics? And what does it mean?


 * "car. It was to demonstrate" merge. And I don't think "purr of the motor" is encyclopedic.


 * ISBNs all formatted differently - make consistent.


 * That's sufficient for a first review, on hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 16:30, 5 May 2021 (UTC)
 * I see you have been practicing your English. You are getting very good at it. (hehehehehe)
 * All issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks. -Doug Coldwell (talk) 20:36, 5 May 2021 (UTC)
 * On my to-do list for tomorrow Doug, cheers! The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 20:38, 5 May 2021 (UTC)


 * Infobox says he was a Democrat but that's not referenced or mentioned anywhere else.
 * ✅ = removed.


 * Link Bay City, Michigan in the prose.


 * "then got a job at" ->"then employed by"


 * Link Millwaukee.


 * Link Detroit.


 * "The Studebaker brothers (wagon builders)" again, what? Do you "... brothers, who were wagon builders, ..."?  And what sort of wagons?


 * "1924 Chrysler B-70 Touring Cars" any reason touring cars is capitalised? Is that their formal name?


 * Convert 68 horsepower.


 * Convert two feet.


 * Convert "eighth of an inch"

That's it. Sorry I missed some of these on the first pass. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 07:06, 6 May 2021 (UTC)
 * All additional issues have been addressed. Can you take another look. Thanks. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:08, 6 May 2021 (UTC)
 * Ok, it's promoted, cheers. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 15:33, 6 May 2021 (UTC)