Talk:Gathering of personally identifiable information

Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment
This article is or was the subject of a Wiki Education Foundation-supported course assignment. Further details are available on the course page. Student editor(s): GloriaGu2018. Peer reviewers: Prizmic, Class20.

Above undated message substituted from Template:Dashboard.wikiedu.org assignment by PrimeBOT (talk) 21:36, 17 January 2022 (UTC)

Peer Review
To begin, your introduction/lead section is very clearly written, nice job! I would just suggest, in the last paragraph of the lead, to write "87 million users, has caused an increasing concern over privacy violation and has renewed the call for more comprehensive data protection laws." Then I would suggest putting "the" before US Office of Personnel Management. Great lead section though! Definition section is also very well written. I see that you edited the introduction section under Governments to remove specific countries and make it more general. I think that was a good move that way readers can just jump to the examples straight away. For the Finland section, add "the" before European Union; other than that, the 3 country sections look great. Under companies, I think you meant to write "tracking user's location" instead of "tracing". Other than that, the section looks good. Under Hackers, you could probably hyperlink "Sony Picture Entertainment" and "The Interview". I like that you wrote an introduction section for the Related Laws part. I understand why you want that to be a separate section at the bottom of the page; it makes sense to have just a sort of list of laws. Overall, you've made a ton of great progress and you should be very happy with your final article! Congrats! --Prizmic (talk) 15:58, 19 April 2018 (UTC)

Peer Review
I agree with Prizmic above, the intro is good, however I would reword "PII gathering exists everywhere and anytime", as I feel like you should not use exist, because PII gathering is an action so maybe PII gathering can be performed anywhere anytime. I also like how you mentioned Facebook and Cambridge Analytica. I would also change the definition section to say "While there is no precise definition for PII gathering, according...". In the Finland section change the gatherings of the first sentence to gathering. In the companies section you can combine the sentence by saying "Facebook and Cambridge Analytica data breach is an example. Cambridge Analytica traced personality traits from potential voters’ activities on Facebook, such as their “likes” and locations, and used this personal information to predict voting behaviors.Also just a personal preference thing, I would put the countries that are in the European Union, so I know which countries would follow GDPR in the future, or I would suggest hyperlinking. Lastly , for the concerns section I think you can get ride of the negative outcome part, as I feel like if it violates privacy rights, it can be assumed that it is a negative outcome. I would change the sentence to "PII gathering is usually viewed by the public as a violation of privacy; a major....". Overall, I think you did a very good job, in terms of not only the outline, but the quality of writing as I saw far fewer writing errors. Class20 (talk) 21:52, 27 April 2018 (UTC)

abdulabba 09039588 102.67.11.9 (talk) 19:43, 2 July 2024 (UTC)