Talk:Haifa bint Muhammad Al Saud

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Suggested additions and updates – userspace draft
Hi, There is additional information about Princess Haifa, her roles, and her initiatives as Vice Minister that can be added to improve the quality of the article.

For ease, I have prepared a userspace draft – see here (diff) for the proposed additions in detail (which include some copyediting).

To summarize these suggested updates:


 * Infobox - Change of type from royalty to officeholder to better the role she is best known for, plus correction of 'Deputy Minister' to 'Vice Minister'
 * Career - Have suggested the addition of new details since the last major update to this article.
 * Memberships & Positions - Brief lists have been added for simplicity and to align with the BLP standards
 * General - Additional citations to strengthen the article and improve the quality, and have added some copy edits and corrections.

If someone could review these proposed additions and transfer them to the mainspace (if in agreement) it would be appreciated. If there are any questions at all, please ping me here or on my talk page. Thank you. Turaif10 (talk) 18:58, 12 October 2023 (UTC)
 * The requested text needs to be placed here on the talk page, as a permanent record of the changes that are sought. Placing the desired text on a draft page that the COI editor ultimately controls would not provide that permanence. To that end, the COI editor is asked to place the entire request here on the talk page. Please note that both the requested text to be added and the requested text to be deleted needs to be provided here on the talk page (rather than just a diff of the changes). If length is an issue, the and  templates are available for your use. Regards,  Spintendo  19:06, 12 October 2023 (UTC)

Edit request 25-OCT-2023

 * Hi User:Spintendo, appreciate your reply and support. Following your advice I'm submitting my suggested edits to the article as an edit request below.


 * 1. Change infobox template
 * from:
 * {{Infobox royalty
 * to:
 * {{Infobox officeholder
 * (Note existing public information is more about her professional career than a member of the royal family)
 * 2. Correct title in the infobox, inline with the correct template
 * from:
 * Deputy Minister of Tourism
 * In office	3 July 2022 – present
 * to:
 * Vice Minister of Tourism
 * Incumbent
 * Assumed office
 * 3 July 2022
 * 3. Introduction – correct title
 * from:
 * Haifa bint Muhammad Al Saud is a Saudi royal and deputy minister of tourism . Since 2012 she has assumed various government posts.
 * to:
 * Haifa bint Muhammad Al Saud is a Saudi royal and Vice Minister of Tourism. Since 2012 she has assumed various government posts.
 * 4. Career – change to first paragraph
 * from:
 * Following her graduation Haifa bint Muhammad began to work at HSBC, United Kingdom, as an analyst of equity sales. She joined the Saudi ministry of higher education in 2012 where she served as a senior consultant. In the period between 2017 and 2019 she was the managing director at the General Sports Authority. In July 2018 she was appointed secretary-general of Formula E Holdings.
 * to:
 * Following her graduation Haifa bint Muhammad began to work at HSBC, United Kingdom, as an analyst of equity sales. She joined the Saudi Ministry of Higher Education in 2012 as a senior consultant. In the period between 2017 and 2019 she was the managing director at the General Sports Authority. In July 2018 she was appointed secretary-general of Formula E Holdings.
 * 5. Career – change to second paragraph
 * from:
 * In January 2020 she was named as a board member of the General Authority of Civil Aviation (GACA). She represents the Saudi Commission for Tourism and National Heritage at the GACA . On 3 July 2022 she was appointed deputy minister of tourism where she had been serving as an assistant minister.
 * To:
 * In January 2020 she was named as a board member of the General Authority of Civil Aviation (GACA) to represent the Saudi Commission for Tourism and National Heritage where she had been vice president of strategy since March 2019. On 3 July 2022 she was appointed Vice Minister of Tourism where she had been serving as an Assistant Minister.
 * 6. Career – additional content to replace the third paragraph
 * from:
 * Her other posts include vice chairwoman of the Saudi Fencing Federation and chairwoman of the women’s committee at the Arab Fencing Federation.
 * to:
 * During her participation in the 2021 XP Music Conference, Princess Haifa announced an increase of up to 600% in the number of music concerts to be held in Saudi Arabia from 2022, due to their important role in the Kingdom’s tourism strategy. Princess Haifa plays an instrumental role in advancing the Kingdom’s tourism sector under Vision 2030, with the aim of growing the sector’s GDP contribution from 3% in 2018 to 10% by 2030. She has confirmed that Saudi Arabia was the third largest investor in the travel and tourism sector worldwide in 2021 according to World Travel and Tourism Council records and announced plans to attract four million Chinese tourists by 2030.
 * Princess Haifa also holds a number of other posts including board membership of Qiddiya, the Tourism Development Fund (TDF) the Tourism Development Council (TDC), and the Al-Ahsa Development Authority, and was previously vice chairwoman of the Saudi Fencing Federation and chairwoman of the women’s committee at the Arab Fencing Federation.
 * In March 2023, Princess Haifa was named as one of the world’s most promising Young Global Leaders by the World Economic Forum’s Young Global Leaders Class of 2023.
 * 7. New sections for memberships and positions:
 * {{fake heading|sub=2|Memberships}}
 * Board member of the General Authority of Civil Aviation
 * Board member of the Qiddiya Investment Company
 * Board member of the Tourism Development Fund
 * Board member of Taif Development Authority
 * Board member of Al Ahsa Development Authority
 * Board member of the Saudi Red Sea Authority
 * Member of the Tourism Development Council
 * Quality of Life Program Committee Member
 * Executive Committee Member of Doyof Al Rahman Program
 * Executive Committee Member of Saudi Arabia's participation at Expo
 * Steering Committee Member of the Custodian of the Two Holly Mosques Scholarship Program
 * Oversight and Monitoring Committee Member of the National Employment Program
 * {{fake heading|sub=2|Previous positions}}
 * Secretary General of Formula E Diriyah ePrix
 * Chair of the Arab Fencing Federation Women's Committee
 * Vice Chair of the Saudi Fencing Federation
 * Chair of the Saudi-Emirati Youth Council

