Talk:Garsa Fwip/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Pamzeis (talk · contribs) 14:57, 23 May 2022 (UTC)

I'll take this one on, since it's quite short and been hanging around on the GAN page for a few months now. (DISCLAIMER: I have absolutely no idea who this character is.) Pamzeis (talk) 14:57, 23 May 2022 (UTC)


 * Oh my goodness, I actually completely forgot about this article ― Kaleeb18TalkCaleb 15:20, 23 May 2022 (UTC)

Prose

 * in the Star Wars franchise in the Disney+ television — the Star Wars franchise is not in the series? (Like, it's the other way round, if ya know what I mean)
 * I think I fixed it
 * Also, franchise should not be in italics
 * She brings her tribute and loyalty to Boba Fett by filling his helmet with gold. When Krrsantan is fighting the Trandoshans she tries to calm him, but fails. She is later killed after the Pykes blow up The Sanctuary while she is inside. — all these storylines feel really disconnected...
 * You should definitily look over this
 * Beals also did not know what show she was part of — clunky-ish
 * critics even thought that Fwip — "even" seems like original research
 * he is the person — I know Fwip is a female, but the reader does not know that yet (minus the lead), so it is ambiguous who "he" is
 * but check over
 * cousins who have come — not entirely sure about this one but should there be a comma after cousins?
 * ... just in case
 * his past as a gladiator telling him — comma after gladiator?
 * Krrsantan does not listen and — but- but I thought Fwip calmed him down? Doesn't make sense to me...
 * I think I
 * Watching the whole — the wording seems kinda off to me... maybe "After watching the whole ..."?
 * tan skinned → tan-skinned
 * have two lekku, tentacular appendages — as a non...Warsie? What are the Star Wars fandom called? Looking it up doesn't yield anything that is used in particular. Oh, wait, back to the point. As a non-whatever, I'm just confused as heck
 * Man this is hard to describe, but I tried to make it a little better. If you have any thoughts, it is the two thing on the back of her head that go down to her back.
 * back of there heads — is this the wrong there/their/they're or do you mean something else?
 * she got the job for the part — "the job", "the part", kinda clunky, esp. since only one is necessary
 * thought that you could not — addressing the reader is sorta informal...
 * The makeup artist, Alexy Jukic-Prévost, made — the- the only one? If not, remove the commas
 * have two lekku, tentacular appendages — as a non...Warsie? What are the Star Wars fandom called? Looking it up doesn't yield anything that is used in particular. Oh, wait, back to the point. As a non-whatever, I'm just confused as heck
 * Man this is hard to describe, but I tried to make it a little better. If you have any thoughts, it is the two thing on the back of her head that go down to her back.
 * back of there heads — is this the wrong there/their/they're or do you mean something else?
 * she got the job for the part — "the job", "the part", kinda clunky, esp. since only one is necessary
 * thought that you could not — addressing the reader is sorta informal...
 * The makeup artist, Alexy Jukic-Prévost, made — the- the only one? If not, remove the commas
 * thought that you could not — addressing the reader is sorta informal...
 * The makeup artist, Alexy Jukic-Prévost, made — the- the only one? If not, remove the commas
 * The makeup artist, Alexy Jukic-Prévost, made — the- the only one? If not, remove the commas

Other

 * Perhaps you can add this to the reception section to balance the praise? Also, any expansions would be appreciated, as it is currently very short.
 * was trying to look for more when you accepted it, but did not find any so thanks for this.

That's all my comments. Article. Ping me when the comments are resolved. Pamzeis (talk) 14:30, 28 May 2022 (UTC)
 * Well, I think I'm done. ― Kaleeb18TalkCaleb 22:18, 28 May 2022 (UTC)

Second look

 * She is of the Twi'lek species — is this wording correct? It feels off to me, but I am unsure on how you word species stuff
 * usual Twi'lek as most — comma before as
 * When she arrived on set she said that — the article doesn't say that she said that when she arrived on set
 * It does in the second paragraph in the portrayal section where it says Beals later said that when she got on set she had no clue what show she was part of, but said that she knew it was Star Wars
 * ...but the difference between these two is that with the latter, Beals could have said that anytime, while with the former, she has to have said it while she arrived on set
 * explains that they are — who is "they"?
 * With Twi'lek women being considered attractive, Twi'leks are often → Since they are considered attractive, Twi'lek women are often
 * explains that they are — who is "they"?
 * With Twi'lek women being considered attractive, Twi'leks are often → Since they are considered attractive, Twi'lek women are often
 * With Twi'lek women being considered attractive, Twi'leks are often → Since they are considered attractive, Twi'lek women are often

Apologies for the delay; I have been a bit sick as of late. Pamzeis (talk) 03:47, 1 June 2022 (UTC)
 * I am done, and I hope you get well soon. ― Kaleeb18TalkCaleb 23:37, 1 June 2022 (UTC)

Third look

 * Make sure everything in #Appearances is in present tense, with the exception of flashbacks/backstories, per MOS:PLOT
 * lacking both" so they called — comma before so

Almost there! Pamzeis (talk) 13:04, 5 June 2022 (UTC)


 * Alright I think I've fixed the problems. ― Kaleeb18TalkCaleb 18:03, 5 June 2022 (UTC)
 * Did you see the comment in #Second look about the lead? If not, it's: ...but the difference between these two is that with the latter, Beals could have said that anytime, while with the former, she has to have said it while she arrived on set. Pamzeis (talk) 02:39, 9 June 2022 (UTC)
 * Yes I thought I fixed it. ― Kaleeb18TalkCaleb 23:54, 10 June 2022 (UTC)
 * Hmmm... it does not seem resolved to me. Can you try revising it? Pamzeis (talk) 01:45, 15 June 2022 (UTC)
 * I think I fixed it. If not can you fix it for me? ― Kaleeb18</b>Talk<sub style="position:relative;right:20q;margin-right:-15px;">Caleb 23:01, 18 June 2022 (UTC)

Fourth look
Great work! the article! Pamzeis (talk) 07:53, 20 June 2022 (UTC)


 * Awesome! Thanks for the review. ― <b style="background:#000;color:#f07b3a;padding:1q;border-radius:5q;">Kaleeb18</b>Talk<sub style="position:relative;right:20q;margin-right:-15px;">Caleb 13:44, 20 June 2022 (UTC)