Talk:Girl at the End of the World/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: K. Peake (talk · contribs) 08:07, 5 December 2020 (UTC)

Good idea to try and wipe another November article out of the queue before Christmas! --K. Peake 08:07, 5 December 2020 (UTC)

Infobox and lead

 * Infobox looks good
 * "produced the band's previous studio album" → "produced their previous studio album,"
 * "between May and September 2015" → "between May and September of 2015"
 * "Girl at the End of the World reprised La Petite Mort's" → "The album reprised its predecessor's"
 * "The album peaked at number two" → "It peaked at number two"
 * Mention Scotland chart position too since that is separate from the UK chart
 * "followed by the" → "being followed by the"
 * "a UK tour in May," → "a UK tour in May 2016,"
 * "over the next few months." → "over the succeeding few months."

Background

 * Retitle to Background and development
 * Remove target on James
 * "their 13th studio album, La Petite Mort, in" → "their 13th studio album La Petite Mort in"
 * "the album was a" → "La Petite Mort was a"
 * "was planned for" → "had been planned for"
 * "The band travelled to" → "James travelled to"
 * "Tolbooth in Stirling, and" → "Tolbooth in Stirling and"
 * "taped to the windows" → "that were taped to the windows"
 * "They then moved to" → "The band then moved to"
 * Wikilink drum machine
 * Wikilink tempos
 * Wikilink iPhone
 * "All were recorded" → "All of them were recorded"
 * "it would be edited down to a three- to eight-minute" → "the jam would be edited down to a three-to eight-minute" but are you sure there shouldn't be a dash between to and eight?
 * "in attempt to come up" → "attempting to come up"

Production

 * Retitle to Recording and production
 * "Offtape Studios in London with" → "Offtape Studios, which are both in London, with"
 * "throughout 2016: the first" → "throughout 2015; the first" because it was in 2015, not 2016
 * "For the July sessions," → "For the July block,"
 * "although some songs" → "although numerous songs"
 * "complete some lead-vocal" → "complete some lead vocals for"
 * "were the main engineers," → "served as the main engineers,"
 * "contacted Brian Eno (who had" → "contacted Brian Eno, who had"
 * "albums) about helping" → "albums, about helping"
 * "It was their first" → "This marked their first"
 * "the band's ninth studio album," → "the band's ninth studio album"
 * "September and early October" → "September and early October of 2015"
 * "Mothership (except for "Waking", which was done by Plattmeier) before" → "Mothership, with the exception of "Waking" being done by Plattmeier, before"

Composition and lyrics

 * "gave the album" → "gave it"
 * "which was centred" → "which is centred"
 * "addressed a variety of" → "address a variety of"
 * Wikilink imagery
 * Wikilink electronic drums
 * Wikilink synthesizer
 * "and former James guitarist" → "and former guitarist"
 * "on that song and" → "on the song as well as"
 * "as the band's keyboardist," → "as James' keyboardist,"
 * "which begins a two-minute" → "that begins a two-minute"
 * "similar to Hawkwind." → "similar to the music of Hawkwind."
 * Wikilink upbeat per MOS:LINK2SECT
 * "It was compared to the Killers," → "The song was compared to music by the Killers,"
 * "had previously produced." → "had previously produced for."
 * "with a chorus which repeats" → "with a chorus that repeats"
 * "the song was about" → "the song is about"
 * Wikilink euphoria
 * Target piano ballad to Sentimental ballad
 * "that the change was made" → "that the change being made was decided"
 * "Pinky & Perky speed"." → "Pinky & Perky speed."" with the wikilink
 * "wrote the lyrics" → "wrote the song's lyrics"
 * "moving back to" → "before moving back to"
 * "and art in the" → "and art on the"
 * "James' fourth studio album," → "James' fourth studio album"
 * "riff reminiscent of" → "riff reminiscent of the music of"
 * "playing distorted riffs" → "with distorted riffs being played"
 * "droughts in California (where Booth lived)." → "droughts in California, where Booth lived."
 * Target to Casio CZ synthesizers should be on Casio-synthesized
 * "lyrics addressed "what" → "lyrics address "what"

Release and touring

 * Retitle to Release and promotion
 * "to play these shows, and was replaced" → "to play the shows, being replaced"
 * Mention the month the song was made available for streaming; maybe write that same month since this sentence succeeds one about November 2015?
 * "premiered on" → "premiered via"
 * "for the album were" → "for Girl at the End of the World were"
 * "released as the" → "released as the album's"
 * "was released as a" → "was released as the"
 * "for streaming through" → "for streaming via"
 * Target The Telegraph to The Daily Telegraph
 * "18 March 2016 release on" → "18 March 2016 release through"
 * "with the label." → "with the record label." with the wikilink
 * "for "Girl at the End of the World" (also made by Merc) premiered" → "for "Girl at the End of the World", also made by Merc, premiered"
 * "it features Killers frontman" → "it features the Killers frontman"
 * "June and September 2016," → "June and September of 2016,"
 * "Péter Vácz, premiered on" → "Péter Vácz, premiered via"
 * Target Echo Arena to Liverpool Arena
 * Wikilink Liverpool
 * "in March and April 2017," → "during March and April of 2017,"
 * "as the third single" → "as the third single from Girl at the End of the World"
 * "in July and August 2017," → "in July and August of 2017,"
 * Wikilink Manchester

Reception

 * Remove target on Under the Radar in prose (same for any other targets mentioned)
 * "which pushed James' sound," → "that pushed James' sound,"
 * Remove target on Clash
 * "had "some bad" → "has "some bad"
 * "wrote that although the album attempted" → "said that despite the album attempting"
 * Target rock to Rock music
 * "was "a little" → "is "a little"
 * "was "certainly a strong one," it wasn't" → "is "certainly a strong one," though it isn't"
 * "found it "much" → "found the album "much"
 * "the album was" → "the album is"
 * Wikilink crescendos
 * Target hooks to Hook (music)
 * "that were "intelligent," → "that are "intelligent,"
 * "nearly knocked Adele's album, 25 (2015)," → "came close to knocking Adele's album 25 (2015)"
 * "in the midweek charts" → "on the midweek chart"
 * "debuted at number two." → "debuted at number two on the chart."
 * "reached the top spot." → "reached the top spot on the Scottish Singles Chart." with the target
 * "region of Belgium." → "region of the country."

Track listing

 * Good

Personnel

 * According to the album booklet: → Personnel per booklet.

Charts

 * Good

Final comments and verdict

 * until you fix the issues, though I have noticed that you've definitely got some great writing skills! --K. Peake 12:31, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
 * Done. Yeepsi (talk) 15:51, 5 December 2020 (UTC)
 * I have done some very brief copy editing, but will now ✅ this! --K. Peake 19:44, 5 December 2020 (UTC)