Talk:George Harrison Barbour/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Hog Farm (talk · contribs) 00:24, 8 April 2020 (UTC)

Criteria
1. Prose ✅

2. Verifiability ✅

3. Depth of Coverage ✅

4. Neutral ✅

5. Stable ✅

6. Illustrations ✅ - caption

7. Miscellaneous ✅

Comments
1.
 * Anything you can add to the lead to make it a couple sentences longer? Would it be appropriate to mention that he got his start with the general store?
 * ✅ - expanded lead. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 12:59, 9 April 2020 (UTC)


 * The other name in the infobox isn't necessary, nothing's spelled different and abbreviating the middle name is common enough for most people that it's not a notable other name.
 * ✅ - removed this extra name.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:03, 9 April 2020 (UTC)


 * "Jane, his wife, is the first white" - I think this should be in past tense, since it's referring to an event in the past.
 * ✅ "is" --> "was" --Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:14, 9 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Back-to-back sentences in the early life section start with "His", can this be varied some?
 * ✅ - corrected accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 13:24, 9 April 2020 (UTC)


 * See MOS:NUMERALS, numbers between one and nine should be spelled this (the 4 in the infobox is fine). Check the rest of the article, though.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:26, 9 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Mid life is a bit non-standard for a heading in a biography. Since all of the content is about the Michigan Stove Company, I'd recommend renaming the section to Michigan Stove Company.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 14:33, 9 April 2020 (UTC)


 * "and chairman of the board a couple of years after that." - Probably better to give the exact year or to say two years later. "a couple of" is a tad colloquial for encyclopedic tone (I've had similar phrases in my GA candidates called out for that), and anymore isn't always used as the exact meaning of two.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:01, 9 April 2020 (UTC)


 * "He organized the Michigan Copper & Brass Company in 1907;[7] He was its president " - Either replace the semicolon with a period or the second he should be lowercase.
 * ✅ --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:01, 9 April 2020 (UTC)


 * "He was its president until 1914 and sold his company shares" - The meaning of "and sold his company shares" is unclear. Are you trying to indicate that he sold his shares in 1914 when he stepped down as president?
 * ✅ - reworded accordingly. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:01, 9 April 2020 (UTC)


 * "Barbour was also president of the Ireland & Mathews Manufacturing Company, the vice president of the Dime Savings Bank and First National Bank." - Grammar's a tad rough in this sentence. If the intended meaning was that he was president of I & M and was vice president of the two banks, replace the comma with "and".  As of right now, the later half is a clause to nowhere.
 * ✅ - fixed accordingly. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:05, 9 April 2020 (UTC)


 * "He was sick from pneumonia a week before he died" --> "He was sick from pneumonia for a week before he died", the other wording can have the implication that the pneumonia simply occurred a week before he died and didn't contribute to the passing.
 * ✅ - corrected accordingly. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:19, 9 April 2020 (UTC)


 * In the infobox you state that Barbour died in Detroit, wouldn't it be more accurate to state Grosse Pointe Farms, Michigan?
 * ✅ - corrected accordingly.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:22, 9 April 2020 (UTC)

2.
 * "and chairman of the board a couple of years after that." - Citation needed, not supported by the next cited source.
 * ✅ - news clip reference furnished for 1921.--Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:46, 9 April 2020 (UTC)

3.

4.

5.

6.
 * Caption of the stove - Can you add where the stove is currently displayed?
 * ✅ caption = destroyed by lightning. --Doug Coldwell (talk) 15:53, 9 April 2020 (UTC)

7.

Placing on hold, that's it for the first pass through. Hog Farm (talk) 02:16, 8 April 2020 (UTC)
 * - Everything addressed, passing. Hog Farm (talk) 16:01, 9 April 2020 (UTC)