{{reflist-talk}} {{collapsed bottom}}
 * If there are any questions at all, please ping me here or on my talk page. Thank you. Turaif10 (talk) 14:35, 25 October 2023 (UTC)

Reply 26-OCT-2023
Kindly open a new edit request incorporating the requested clarifications below this reply post at your earliest convenience. Thank you! Regards, Spintendo  03:28, 27 October 2023 (UTC)
 * 1) It's a good idea where instances in the proposed revisions that see more than one reference being placed at the end of a sentence, these ideally should be consolidated. If more than one source verifies the same information, then only one source really needs to be used. In circumstances where the references are actually verifying different aspects of the same sentence, then WP:INTEGRITY can to be followed.
 * 2)  When writing "vice minister of tourism" as a common noun, it should be lower case. When addressed as a title or position in and of itself it's placed in upper case, but only if it's not preceded by a modifier (including a definite or indefinite article) and is not a reworded description. (See MOS:OFFICE.) Both examples below would be correct based on their wording:
 * 3) Haifa bint Muhammad Al Saud became Vice Minister of Tourism in 2012. — upper case
 * 4) Haifa bint Muhammad Al Saud is the vice minister of tourism. — lower case.
 * 5) On 3 July 2022 she was appointed Vice Minister of Tourism where she had been serving as an Assistant Minister This is not clear. If she were appointed "vice minister", readers may wonder why is she serving as "assistant minister". Are these two labels describing the same office? (similar to how prime minister and premier are often used interchangeably). Only one title should be used for consistency.
 * 6) The following paragraph is problematic Princess Haifa plays an instrumental role in advancing the Kingdom’s tourism sector under Vision 2030, with the aim of growing the sector’s GDP contribution from 3% in 2018 to 10% by 2030. She has confirmed that Saudi Arabia was the third largest investor in the travel and tourism sector worldwide in 2021 according to World Travel and Tourism Council records and announced plans to attract four million Chinese tourists by 2030.
 * 7) The paragraph uses vague phrasing which should be avoided: Princess Haifa plays an instrumental role (See MOS:AWW.)
 * 8) Is unclear on the subject ("due to their important role in the Kingdom’s tourism strategy") Who is their ?
 * 9) Contains statements which are a reflection of an anticipated future event and announced plans to attract four million Chinese tourists by 2030. (See WP:CRYSTALBALL.)
 * 10) One of the references in this section is to a video which is not in English, which makes verification difficult . Please provide an English translation if possible. (See WP:RSUE.)
 * 11) The items contained in the list proposed for the Memberships and Previous positions sections are all missing their Wikilinks. Please provide these links. (See MOS:EMBED.)