Talk:Gowanus Canal/GA2

GA Review
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Reviewer: Ceranthor (talk · contribs) 20:32, 16 June 2018 (UTC)

I'll be reviewing this in the next few days.  ceran  thor 20:32, 16 June 2018 (UTC)


 * Thank you for taking up the review. Have you been able to look through the article yet? epicgenius (talk) 21:33, 28 June 2018 (UTC)
 * Yes, sorry for the delay. I will post my comments shortly.  ceran  thor 16:26, 30 June 2018 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * "It continues to be used for incidental movement of goods and daily navigation of small boats, tugs and barges." - what does incidental mean here?
 * I changed to "occasional". epicgenius (talk) 21:55, 1 July 2018 (UTC)
 * "Despite the heavy pollution, its proximity to Manhattan and upper-class Brooklyn neighborhoods is attracting concerted waterfront redevelopment along the Canal" - I'd rewrite as "the Canal's proximity"[...] is attracting concerted waterfront redevelopment"
 * Done.


 * Course
 * "The Gowanus Canal begins at Butler Street." - which is where?
 * Clarified.
 * "The pump station at 201-234 Butler Street," - what's a pump station?
 * A sewage pumping station.
 * "There is a very short tributary to the east" - cut the word "very"
 * Done.


 * History
 * "built and operated the first tide-water gristmill patented in New York at Gowanus on land patented on July 8, 1645" - very wordy, and need to cut the use of the word "patented" twice in such close proximity
 * Fixed. The second "patented" should be "deeded". epicgenius (talk) 21:55, 1 July 2018 (UTC)
 * "negative artificial selection slowly reduced the size of the bivalves.[21]" - might help to explain how negative selection acted, just by briefly but clearly clarifying for the lay reader unfamiliar with evolutionary theory
 * Done.
 * "The valley's watershed is approximately six miles square" - needs a convert
 * Done.
 * "Industries, which needed water for processing, transport, and disposal of wastes, tended to locate along the shoreline.[22]" - tended to locate? should be "were usually located" or something along those lines
 * I replaced it with "clustered".
 * "the industrial sector around the canal grew substantially over time to include stone and coal yards; flour mills; cement works, and manufactured gas plants; tanneries, factories for paint, ink, and soap; machine shops; chemical plants; and sulfur producers, all of which emitted substantial water and airborne pollutants.[29][16] " - switch refs 16 and 29
 * "The area the sewer ran through was known as "The Flooded District".[38][32] " - same note as above; switch the order of the refs
 * "Compounding the problem, area property owners sued the city for damages related to the flooding issues that plagued the canal.[38][32]" -same note
 * "During the 1900s, up to 700 structures were built in South Brooklyn every year.[15] " - just the first decade, or throughout the entire century?
 * First decade. I thought that was obvious from context, but apparently not. epicgenius (talk) 21:55, 1 July 2018 (UTC)
 * "which provoked the installation of a flushing tunnel that was 12 feet (3.7 m) across.[44][29]:4 (PDF p. 7) The Butler Street Pumping Station, a Beaux-Arts structure at the canal's inland end, opened on June 21, 1911.[45][1]:167 The new flushing tunnel connected to the Pumping Station.[44][1]:168" - bunch of instances where the sources need to be switched in order
 * I have done all of the switching. epicgenius (talk) 21:55, 1 July 2018 (UTC)


