Talk:HMS Cornwallis (1901)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Kges1901 (talk · contribs) 23:18, 22 December 2018 (UTC)

A very well done article. Comments:

Lead
 * Suggest linking 12-inch guns
 * Done

Design
 * Link 6-inch guns, 12 pdr guns, and 3 pdr guns
 * Link belt armor, bulkheads, gun turret
 * main battery turrets sides suggest changing to 'the sides of her main battery turrets'
 * Missing mention of range in body
 * Fixed all these when I did the Montagu review

Operational history That's all I've got. Kges1901 (talk) 23:18, 22 December 2018 (UTC)
 * Suggest mentioning that the court mourning was because of the death of Queen Victoria
 * Good idea
 * Either mention when she was completed in the body or remove the completed date from the infobox
 * Added
 * Under a fleet reorganization on 1 May 1912, the Mediterranean Fleet battle squadron became the 4th Battle Squadron, Home Fleet, based at Gibraltar rather than Malta, and Cornwallis thus became a Home Fleet unit at Gibraltar. As this is a ship article, suggest rephrasing to focus on the fact that Cornwallis relocated to Gibraltar rather than the fleet reorganization itself.
 * I dunno, either way, I'd want to mention the reorganization to explain why the ship moved.
 * Link HMS Albemarle on first mention
 * Done
 * surviving sister ships of the Duncan class Could be simpler as four surviving sisters
 * Good idea
 * 6th Battle Squadron was abolished temporarily reads betters as 'temporarily abolished'
 * Done
 * Cornwallis and her four Duncan-class sisters, as well as the battleships of the King Edward VII class, temporarily were transferred Suggest just saying 'sisters' here and changing 'temporarily were transferred' to 'were temporarily transferred'
 * Done
 * reinforce that fleet in the face of Imperial German Navy activity in the Channel Fleet's area could just be 'reinforce the latter'... 'activity in its area'
 * Works for me
 * In the 'World War I' subsection in general years do not need to be repeated after mentioning the year once at the beginning of the section.
 * Evidently I didn't pay enough attention to removing those when I rewrote the article ;)
 * Cornwallis came under fire but was not hit - could be better as 'was unscathed'
 * Ok
 * before turning to shell Erenköy, which was also quickly suppressed. Suggest replacing with 'those at Erenköy, which were also...'
 * Done
 * so she could directly support suggest changing to 'to directly support'
 * Sounds good
 * the battleship Agamemnon no need to say 'the battleship' as Agamemnon has already been mentioned
 * Removed
 * Cornwallis was present during the major attack on the forts on 18 March; she was assigned to the 2nd Division, but she did not take an active role during the attack that saw the sinking of two British and one French battleship. How about 'Assigned to the 2nd Division during the...18 March, she did not take an active rule in the attack that saw the sinking of three Allied battleships.'
 * Sounds good to me
 * then to go support the landing of River Clyde 'go' seems redundant here, also explain the River Clyde was a landing ship or collier converted into a landing ship
 * Done
 * stranded River Clyde - it would be somewhat more accurate to write 'the River Clyde, beached under heavy Ottoman fire'
 * Done
 * the decision had been made to refrain from landing the men stranded under the heavy Ottoman fire until nightfall - could be rephrased to 'the landing of the troops stranded aboard the landing ship had been postponed until nightfall'
 * See if how I reworked it works for you
 * As the allied ground forces inconsistent capitalization between here and lead
 * Fixed
 * equipment that could not be evacuating evacuating to 'evacuated'
 * Sometimes you have to wonder what you were thinking when you typed something close but not quite right...
 * perhaps change 'fired' to 'expending' to avoid repetition of fire
 * Sounds good to me
 * large ship perhaps change to capital ship?
 * Done
 * Thanks again. Parsecboy (talk) 16:51, 24 December 2018 (UTC)