Talk:Golden Dragon massacre/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Vami IV (talk · contribs) 13:26, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

Opening statement
In reviews I conduct, I may make small copyedits. These will only be limited to spelling and punctuation (removal of double spaces and such). I will only make substantive edits that change the flow and structure of the prose if I previously suggested and it is necessary. For replying to Reviewer comment, please use ✅,, , ❌, , or , followed by any comment you'd like to make. I will be crossing out my comments as they are redressed, and only mine. A detailed, section-by-section review will follow. — ♠Vami _IV†♠  13:26, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Pinging as the author of the overwhelming majority of this article (80.4%). – ♠Vami  _IV†♠  13:26, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

As this the first of the reviewee's articles that I have reviewed, they should note that I am a grammar pendant and will nitpick in the interest of prose quality. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  13:26, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

Lead

 * none of whom was a gang member Consider "none of whom were gang members".
 * ✅ Thanks, the suggested phrasing is much improved. Mliu92 (talk) 14:09, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

Shooting
I recommend, from my (meager) experience reviewing and writing crime articles, renaming "Motive" as "Background" or "Context", and making independent sections out of "Motive" and "Preparations", and leaving "Shots fired" without its subsection header. As it is, the shooting kind of comes out of nowhere. And "Shots fired" is a disrespectful title, subject matter considered. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  13:26, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
 * The heading "Motive" was renamed to "Motivation". "Preparations" is now "Planning". "Shots fired" is now "At the Golden Dragon". Mliu92 (talk) 14:09, 5 April 2020 (UTC)


 * The assassination attempt at the Golden Dragon Who was the target if this was a hit? The lead did not make this sound like a carefully planned hit.
 * The leadership of the Wah Ching were the targets; in particular, Michael "Hot Dog" Louie. The Joe Boys were tipped that Louie was dining at the restaurant that night. Mliu92 (talk) 14:09, 5 April 2020 (UTC)


 * The car was parked near his apartment, close to Green and Kearny. Too much detail, erase this.
 * References were retained as they support the preceding sentence. Mliu92 (talk) 14:09, 5 April 2020 (UTC)
 * I noticed in re-reading that section to check things out that you went above and beyond with fixing up that section and I just want to take a quick moment to commend you for that. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  15:01, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

Planning

 * Yu asked Jon to keep track of Wah Ching and Hop Sing gang members This is the first mention of the Hop Sing, but the link (and full name) are two paragraphs down the page.


 * and showed special interest in where they might be for a late night snack. Inappropriate phrasing.
 * "showing special interest in where they gathered late at night." Mliu92 (talk) 14:09, 5 April 2020 (UTC)


 * That Friday night (September 2, 1977) The year here is unnecessary since the reader already knows the year is 1977.
 * Mliu92 (talk) 14:09, 5 April 2020 (UTC)


 * a leader in the Joe Boy gang Joe Boys
 * In Planning: now "Tom Yu, a leader of the Joe Boys" Mliu92 (talk) 20:01, 5 April 2020 (UTC)


 * ordered the weapons to be put away back into the closet Axe "away".
 * Mliu92 (talk) 20:01, 5 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Repeated citation here: into the closet.[14] By this time, the group plotting the shooting consisted of Tom Yu, his brothers (Chester and Dana), Melvin Yu (no relation), Peter Ng, Peter Cheung, Curtis Tam, Kam Lee, and Don Wong.[14]
 * Reference after "closet" was removed. Mliu92 (talk) 16:42, 6 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Golden Dragon restaurant in San Francisco's Chinatown Link SanFran's Chinatown here.
 * ✅ Mliu92 (talk) 20:01, 5 April 2020 (UTC)


 * The Golden Dragon was chosen as the site not only because it was a favored hangout of the Wah Ching, it was also favored by Hop Sing Tong members and was co-owned by Jack Lee, a Hop Sing elder. Condense.
 * This was a goofy-sounding sentence. Now "The conspirators decided to target the Golden Dragon because it was a favorite hangout of both the Wah Ching and Hop Sing Tong. The planned raid would also financially damage Jack Lee, a Hop Sing elder and restaurant co-owner." I also moved it up to the first paragraph in Planning as it seems to make more sense there. Mliu92 (talk) 20:01, 5 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Chester Yu, Curtis Tam, Melvin Yu, and Peter Ng, all members of the Joe Boys (Chung Ching Yee) gang, took firearms and ammunition from a closet in a friend's home in Pacifica, Latter two thirds of the highlighted text redundant, except for the grabbing the murder weapons and ammo.
 * This sentence was tightened up to "Chester Yu drove the group of four (himself, Curtis Tam, Melvin Yu, and Peter Ng) to the Golden Dragon using the stolen Dodge." Mliu92 (talk) 16:42, 6 April 2020 (UTC)


