Talk:HMS Mons (1915)/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk · contribs) 21:51, 3 February 2022 (UTC)

Hi, I'll take a look at this shortly. Pickersgill-Cunliffe (talk) 21:51, 3 February 2022 (UTC) Beginning this by noting that I'm amazed the Admiralty chose to name a ship after Mons...not perhaps what I would have chosen to do!
 * Indeed. One reason I thought it was a good one to cover! simongraham (talk) 09:17, 5 February 2022 (UTC)

Prelim

 * Earwig reports no copyvio
 * No edit wars
 * Destroyer and High Seas Fleet are duplicated links
 * Fixed.


 * Image correctly licensed. A second one placed underneath the infobox would not go amiss

Lede and infobox

 * "The M class was"?
 * Done.


 * "higher speeds"?
 * Done.


 * "the first vessel to be named after the Battle of Mons to join the Royal Navy" > "the first British vessel to be named after the Battle of Mons"
 * Done.


 * Suggest linking launched and flotilla
 * Done.


 * "as part of a new flotilla" why not name it?
 * Named.


 * "sweeps" is a little obscure is it not? Perhaps replace with "patrols" or something similar
 * Done. Replaced by patrols and sortie at the two places respectively.


 * "that aimed in drawing out" > "that were aimed to draw out"
 * Done.


 * Suggest more precise date for Jutland (which was in 1916!)
 * Done.


 * Link battleline to line of battle?
 * Done.


 * "wartime conditions" > "wartime operations"
 * Done.


 * "only serving for only six years" one only must go!
 * Gone.


 * Infobox says ordered in September 1914, text says 1915
 * Fixed.


 * The figures for length and beam seem to be overly rounded in the infobox compared to text
 * Changed all to two significant figures for consistency.


 * Is there a commissioning date?
 * Unfortunately not in any of the sources. It seems that the date of completion is preferred by the Royal Navy at the time.

Design and development

 * "First Emergency War Programme" if there's no link I suggest a couple of words describing what this was
 * There is not much detail in the sources on how the programme relates to Mons. However, I nearly red-linked this as I feel there could be an article here. As per WP:GA?, it is important to remain "focused on the topic without going into unnecessary detail".
 * "The M-class" precedent suggests there shouldn't be a hyphen here
 * Removed.
 * " Although envisioned" too many "although"s
 * Reworded.
 * "they were eventually designed..." possible to explain why?
 * The sources are unclear. I suggest this is probably something for the article on the class.
 * Link shafts to propeller?
 * Done.
 * "to give a design speed..." the speed had already been noted
 * Removed.
 * "funnels.A" space
 * Added.

Construction and career

 * "The ship was deployed" suggest changing to "She" so that you don't have too many sentences starting "the destroyer" or "the ship". Is there a particular date for her deployment, or can you stipulate that it was straight after her launching, etc?
 * Reworded.
 * Suggest if possible saying where the Grand Fleet was based
 * Added and cited.
 * Link flotillas
 * Done.
 * "The destroyer took part in a large naval exercise" what was the exercise?
 * Explanation added.
 * Link sorties
 * Done.
 * "the German fleet" why not link High Seas Fleet here instead of later on?
 * Done.
 * "30 May 1916 " you've already introduced the current year
 * Removed.
 * "the flotilla was spotted" how was the flotilla spotted? I thought that it'd been split up, seeing as there's only 4 ships from it with the 1st and 4th BSs?
 * Reworded.
 * "attacked the German warships" can you say how/with what weapons?
 * Added.
 * "largely out of the action" specify then how they were still involved?
 * Reworded as the sources are unclear.
 * "rest of the battle" to avoid to many "remain"s
 * Reworded.
 * "While patrolling to the west..." is Mons still part of the Grand Fleet here?
 * The source does not say, but Mons is definitely part of the Eleventh flotilla of the Grand Fleet before and after (hence the following sentence).
 * "the conning tower..."
 * Done.
 * Link conning tower
 * Added.
 * "and attacked" with what? I didn't think she had any weapons that would have been viable against a submarine?
 * The source mentions a depth charge, so I have added that to both this section and above in Design and development.
 * "After the armistice" no reason not to provide the date here imo
 * Done.
 * "she was given" to avoid repetition of "the destroyer"
 * Reworded.
 * "completement" assume you mean complement
 * Fixed.
 * Link decommissioned - is there a date for this?
 * Added. Unfortunately the sources do not say.
 * "Slough TC" is the TC an acronym for something?
 * The source does not say. Some of the yards have pages but I do not believe this does.