Talk:Glasswing International

Edit request
My client is Glasswing International and they have hired me to request these edits. We ask you to consider them in good faith. Please advise if you need anything more.


 * Please replace the opening sentence "Glasswing International is a non-profit international organization founded in San Salvador, El Salvador by Celina de Sola, Diego de Sola, and Ken Baker in 2007" with "Glasswing International is an international non-profit, non-governmental organization (NGO) founded in 2007 in San Salvador, El Salvador, by Celina de Sola, Diego de Sola, and Ken Baker" to help it read more clearly.
 * Replace the second sentence "Glasswing addresses the root causes of poverty and violence in communities through education and health programs" with "Glasswing operates health, education, migration, and community development programs for children throughout Latin America and New York City" because it sounds less promotional and is more specific. References are the same.
 * Edit the first sentence in the History section "In 2007, Celina de Sola, a Salvadoran humanitarian worker and public healthexpert, together with her brother Diego and husband Ken Baker, co-founded Glasswing International, a non-profit organization headquartered in San Salvador with offices in New York City and throughout Central America" with "In 2007, Celina de Sola, a Salvadoran humanitarian worker and public health specialist, co-founded Glasswing International with her brother Diego and husband Ken Baker" because the first is a run-on sentence. The suggested edit reads more clearly and removes the promotional "expert" language. References stay the same.
 * Replace these two sentences in History, "Its mission is to address the root causes of poverty and violence through public education, public health and community empowerment.[6][7] It implements community-based initiatives that bring institutions and people together through joint action", with "It was founded with the stated mission to curb the impact of poverty and violence in Latin America through public education, public health, and community development." The edit removes puffery and promotional language. The references stay the same.
 * Please delete the last sentence under Activities. This material is covered in the following paragraph that we request be added to the end of History: "Glasswing is headquartered in San Salvador and New York City with offices in Colombia, Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, and Panama. It has also worked in Aruba, Ecuador, Guyana, Jamaica, Trinidad and Tobago, and Venezuela. " Please use sources 3, 4, and 5 in addition to the two that were added inside the request.
 * Edit the Activities subheading to Overview. It more accurately reflects the section's content.
 * Delete the first sentence in Activities/Overview, “Since its founding, Glasswing has given children access to quality education and safe spaces in some of the most challenging circumstances” because it’s promotional in tone.
 * Delete the Partners section as this content is rewritten into the next edit.
 * The rest of the paragraph in Activities/Overview has issues with promotional tone. To fix this, please replace the entire paragraph with these two paragraphs. References are included in parentheses: "Glasswing works in low-income communities with high rates of violence, school dropouts, and single parent homes or homes with children raised by a relative other than their biological parents.[8] The organization has directed over U.S. $75 million to education and health programs."
 * "Glasswing partners with international and local governments, non-profit organizations, civil societies, international organizations, and multinational corporations. It also works with alliances including The Howard G. Buffett Foundation, Open Society Foundation, NoVo Foundation, Morgan Stanley, FEMSA, Inter-American Development Bank, USAID[10][11], Citi Bank[12], Johnson & Johnson, Walmart Centroamérica[13], and Hanesbrands Inc.[14][15]"
 * Please add this paragraph with citation as the last paragraph under Overview. It references a scholarly study performed on Glasswing’s efforts. "In 2016, the Pontifical Catholic University of Chile conducted a randomized control trial (RCT) involving 1,056 students enrolled in Glasswing International’s Community Schools. The study found that students enrolled in these programs showed improved academic performance, positive behavior changes, increased emotional resilience, and felt they had a better school environment. " The reference has been included.
 * Please include this quote from the study's author. The reference from the previous edit can be used."Extracurricular programs in schools impact the most vulnerable children and youth. Those with higher propensity for violent behavior or poor grades demonstrate the greatest improvement."
 * After these edits have been made at your discretion we request that you remove the close connection and advertisement tags at the top of the page. If you feel this can't be done please let us know what it will take to have them removed.

