Talk:Government in medieval Scotland/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Khazar2 (talk · contribs) 01:44, 16 June 2013 (UTC)

Hi SabreBD, I'll be glad to take this review; it's always a pleasure to read your work. I hope to post initial comments in the next 1-5 days. Thanks as always for your work on Scotland topics -- Khazar2 (talk) 01:44, 16 June 2013 (UTC)


 * Thanks for taking this on. I look forward to it.--  SabreBD  (talk) 07:07, 16 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Sorry I've been a bit slow coming back to this, but I haven't forgotten you. Should have my initial comments finished by Wednes. at the latest. Cheers, -- Khazar2 (talk) 01:49, 18 June 2013 (UTC)

Initial comments
Ok, I'm about halfway. So far this looks strong, but I'm mostly doing a read for prose at this point rather than source review. As usual, I'm doing some tweaks and fixes as I go; please revert any with which you disagree. -- Khazar2 (talk) 16:15, 16 June 2013 (UTC)
 * "While our knowledge of early systems of law" -- I'm always a little wary of the vague "we" without a clear referent; I'm assuming you're not including me in that we, for example. =) Would it be fair to write "While modern knowledge" or "While historians' knowledge"?
 * ✅--  SabreBD  (talk) 08:41, 21 June 2013 (UTC)


 * "by laymen " -- just a double-check on gendered language here--it's safe to assume that all members were men?
 * Yes, it is accurate here - there were never any female members.--  SabreBD  (talk) 08:41, 21 June 2013 (UTC)


 * "In victory they may have received rewards in return" -- I assume you mean "underling kings" by "they" here--what would be the proper term? Vassals? Subjects?
 * ✅ Since this is pre-feudal cannot really say vassals or subjects. I opted for subordinate rulers - some may have called themselves kings and some not.--  SabreBD  (talk) 08:41, 21 June 2013 (UTC)


 * "The first ceremony for which we have details" -- "we" ---> "historians"
 * ✅ Focused on the sources rather than the reader.--  SabreBD  (talk) 08:41, 21 June 2013 (UTC)


 * ", which describe a ceremony that combined" -- "which" doesn't really work here, since the previous noun is "a ceremony for which we have details". Could this be "an account describes" or "accounts describe"?
 * ✅ I split the sentence up to avoid the "which" - it is worth checking that the meaning is now clear.--  SabreBD  (talk) 08:41, 21 June 2013 (UTC)


 * The Roman Law principle that "a king is emperor in his own kingdom" can be seen in Scotland from the mid-fifteenth century. In 1469 Parliament passed an act that declared that James III possessed "full jurisdiction and empire within his realm". -- as quotations, should get individual inline citations.
 * ✅--  SabreBD  (talk) 08:41, 21 June 2013 (UTC)


 * "The first Scottish monarch to actually wear such a crown was James V, whose diadem was reworked to include arches in 1532, which were re-added when it was reconstructed in 1540, which remains the Crown of Scotland." -- lots of clauses here; consider breaking into two sentences.
 * ✅--  SabreBD  (talk) 08:41, 21 June 2013 (UTC)


 * "New Monarchy" is inconsistently capitalized -- the earlier sentence reads "new or Renaissance monarchy" -- Khazar2 (talk) 16:15, 16 June 2013 (UTC)
 * ✅--  SabreBD  (talk) 08:41, 21 June 2013 (UTC)


 * "Most of the active members of the council for most of the period" -- is "the period" here the medieval period, or the late fifteenth century?
 * ✅ Just the late bit.--  SabreBD  (talk) 08:41, 21 June 2013 (UTC)


 * "Our knowledge of the nature of Scots law" -- "Present-day knowledge"?
 * ✅--  SabreBD  (talk) 08:41, 21 June 2013 (UTC)


 * " In Scandinavian-held Udal law formed the basis of the legal system, and it is known that the Hebrides were taxed using the Ounceland measure" -- is there a word missing after "Scandinavian-held"? I'm having trouble parsing this, but may just be a brain malfunction on my end.
 * ✅ Your brain is fine. It was a missing word. Not sure what that says about my brain.--  SabreBD  (talk) 08:41, 21 June 2013 (UTC)


 * "we have surviving examples of early Scottish legal literature" -- "there survive examples of..." (or "there are surviving examples of...")? -- Khazar2 (talk) 16:03, 18 June 2013 (UTC)
 * ✅--  SabreBD  (talk) 08:41, 21 June 2013 (UTC)

I think that covers any concerns for my initial pass. Let me know when you've had a chance to address these, and I'll take another look and do a more detailed source review to check for comprehensiveness, accuracy, copyvio etc. Thanks again for your work--I think it's coming along great. -- Khazar2 (talk) 01:28, 19 June 2013 (UTC)
 * I think all the initial issues have been resolved. I look forward to the next bit. Thanks for the work so far.--  SabreBD  (talk) 08:41, 21 June 2013 (UTC)
 * Okay, all the above looks good. Starting the final checklist, will see if I turn up anything else. -- Khazar2 (talk) 12:10, 21 June 2013 (UTC)
 * I fixed the PD licenses, which I think is the only outstanding issue.--  SabreBD  (talk) 15:39, 21 June 2013 (UTC)