Talk:Greg Young (footballer)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: ♥ Nici ♥ Vampire ♥ Heart ♥ 22:07, 1 July 2010 (UTC)


 * Quck fail criteria:
 * 1) Has reliable sources Symbol support vote.svg
 * 2) Is written neutrally Symbol support vote.svg
 * 3) No valid cleanup tags Symbol support vote.svg
 * 4) Is relatively stable with no edit wars Symbol support vote.svg
 * 5) Not specifically concerned with a rapidly unfolding current event with a definite endpoint Symbol support vote.svg


 * Full review:
 * GA review (see here for criteria)


 * 1) It is reasonably well written.
 * a (prose): b (MoS):
 * 1) It is factually accurate and verifiable.
 * a (references): b (citations to reliable sources):  c (OR):
 * 1) It is broad in its coverage.
 * a (major aspects): b (focused):
 * 1) It follows the neutral point of view policy.
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) It is stable.
 * No edit wars, etc.:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) It is illustrated by images, where possible and appropriate.
 * a (images are tagged and non-free images have fair use rationales): b (appropriate use with suitable captions):
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass/Fail:

1a: Prose

 * Several problems here need to be fixed.
 * "where also played in the reserve team". Missing word?
 * Added "he". Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "He was released at the end of the 2001–02 season and joined fellow First Division team Grimsby Town in July 2002 following a trial, who signed him to initially play in the reserves". Not good. Would suggest "He was released at the end of the 2001–02 season, and was signed by fellow First Division team Grimsby Town in July 2002 following a trial, initially to play in the reserves."
 * Reworded as suggested. Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "He eventually made his first team debut after starting in a 2–1 defeat to Reading on 26 April 2003"? He made his first team debut after starting? How does that work?
 * Reworded to "He eventually made his first team debut by starting..." Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "alrady". Spelling mistake.
 * Fixed. Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "His first appearance of the 2003–04 season as a substitute". Missing word?
 * Added "came". Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "However, he suffered a dislocated shoulder in a 4–4 draw at Chesterfield on 27 March 2004, and despite the team conceding four goals he was described as the "stand-out performer"." Something about this doesn't read right to me. Was he taken off due to the injury? If so, were the goals before or after that? Why was he the "stand-out performer"?
 * Possible reword the above to something like "Young was described as the "stand-out performer" in a 4-4 draw at Chesterfield on 27 March 2004, despite suffering a dislocated shoulder during the match."
 * Reworded as suggested. Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "He was still suffering from the shoulder injury by June" --> "He was still suffering from the shoulder injury in June"
 * Reworded as suggested. Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Why did a cold require treatment from a physiotherapist?
 * Expanded by mentioning it put him out of action. Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "signed for Conference team Halifax Town on a free transfer on 25 February 2005 after signing" - "sign" (or deriatives of "sign") used twice in quick succession. Would suggest changing to "moved to Conference team Halifax Town on a free transfer on 25 February 2005 after signing" or something similar to avoid repetitiveness.
 * Reworded as suggested. Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "ending a 3–3 draw" - ending in a 3–3 draw sounds better imo.
 * Added "in". Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * Any word on what the August injury was?
 * Afraid not, Google, BBC, Halifax Town website etc don't seem to show anything. Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "semi-final victory over Grays Athletic 5–4 on aggregate". Missing words?
 * Expanded to "He played in both legs of Halifax's play-off semi-final victory over Grays Athletic, which the team won 5–4 on aggregate". Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "released by Halifax following their financial collapse". This must be a better way of wording this than "financial collapse". Seems overly dramatic.
 * Reworded to "Young was released by Halifax while they were enduring financial difficulties". Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "clsoe range". Spelling error.
 * Fixed. Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "which ensured Altrincham would stay out of a fight against relegation" --> "which ensured Altrincham would not be in a relegation position" or similar.
 * Reworded as suggested. Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)
 * "returned to playing full-time". There was no mention that he wasn't playing full-time until this point. Requires clarification.
 * Mentioned that he went semi-pro when he signed for Altrincham. Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)

1b: MOS compliance

 * Per WP:LEAD, the lead is too short. The article is 35 kb, so the lead should be about 2-3 good-sized paragraphs.
 * Expanded into two paragraphs. Mattythewhite (talk) 23:22, 1 July 2010 (UTC)

Overall

 * Several prose problems are present and need to be worked on. Otherwise the article is in good shape.
 * I am placing this article on hold for seven days to allow you to fix the problems listed. If the work is completed before then, I will pass the article before the seven days are up. If no attempts are made to correct the problems, I will fail the article in seven days. If you are not finished within the seven days, I have no problem in extending the hold period to allow you to finish, as long as I see work is being carried out on the article.
 * To make it easier for me to see how much work has been done, please either strike each comment when the problem has been fixed or post a note underneath each item saying it is completed.
 * Feel free request to clarification on anything; you can leave comments on my talk page or here, as I have this page watchlisted.
 * ♥ Nici ♥ Vampire ♥ Heart ♥ 22:07, 1 July 2010 (UTC)

Pass

 * Excellent work. It looks much better now.
 * Please consider helping WP:GAN by reviewing another good article nomination. Help and advice on how to do so is available at Reviewing good articles, and you can ask for the help of a GAN mentor if you wish.
 * This article is now a good article. Congratulations, ♥ Nici ♥ Vampire ♥ Heart ♥ 04:29, 3 July 2010 (UTC)