Vironsch (talk) 03:19, 10 September 2019 (UTC)

Reply 10-SEP-2019

 * Your edit request could not be reviewed because it is unclear which references are connected to which claim statements in the text of your proposal. When proposing edit requests, it's important to highlight in the text, through the use of ref tags, which specific sources are doing the referencing for each claim. The point of these inline ref tags is to allow the reviewer and readers to check that the material is sourced; that point will be lost if the ref tags are not clearly placed. Note the examples below:

 The Sun's diameter is 864,337 miles, while the Moon's diameter is 2,159 miles. The Sun's temperature is 5,778 Kelvin.[6][7]

References

Sjöblad, Tristan. The Sun. Academic Press, 2019, p. 1. Harinath, Paramjit. (2019) "Size of the Moon", Science, 51(78):46. Uemura, Shū. The Sun's Heat. Academic Press, 2019, p. 2.

In the first example above there are three references provided, but the claim statements do not contain ref tags indicating which reference applies where. Instead of ref tags, bracketed numbers have been placed in the text. These bracketed numbers are not linked to any of the references provided. These bracketed numbers cannot be linked to the references because those numbers (6 and 7) are higher than the quantity of references provided (3 of them). Your edit request similarly contains bracketed numbers which are not linked to any references on the talk page. The link between material and their source references must be more clearly made, as is shown in the next example below:

 The Sun's diameter is 864,337 miles,[1] while the Moon's diameter is 2,159 miles.[2] The Sun's temperature is 5,778 Kelvin.[3]

References

^ Sjöblad, Tristan. The Sun. Academic Press, 2019, p. 1. ^ Harinath, Paramjit. (2019) "Size of the Moon", Science, 51(78):46. ^ Uemura, Shū. The Sun's Heat. Academic Press, 2019, p. 2. 

In the second example above, the links between the provided references and their claim statement ref tags are perfectly clear.


 * Kindly reformulate your edit request so that it aligns more with the second example above, and feel free to re-submit that edit request at your earliest convenience. Regards, Spintendo  08:00, 10 September 2019 (UTC)

Request edit
Thank you for your feedback. I've reformulated the request.


 * Please replace the opening sentence "Glasswing International is a non-profit international organization founded in San Salvador, El Salvador by Celina de Sola, Diego de Sola, and Ken Baker in 2007" with "Glasswing International is an international non-profit, non-governmental organization (NGO) founded in 2007 in San Salvador, El Salvador, by Celina de Sola, Diego de Sola, and Ken Baker" to help it read more clearly.
 * Replace the second sentence "Glasswing addresses the root causes of poverty and violence in communities through education and health programs" with "Glasswing operates health, education, migration, and community development programs for children throughout Latin America and New York City" because it sounds less promotional and is more specific. References are the same.
 * Edit the first sentence in the History section "In 2007, Celina de Sola, a Salvadoran humanitarian worker and public healthexpert, together with her brother Diego and husband Ken Baker, co-founded Glasswing International, a non-profit organization headquartered in San Salvador with offices in New York City and throughout Central America" with "In 2007, Celina de Sola, a Salvadoran humanitarian worker and public health specialist, co-founded Glasswing International with her brother Diego and husband Ken Baker" because the first is a run-on sentence. The suggested edit reads more clearly and removes the promotional "expert" language. References stay the same.
 * Replace these two sentences in History, "Its mission is to address the root causes of poverty and violence through public education, public health and community empowerment. It implements community-based initiatives that bring institutions and people together through joint action", with "It was founded with the stated mission to curb the impact of poverty and violence in Latin America through public education, public health, and community development." The edit removes puffery and promotional language. The references stay the same.
 * Please delete the last sentence under Activities. This material is covered in the following paragraph that we request be added to the end of History: "Glasswing is headquartered in San Salvador and New York City with offices in Colombia, Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, and Panama. It has also worked in Aruba, Ecuador, Guyana, Jamaica, Trinidad and Tobago, and Venezuela.   "
 * Edit the Activities subheading to Overview. It more accurately reflects the section's content.
 * Delete the first sentence in Activities/Overview, “Since its founding, Glasswing has given children access to quality education and safe spaces in some of the most challenging circumstances” because it’s promotional in tone.
 * Delete the Partners section as this content is rewritten into the next edit.
 * The rest of the paragraph in Activities/Overview has issues with promotional tone. To fix this, please replace the entire paragraph with these two paragraphs. References are included in parentheses: "Glasswing works in low-income communities with high rates of violence, school dropouts, and single parent homes or homes with children raised by a relative other than their biological parents. The organization has directed over U.S. $75 million to education and health programs."
 * "Glasswing partners with international and local governments, non-profit organizations, civil societies, international organizations, and multinational corporations. It also works with alliances including The Howard G. Buffett Foundation, Open Society Foundation, NoVo Foundation, Morgan Stanley, FEMSA, Inter-American Development Bank, USAID, Citi Bank , Johnson & Johnson, Walmart Centroamérica , and Hanesbrands Inc.  "
 * Please add this paragraph with citation as the last paragraph under Overview. It references a scholarly study performed on Glasswing’s efforts. "In 2016, the Pontifical Catholic University of Chile conducted a randomized control trial (RCT) involving 1,056 students enrolled in Glasswing International’s Community Schools. The study found that students enrolled in these programs showed improved academic performance, positive behavior changes, increased emotional resilience, and felt they had a better school environment. " The reference has been included.
 * Please include this quote from the study's author. The reference from the previous edit can be used."Extracurricular programs in schools impact the most vulnerable children and youth. Those with higher propensity for violent behavior or poor grades demonstrate the greatest improvement."