 * Environmental cleanup
 * "The next year a sewage pipe was installed within the Flushing Tunnel, but according to a New York City Department of Environmental Protection (NYCDEP) engineer, it failed "almost immediately" due to bad installation" - perhaps a direct citation after a direct quote?
 * Done. The citation was given at the end of the next sentence, but I duplicated the citation after the quote anyway. epicgenius (talk) 21:55, 1 July 2018 (UTC)
 * "The plan is to cost $506 million and should be completed by 2022. The plan divides the canal into three segments. The upper segment runs from the top of the canal to 3rd Street. The middle segment runs from 3rd Street to just south of the Hamilton Avenue Bridge. The lower segment runs from the Hamilton Avenue Bridge to the mouth of the canal. The plan entails removing contaminated sediment from the bottom of canal by dredging, capping the dredged areas and implementing controls on combined sewer overflows to prevent future contamination. It also involves excavating and restoring approximately 475 feet (145 m) of the former 1st Street Basin and 25 feet (7.6 m) of the former 5th Street Basin.[69]" - this needs more varied sentence structure
 * I combined the four sentences about the separate sentences into one, and also fixed the tense. epicgenius (talk) 21:55, 1 July 2018 (UTC)
 * "The first step in the plans is dredging, scheduled to begin in 2016. The second is to lay down one of two different proposed "caps". One cap over the still-polluted canal bed would be made of concrete. The second would have a layer of clay to absorb pollutants, then a layer of sand to act as a buffer, and finally a layer of rocks to anchor that floor.[71] " - more varied sentence structure
 * I combined the two final sentences. The last sentence is repeated further on, so I eliminated some extra words. epicgenius (talk) 21:55, 1 July 2018 (UTC)
 * "Work on the cleanup process began in October 2017.[75][76]" - combine with the previous paragraph
 * Done.
 * "The EPA will remove approximately 307,000 cubic yards of highly contaminated sediment from the upper and middle segments and 281,000 cubic yards of contaminated sediment from the lower segment." - conversions?
 * Done.
 * "among over 30 companies" - more than, not over
 * Done.


 * Redevelopment
 * looks good.

The canal has been the home to various arts organizations. Issue Project Room once organized art events in a converted silo along the bank of the canal.[105] The Yard, an outdoor concert space, opened in the summer of 2007 near the Carroll Street bridge.[106]" - these can be combined into one paragraph
 * Current usage
 * "over 1,000 people " - more than, not over
 * "logging over 2,000 trips on the canal." - same as above
 * Did both of the above.
 * "The NY Harbor report for that same year showed the Gowanus to have the highest level of pathogens in the entire harbor.[102]" - this comes abruptly following the previous sentence
 * I moved it below, to the "Scientific measurements" section. epicgenius (talk) 21:55, 1 July 2018 (UTC)
 * "In November 2006, HABITATS, a festival dedicated to "local action as global wisdom", celebrated the Gowanus Canal with environmental conferences, collaborative art, educational programs and interactive walks around the area.[104]
 * I did that, plus updated the info about the Yard. epicgenius (talk) 21:55, 1 July 2018 (UTC)
 * "Due to inclement weather, he postponed his swim." - why is this mentioned at the end? also, not sure it's entirely worth mentioning
 * Removed.


 * Water quality
 * " iridescent sheen suggestive of oil, PCBs, coal tar and other industrial wastes." - forgot the serial comma after coal tar
 * "Photographers, including Steven Hirsch, have captured artistic images of the canal.[115]" - who is Steven Hirsch? why do we care?
 * Removed.
 * cement, oil, mercury, lead, multiple volatile organic compounds, PCBs, coal tar, and other contaminants. - the articles linked here should be linked at their first mention rather than here
 * Done.
 * "It had kidney stones, gastric ulcers and parasites." - need a serial comma
 * Done, and I fixed a bunch of other serial commas as well. epicgenius (talk) 21:55, 1 July 2018 (UTC)


 * Popular culture
 * Looks good.

This is in good shape. Once these are fixed, I can post my reference comments.  ceran  thor 17:19, 30 June 2018 (UTC)
 * epicgenius, not sure if you saw, but I've posted some starting comments.  ceran  thor 14:45, 1 July 2018 (UTC)
 * I was away for all of yesterday, and so I just saw these comments now. Thanks for the comments, I'll address them soon. epicgenius (talk) 16:21, 1 July 2018 (UTC)
 * I have addressed all the comments above. epicgenius (talk) 21:55, 1 July 2018 (UTC)
 * Great! Passing it now.  ceran  thor 22:46, 1 July 2018 (UTC)