 * and Chester Yu drove the group to the restaurant in the Dodge that had been stolen earlier that evening by Peter Cheung and Dana Yu. Ditto.
 * This redundant sentence was tightened up to "Chester Yu drove the group of four (Chester Yu, Curtis Tam, Melvin Yu, and Peter Ng) to the Golden Dragon using the stolen Dodge." Mliu92 (talk) 20:01, 5 April 2020 (UTC)

At the Golden Dragon

 * According to unofficial sources, the gunman wielding the rifle (later identified as Melvin Yu)[23] was the first to open fire, walking directly up to a man at a table and shooting him, then continuing to shoot after that victim had fallen to the floor. Too long, and not a little bit redundant after the first paragraph.


 * The quote box from Chief Gain is out of place. I did some Ctrl+Fs for his name and the patrolmen's and found no other mention of them or their role in the shooting. I recommend its removal.
 * ❌ Chief Gain is mentioned in the Aftermath, during the Investigation. The particular quote pertains to the two off-duty officers (Bonanno and Hargens/Harkins - sources vary on the second officer's surname) that were present during the shooting, which is in the adjacent paragraph. I edited the quote to include the names of the officers, which ties it into this section more concretely. Mliu92 (talk) 16:42, 6 April 2020 (UTC)
 * If the media didn't dwell on officers Bonanno and Hargens, we don't need to, either. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  17:18, 6 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Quotebox is gone. Mliu92 (talk) 17:04, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

Aftermath

 * criticized SFPD [...] distrust of SFPD [...] SFPD received [...] SFPD announced the SFPD
 * Mliu92 (talk) 16:42, 6 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Most of paragraph 2 of "Investigation" has absolutely nothing to do with the investigation.
 * More context added. Gain's criticism of gambling in Chinatown was (as he claimed) an attempt to anger the community so they would provide more information than usual. Last sentence (SFPD Lt Murphy) moved up to first paragraph. Mliu92 (talk) 16:42, 6 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Move it up to just after the first sentence. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  17:53, 6 April 2020 (UTC)
 * ✅ Mliu92 (talk) 17:04, 7 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Five men, all members of the Joe Boys, were eventually arrested and convicted for the massacre: Curtis Tam, Melvin Yu, Peter Ng, Chester Yu, and Tom Yu Condense.
 * "Five Joe Boys were eventually arrested and convicted for the massacre: [names];" Mliu92 (talk) 16:42, 6 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Just write "[names] were arrested and convicted for the massacre." We already know who's who. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  17:53, 6 April 2020 (UTC)
 * ✅ Mliu92 (talk) 17:04, 7 April 2020 (UTC)


 * Robert Woo, a police informant, recorded Tam recounting details of the attack, which led to his arrest. Redundant.
 * Changed to "and a police informant recorded Tam recounting details of the attack." (joined to preceding sentence) Mliu92 (talk) 16:42, 6 April 2020 (UTC)


 * During the interrogation after his arrest, Tam confessed and implicated 11 other participants. Condense.
 * "During his initial interrogation, Tam confessed and implicated 11 others." Mliu92 (talk) 17:04, 7 April 2020 (UTC)


 * How many years did Peter Ng get?
 * Unknown. Contemporary news coverage around the conviction of Ng (Feb 22-23, 1979) state the sentencing hearing was set for March 22. There are no apparent news articles that covered the sentencing hearing, and I cannot find an appeal case for "People vs. Ng". Mliu92 (talk) 17:04, 7 April 2020 (UTC)
 * Unfortunate. I'll cross off the bullet-point in lieu of this. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  11:00, 8 April 2020 (UTC)


 * An ex-Joe Boys member, Bill Lee, wrote about the killings and his life as a Joe Boys gangster in his book, Chinese Playground: A Memoir. Irrelevant and uncited; remove.
 * Added reference. Mliu92 (talk) 17:04, 7 April 2020 (UTC)

GA progress
Note: Copyvio detector gave a 49% likelihood. I inspected, and found the matching content to be court sentencing and a lengthy quotation. – ♠Vami _IV†♠  18:40, 6 April 2020 (UTC)