 * After these edits have been made at your discretion we request that you remove the close connection and advertisement tags at the top of the page. If you feel this can't be done please let us know what it will take to have them removed.

Vironsch (talk) 16:33, 10 September 2019 (UTC)

Reply 25-NOV-2019
Regards, Spintendo  23:24, 25 November 2019 (UTC)
 * Thank you for providing clarification. It is most appreciated.
 * Unfortunately however, the request still cannot be reviewed because the appropriate sources for the changes to be made have not been included with the request. In place of these references, the COI editor has stated "Sources remain the same." Please note that this qualification is not sufficient; the entire reference needs to be provided here on the talk page.
 * Kindly resubmit the edit request in a new post below, taking care to include the necessary references.

Request edit
Thank you for clarifying. I am including the updated request.


 * Please replace the opening sentence "Glasswing International is a non-profit international organization founded in San Salvador, El Salvador by Celina de Sola, Diego de Sola, and Ken Baker in 2007" with "Glasswing International is an international non-profit, non-governmental organization (NGO) founded in 2007 in San Salvador, El Salvador, by Celina de Sola, Diego de Sola, and Ken Baker" to help it read more clearly.
 * Replace the second sentence "Glasswing addresses the root causes of poverty and violence in communities through education and health programs" with "Glasswing operates health, education, migration, and community development programs for children throughout Latin America and New York City" because it sounds less promotional and is more specific.
 * Edit the first sentence in the History section "In 2007, Celina de Sola, a Salvadoran humanitarian worker and public healthexpert, together with her brother Diego and husband Ken Baker, co-founded Glasswing International, a non-profit organization headquartered in San Salvador with offices in New York City and throughout Central America" with "In 2007, Celina de Sola, a Salvadoran humanitarian worker and public health specialist, co-founded Glasswing International with her brother Diego and husband Ken Baker"  because the first is a run-on sentence. The suggested edit reads more clearly and removes the promotional "expert" language.
 * Replace these two sentences in History, "Its mission is to address the root causes of poverty and violence through public education, public health and community empowerment. It implements community-based initiatives that bring institutions and people together through joint action", with "It was founded with the stated mission to curb the impact of poverty and violence in Latin America through public education, public health, and community development."  The edit removes puffery and promotional language.
 * Please delete the last sentence under Activities. This material is covered in the following paragraph that we request be added to the end of History: "Glasswing is headquartered in San Salvador and New York City with offices in Colombia, Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, and Panama. It has also worked in Aruba, Ecuador, Guyana, Jamaica, Trinidad and Tobago, and Venezuela.   "
 * Edit the Activities subheading to Overview. It more accurately reflects the section's content.
 * Delete the first sentence in Activities/Overview, “Since its founding, Glasswing has given children access to quality education and safe spaces in some of the most challenging circumstances” because it’s promotional in tone.
 * Delete the Partners section since the content is rewritten into the next edit.
 * The rest of the paragraph in Activities/Overview has issues with promotional tone. To fix this, please replace the entire paragraph with these two paragraphs. References are included in parentheses: "Glasswing works in low-income communities with high rates of violence, school dropouts, and single parent homes or homes with children raised by a relative other than their biological parents. The organization has directed over U.S. $75 million to education and health programs."
 * "Glasswing partners with international and local governments, non-profit organizations, civil societies, international organizations, and multinational corporations. It also works with alliances including The Howard G. Buffett Foundation, Open Society Foundation, NoVo Foundation, Morgan Stanley, FEMSA, Inter-American Development Bank, USAID, Citi Bank , Johnson & Johnson, Walmart Centroamérica , and Hanesbrands Inc.  "
 * Please add this paragraph with citation as the last paragraph under Overview. It references a scholarly study performed on Glasswing’s efforts. "In 2016, the Pontifical Catholic University of Chile conducted a randomized control trial (RCT) involving 1,056 students enrolled in Glasswing International’s Community Schools. The study found that students enrolled in these programs showed improved academic performance, positive behavior changes, increased emotional resilience, and felt they had a better school environment. " The reference has been included.
 * Please include this quote from the study's author. The reference from the previous edit can be used."Extracurricular programs in schools impact the most vulnerable children and youth. Those with higher propensity for violent behavior or poor grades demonstrate the greatest improvement."

