Talk:Gulfton, Houston/GA1

GA Review
This review is transcluded from Talk:Gulfton, Houston, Texas/GA1. The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.

Overall
 * Many of the necessary changes suggested by previous reviewers have not yet been completed such as:
 * "The Shenandoah subdivision closed itself from Gulfton." - How?
 * "criminals included people who refer to themselves as Mara Salvatrucha (MS-13)" is unclear. Please reword. (It is still unclear)
 * Who are Robert Fisher and Lisa Taafe? Why does their opinion matter? Tie this paragraph in more with the previous paragraph and add internal links... Is he a sociologist? If so, from what university/institute? Also, don't just lay out the quote, say something about like how the area was probably unable to become a viable community because of the lack of certain necessary infrastructure.
 * "The prominence of the Hispanic community lead Kroger to remodel its Gulfton-area store to cater to Hispanics in the 2000s.[6]" Is Kroger the only place to do this, or is it indicative of a trend? Expand and integrate into History section.
 * "Beatrice Marquez ... specifically identify themselves as going to Gulfton. [7]" - I don't understand this sentence, or why it's here.
 * "this is a great opportunity to highlight the similarities and differences between Gulfton and the rest of Houston, e.g. income, family structure, other census data as applicable." Just exactly how do the population figures compare besides the fact that Gulfton is more densely populated?
 * Need to expand information in citations - for example, no references have retrieval dates. Refer to WP:CITE for more info. Fix capitalisation - some are in all caps for no reason.


 * The prose in areas is still lacks refinement (also as indicated by previous reviews). I have mentioned a few notable problem areas below and in some instances provided suggestions for their cleanup.


 * Make sure citations come after punctuation (e.g. "The cow jumped over the moon. " not "The cow jumped over the moon ."). It is generally against GA standards to put external links in the text; they should be linked as part of the citation/reference. This is a perfect example from the the Education section of what not to do in both instances: "The attendance boundaries of Benavidez Elementary School ." Similar recurrences throughout the article need to be fixed.


 * Key terms can be wikilinked to provide additional information to readers.


 * Certain other aspects do not meet GA criteria as established below.

Lead
 * The lead is still too choppy. "Gulfton is a community of western Houston, Texas, United States.

Instead of: "Gulfton, a 3.2 sq mi (8.3 km²) group of apartment complexes[1] with a mostly Hispanic and immigrant population, is located outside of the 610 Loop and inside Beltway 8, west of the city of Bellaire, east and south of U.S. Highway 59, and north of Bellaire Boulevard. The Greater Southwest Houston Chamber of Commerce defines Gulfton as a part of "Southwest Houston."[2] Susan Rogers, author of "Superneighborhood 27: A Brief History of Change," described Gulfton as one of several "low-rent suburban environments."[3]."

Perhaps this could be rewritten as the following:

"Gulfton is a community of southwest Houston, Texas, United States located outside the 610 Loop and inside Beltway 8, west of the city of Bellaire, east and south of U.S. Highway 59, and north of Bellaire Boulevard. The neighborhood covers 3.2 sq mi (8.3 km²) and is comprised of multi-family apartment complexes occupied primarily by Hispanic residents and immigrants; the area is characterized as one of several "low-rent suburban environments" in Houston." See the difference in the flow?

History Better: "The first subdivision in the area, Shenandoah, opened in the mid-1950s and consists of 16 blocks of ranch-style homes."
 * Awkward: "Shenandoah, consisting of 16 blocks of ranch-style homes and the first subdivision in the area, opened in the mid-1950s."


 * "The apartments opened during the Oil Boom of the 1970s; they were built for and housed many young, predominately White people who originated from Rust Belt areas in the Northeast and Midwest United States.[3]" Not necessary to capitalize "white".

Better phrasing: "Apartment complexes in the community opened during the "Oil Boom" of the 1970s and housed white migrant workers from the Northeast and Midwest United States."

Geography
 * "As a consequence of the trend of building apartments to accommodate young adults, Gulfton as of 2005 contains more than one hundred semi-private swimming pools; many of them had been filled.[3]" I don't get what 100 swimming pools have to do with young adults or why this is important?


 * Awkward: "Many immigrants carried their distrust of governments to the United States, possibly leading to under-representation in the census.[9]"

Better: "Underrepresentation in the census is possible due to the fact that many of the area's immigrants, especially those residing in the country illegally, may be distrustful of the government's attempt to obtain personal information."


 * "as of 2008 Al Green represents the district." Make sure this links to Al Green the Congressman, not Al Green the singer.

Education
 * Remove external links

Sports and recreation
 * "became established" -> "was established"

So far, this is a good start to what could be a great article but is not yet a GA candidate. Because of the numerous unfixed problems, the article will fail for now but please renominate in the future when the above revisions are complete! Best, Epicadam (talk) 15:14, 12 June 2008 (UTC)

*** I believed what the article states about Fisher and Taafe would be sufficient to explain their importance. I could do some more research in to them, but please tell me exactly what additional information is needed regarding the two. The article already states: "Robert Fisher, PhD and Lisa Taafe, LMSW, authors of Public Life in Gulfton: Multiple Publics and Models of Organization[5] " - Do you want to know who granted the credentials or what the PHd and LMSW are for? I believed that simply saying PHD and referring to the book written would be enough.
 * Okay, I will work on it some more. However...
 * '"The Shenandoah subdivision closed itself from Gulfton." - How? '
 * this "The Shenandoah subdivision barricaded its streets, closing itself from Gulfton." addresses it - By barricading its streets, it shut itself from Gulfton. That is all the source I used states. It doesn't explain how the streets are barricaded.
 * "**"Beatrice Marquez ... specifically identify themselves as going to Gulfton. [7]" - I don't understand this sentence, or why it's here."
 * It is there to highlight how well-known Gulfton is in many Central American communities. I believe this concept is clear; if it needs rewording please reply.
 * EDIT: I found some more information that should be enough to satisfy this requirement.
 * ""The prominence of the Hispanic community lead Kroger to remodel its Gulfton-area store to cater to Hispanics in the 2000s.[6]" Is Kroger the only place to do this, or is it indicative of a trend? Expand and integrate into History section."
 * I have A. merged this into the history section and B. explained the significance. What else should I do with this?

As for ""this is a great opportunity to highlight the similarities and differences between Gulfton and the rest of Houston, e.g. income, family structure, other census data as applicable." Just exactly how do the population figures compare besides the fact that Gulfton is more densely populated?" I will compare family sizes; while there are comparisons I am not sure what else is pertinent or should be made. All I have right now is Gulfton SN vs. City of Houston total figures.

Also, the pool stuff is there because the features of the Gulfton apartments originally catered to young adults (this is because they were built for young migrants in the 1970s), and NOT to families. Now the apartments have features not necessary for families (the private pools).

WhisperToMe (talk) 02:44, 13 June 2008 (UTC)