Talk:Geoffrey Massey/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: The Rambling Man (talk · contribs) 16:56, 25 March 2021 (UTC)

Comments
 * "As an urban planner he was " -> "As an urban planner, Massey was..." (you've mentioned Erickson in between so "he" is uncertain).
 * ✅ Ktin (talk) 19:24, 1 April 2021 (UTC)


 * "city of Vancouver and development of Granville Island in the city." repetitive use of "city" in one sentence.
 * ✅. Removed the first city. But, if you think I should retain the first 'city' and remove the second, please do let know. Thanks. Ktin (talk) 19:24, 1 April 2021 (UTC)


 * No need to link common geographical places like London.
 * ✅ both from passage and the infobox. Ktin (talk) 19:24, 1 April 2021 (UTC)


 * Question: which Engvar? "a theater artist" theatre for Brit.
 * ✅. Changed this. But, if there is something else that I need to correct, please feel free to let know. Ktin (talk) 19:32, 1 April 2021 (UTC)


 * "father's career took him to Broadway" feels out of order as you've already said his father was a Broadway actor.
 * Tried a revision. Please see if this works better. Happy to make any additional changes. Ktin (talk) 01:23, 19 April 2021 (UTC)


 * "Canadian military" any more, like which arm?
 * ✅ added more. Ktin (talk) 19:27, 1 April 2021 (UTC)


 * Bachelor of Arts is normally capitalised.
 * ✅ Ktin (talk) 19:24, 1 April 2021 (UTC)


 * "towards urban design, including introduction" I would split these.
 * ✅ Ktin (talk) 01:25, 19 April 2021 (UTC)


 * Interestingly, Chandigarh doesn't mention "grounds-up" or "ground-up" (although to me the latter makes more sense).
 * ✅ Ktin (talk) 19:27, 1 April 2021 (UTC)


 * "building a new township Kitimat" -> "building Kitimat, a new township, ..."
 * ✅. Ktin (talk) 20:33, 31 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "designs and rigid design templates.[1] He met Arthur Erickson and they partnered on many design projects" "design" overdose.
 * ✅ Ktin (talk) 01:28, 19 April 2021 (UTC)


 * "met Arthur Erickson and they partnered on many design projects.[3] ... Partnering with Erickson," repetitive.
 * ✅ Ktin (talk) 01:27, 19 April 2021 (UTC)


 * "that would beat 71 other submissions to end up winning the competition." -> "that beat 71 other submissions to win the competition."
 * ✅. Ktin (talk) 20:18, 31 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "and going for a " -> "and adopting a"
 * ✅. Ktin (talk) 20:30, 31 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "Earlier in 1963," reads odd, like you're saying "earlier in the year". Do you mean "Earlier, in 1963, ..."
 * ✅. Eikes. Yes, I "meant Earlier, in 1964, ...". Fixed. Thanks. Ktin (talk) 20:18, 31 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "architect, Ron Thom, to win"' our article calls him Ronald, any reason we don't here?
 * ✅. Ktin (talk) 20:18, 31 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "He became a ..." he ... he ... he ... he .... mix it up a bit.
 * ✅. Ktin (talk) 01:31, 19 April 2021 (UTC)


 * "her modernist house" overlinked.
 * ✅ Ktin (talk) 20:18, 31 March 2021 (UTC)


 * "Source(s):" well, there are four, so just "Sources:" would be fine.
 * ✅ Ktin (talk) 20:18, 31 March 2021 (UTC)

"* ✅ changed. Ktin (talk) 19:33, 1 April 2021 (UTC) That's all I have for a first pass, on hold. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 19:54, 31 March 2021 (UTC)
 * I would expect "notable" works to have articles.


 * Many thanks for this detailed and thoughtful feedback. Let me work on these pointers and will notify you once the changes are ready for your eyes. Ktin (talk) 20:11, 31 March 2021 (UTC)



Another set of comments
I had thought of reviewing this article but then didn't have the time. But I made a few notes at the time, which I have reproduced here for whatever they are worth:
 * His father was a very well-known film actor, not just theatre.
 * ✅. Please have a look and let know if you'd need any additional edits. Ktin (talk) 01:31, 19 April 2021 (UTC)


 * Geoffrey was raised by his famous father, how did that affect him?
 * Didn't get a specific answer to this one. Is there any specific line that you are thinking around? Not been able to find much. Ktin (talk) 01:37, 19 April 2021 (UTC)


 * Sources are dominated by obituaries, would be good to have some other kinds of sources.
 * Added some more info from newspaper archives from the local library. Ktin (talk) 02:20, 19 April 2021 (UTC)


 * In particular would be good to have some real architectural criticism.
 * fns 3 and 4 are to the same thing
 * ✅ Ktin (talk) 01:34, 19 April 2021 (UTC)


 * Why did his partnership with Erickson end?
 * Didn't get a specific answer to this one, but, it appears that ~1972 was when ran for / became a member of the city council and the partnership ended at that time. Let me know if that helps. Ktin (talk) 01:36, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
 * ✅ Managed to get some more details from Newspaper archives from that period. Ktin (talk) 02:10, 19 April 2021 (UTC)


 * '... due to agonies ...' – that word seems a little over the top.
 * ✅ Ktin (talk) 01:34, 19 April 2021 (UTC)


 * In what branch of Canadian military did he serve, and in what role?
 * ✅ Ktin (talk) 01:32, 19 April 2021 (UTC)

Needless to say, you are free to act on these comments or not as you see fit. Wasted Time R (talk) 17:26, 1 April 2021 (UTC)


 * let me know when you think you might address these? The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 10:33, 7 April 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your patience on this one . Certain off-wiki / IRL activities have meant that I have not been able to spend much time on Wiki, and this is expected to continue through mid-next week. Please can I request some additional time to get to this. Thanks. Ktin (talk) 16:05, 7 April 2021 (UTC)
 * Thanks for your patience . Have incorporated most of the requests. Please have a look at your convenience and let me know if you'd need anything more from my end. Cheers. Ktin (talk) 02:21, 19 April 2021 (UTC)
 * Ok, that's fine, good to go. The Rambling Man (Stay alert! Control the virus! Save lives!&#33;!&#33;) 11:59, 21 April 2021 (UTC)