— Preceding unsigned comment added by Vironsch (talk • contribs) 22:23, 9 December 2019 (UTC)

Reply 10-DEC-2019
Regards, Spintendo  19:28, 10 December 2019 (UTC)
 * At least four of the proposed references were unaccessible, as they contained non-functional links entered into their URL parameters.
 * Kindly correct the URL parameters and resubmit the edit request (below this post) at your earliest convenience.
 * The COI editor is kindly reminded of the need to sign all talk page posts using 4 tildes.

Thanks for your help. I've updated the links.
 * Please replace the opening sentence "Glasswing International is a non-profit international organization founded in San Salvador, El Salvador by Celina de Sola, Diego de Sola, and Ken Baker in 2007" with "Glasswing International is an international non-profit, non-governmental organization (NGO) founded in 2007 in San Salvador, El Salvador, by Celina de Sola, Diego de Sola, and Ken Baker" to help it read more clearly.
 * ✅, minor and uncontroversial. --Nemoschool (talk) 05:37, 24 December 2019 (UTC)


 * Replace the second sentence "Glasswing addresses the root causes of poverty and violence in communities through education and health programs" with "Glasswing operates health, education, migration, and community development programs for children throughout Latin America and New York City" because it sounds less promotional and is more specific.
 * ✅ and retained the original source in addition to sources provided here. --Nemoschool (talk) 05:53, 24 December 2019 (UTC)


 * Edit the first sentence in the History section "In 2007, Celina de Sola, a Salvadoran humanitarian worker and public healthexpert, together with her brother Diego and husband Ken Baker, co-founded Glasswing International, a non-profit organization headquartered in San Salvador with offices in New York City and throughout Central America" with "In 2007, Celina de Sola, a Salvadoran humanitarian worker and public health specialist, co-founded Glasswing International with her brother Diego and husband Ken Baker"  because the first is a run-on sentence. The suggested edit reads more clearly and removes the promotional "expert" language.
 * ✅, minor and uncontroversial, no changes to sources. --Nemoschool (talk) 05:59, 24 December 2019 (UTC)


 * Replace these two sentences in History, "Its mission is to address the root causes of poverty and violence through public education, public health and community empowerment. It implements community-based initiatives that bring institutions and people together through joint action", with "It was founded with the stated mission to curb the impact of poverty and violence in Latin America through public education, public health, and community development."  The edit removes puffery and promotional language.
 * ✅, but used "Its mission is ..." instead of requested "It was founded with the stated mission ..." since there is no explicit mention of "founding stated mission" in the sources. This is minor and uncontroversial, with no changes to sources. --Nemoschool (talk) 06:22, 24 December 2019 (UTC)


 * Please delete the last sentence under Activities. This material is covered in the following paragraph that we request be added to the end of History: "Glasswing is headquartered in San Salvador and New York City with offices in Colombia, Costa Rica, Dominican Republic, Guatemala, Honduras, Nicaragua, and Panama. It has also worked in Aruba, Ecuador, Guyana, Jamaica, Trinidad and Tobago, and Venezuela.   "
 * : section move done, 3/5 sources added. However, samsung.com (WP:PRIMARY promo content for Samsung) and Carmen Busquets (WP:SPS) are obviously closely tied to Glasswing itself, therefore unacceptable as sources from a WP:COI standpoint; also excluded are "it has also worked in ... (country names)" to avoid promotional WP:NAMEDROP. --Nemoschool (talk) 07:09, 24 December 2019 (UTC)


 * Edit the Activities subheading to Overview. It more accurately reflects the section's content.
 * ✅. --Nemoschool (talk) 06:48, 24 December 2019 (UTC)


 * Delete the first sentence in Activities/Overview, “Since its founding, Glasswing has given children access to quality education and safe spaces in some of the most challenging circumstances” because it’s promotional in tone.
 * ✅. --Nemoschool (talk) 06:37, 24 December 2019 (UTC)


 * Delete the Partners section as this content is rewritten into the next edit.
 * ✅. --Nemoschool (talk) 07:19, 24 December 2019 (UTC)


 * The rest of the paragraph in Activities/Overview has issues with promotional tone. To fix this, please replace the entire paragraph with these two paragraphs. References are included in parentheses: "Glasswing works in low-income communities with high rates of violence, school dropouts, and single parent homes or homes with children raised by a relative other than their biological parents. The organization has directed over U.S. $75 million to education and health programs."
 * ❌, "$75m to programs" is unsourced, the rest of the text/source here is identical to the original. --Nemoschool (talk) 07:22, 24 December 2019 (UTC)


 * "Glasswing partners with international and local governments, non-profit organizations, civil societies, international organizations, and multinational corporations. It also works with alliances including The Howard G. Buffett Foundation, Open Society Foundation, NoVo Foundation, Morgan Stanley, FEMSA, Inter-American Development Bank, USAID, Citi Bank , Johnson & Johnson, Walmart Centroamérica , and Hanesbrands Inc.  "
 * ❌ as requested, so much of the partner names are deleted. Reasons: general phrases of different kinds of organizations at the beginning (promo namedrop), unsourced partners (I'm sorry I do need them explicitly and individually named in the sources to get over WP:COI), Citigroup partner (self-sourcing same as samsung.com above). Except that the DoL source here is good; the previous one was a dead link. --Nemoschool (talk) 07:52, 24 December 2019 (UTC)


 * Please add this paragraph with citation as the last paragraph under Overview. It references a scholarly study performed on Glasswing’s efforts. "In 2016, the Pontifical Catholic University of Chile conducted a randomized control trial (RCT) involving 1,056 students enrolled in Glasswing International’s Community Schools. The study found that students enrolled in these programs showed improved academic performance, positive behavior changes, increased emotional resilience, and felt they had a better school environment. " The reference has been included.
 * as a one-sentence summary. From the WP:COI standpoint, undue WP:WEIGHT given to the study's details (subject numbers, researcher's name/titles, etc.) misleads readers. --Nemoschool (talk) 08:29, 24 December 2019 (UTC)


 * Please include this quote from the study's author. The reference from the previous edit can be used."Extracurricular programs in schools impact the most vulnerable children and youth. Those with higher propensity for violent behavior or poor grades demonstrate the greatest improvement."


 * ❌, similar as above, feels like namedropping. It's unnecessary to highlight this quote since it's misleadingly generic: about "extracurricular programs" in general, not specifically referencing any work done by Glasswing. --Nemoschool (talk) 08:29, 24 December 2019 (UTC)

Vironsch (talk) 22:51, 20 December 2019 (UTC)


 * In reviewing this edit request, I am merely filtering out the WP:COI (making sure that it passes WP:V and WP:NPOV). It is not my job to pass judgement on whether the edits—if performed by someone conflict-free—would be "good" by WP:MOS standards or else; therefore I am not making any editorial decisions of my own when editing this article per request. --Nemoschool (talk) 05:37, 24 December 2019 (UTC)


 * All reviews now carefully completed, some edits are made, and some rejected. For any disagreements, I recommend directly  instead of reopening this request. After hours of this, I have read all the sources and become pretty well acquainted with the subject. Plus I work in the nonprofit space myself, so I totally understand your pain and passion! Thanks for your contributions and your willingness to stay above board on WP:COI! --Nemoschool (talk) 08:29, 24 December 2019 (UTC)