Talk:Half a Life (Star Trek: The Next Generation)/GA1

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Viriditas (talk · contribs) 02:48, 19 December 2014 (UTC)

Disambiguation

 * OK. Viriditas (talk) 10:11, 20 December 2014 (UTC)

Images

 * File:Michelle Forbes 2009a Comic-Con.jpg is a terrible photo of Michelle Forbes. I can only assume it was copied over here from her bio which includes it.  There are at least three  better photos of her on Commons: File:Michelle Forbes 2009 CCI.jpg, File:Michelle Forbes and Alexander Skarsgård 2009.jpg, and File:Michelle Forbes at True Blood premiere party.jpg.  While it's true that the current image shows a better angle on her face, she is making a not so smiley-part-grimace face, which distorts her features. Viriditas (talk) 10:50, 19 December 2014 (UTC)

Infobox

 * Peter Allan Fields is linked twice in the infobox. Per WP:OVERLINK, "a link should appear only once in an article, but if helpful for readers, links may be repeated in infoboxes, tables, image captions, footnotes, hatnotes, and at the first occurrence after the lead."  In the case of infoboxes, this would be quite rare, and would generally apply to long infoboxes that stretch down the screen.  This does not appear to be an example of this special case. Either way, the phrase "links may be repeated in infoboxes" does not in practice refer to this special case, but to repeating a link once in the infobox and in subseqent uses outside the infobox. Viriditas (talk) 10:01, 19 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Fixed. Miyagawa (talk) 12:16, 30 December 2014 (UTC)


 * Is there a rhyme or reason to the sort order in the "Guest actors" list? Viriditas (talk) 23:43, 19 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Not previously, but now it's alphbetical based on surname. I seriously doubt that Forbes recieved higher billing than anyone else at the time that the episode was broadcast, so I don't know what sort of order it was in before. Miyagawa (talk) 12:16, 30 December 2014 (UTC)

Lead

 * It was originally broadcast on May 6, 1991 in broadcast syndication.
 * When the format is month, day, year, a comma is used after the year. Viriditas (talk) 10:04, 19 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Fixed. Miyagawa (talk) 12:23, 30 December 2014 (UTC)


 * Director Les Landau said that "Half a Life" was a morality play about "how society deals with the elderly".
 * A couple things: first, aren't all (or perhaps most) Trek episodes considered "morality plays"?  Second, isn't the episode about voluntary euthanasia?  Isn't it a bit odd that no mention is made of voluntary (or ritual) euthanasia here? Viriditas (talk) 10:08, 19 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Several of the Roddenberry edited episodes in the Original Series were intended as morality plays. However that wasn't the case so prevenlently with The Next Generation. Although some of them can be considered to be, it's actually fairly unusual for a staff member to make that connection. This one is one of the more obvious ones - but even so, with the voluntary euthansia issue still so prevelent (there was an article in the media just yesterday about it) it's not unusual for them to avoid talking about the issue on the record. Despite it being blatently obvious, the sources I have simply omit the discussion of the subject. Miyagawa (talk) 12:23, 30 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Although Lwaxana encourages Timicin to continue his research, the scientist reveals that he can't.
 * Per WP:CONTRACTIONS, "Avoid the use of contractions in encyclopedic writing; e.g., instead of the informal wasn't or it's, write was not and it is. However, contractions should not be expanded mechanically; sometimes rewriting the sentence is preferable." I think the two sentences could be linked like this: "Lwaxana encourages Timicin to continue his research, but he prepares to undergo the "Resolution", a ritual suicide invoked at the age of sixty to prevent the elderly from becoming a burden to the younger generation."  Or something like that. Viriditas (talk) 10:20, 19 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 12:23, 30 December 2014 (UTC)

Plot

 * Word count at 623. Meets MOS:PLOT. Viriditas (talk) 10:57, 19 December 2014 (UTC)
 * WP:OVERLINK: USS Enterprise (NCC-1701-D) Viriditas (talk) 11:06, 19 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Fixed. Miyagawa (talk) 12:35, 30 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Timicin is about to turn 60, and on Kaelon II, everyone who reaches the age of 60 kills him or herself in what is known to their people as "the Resolution," a means of ridding their culture of the need to care for the elderly.
 * This is where you should mention voluntary euthanasia. Instead of "kills him or herself", it should read, "everyone who reaches the age of 60 engages in the "Resolution",  a ritual, voluntary euthanasia". Viriditas (talk) 11:06, 19 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Changed as suggested. Miyagawa (talk) 12:35, 30 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Captain Jean-Luc Picard (Patrick Stewart) makes it clear that he will not interfere in the planet's local affairs
 * I hate to geek out on you, but you really should mention and link to the Prime Directive here, as that is what prevents him from interfering, and it's what he cites in the dialogue. Viriditas (talk) 11:09, 19 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Added. Miyagawa (talk) 12:35, 30 December 2014 (UTC)
 * However, she still considers the custom barbaric, and refuses to accept their tradition, listing an example in Betazed history of a woman who went against the tradition of wearing a ridiculous wig and changed their civilization for the better.
 * That's a poor rendering of the analogy and it serves to detract from the plot. The correct analogy, would show the similarities between the two situations.  For example, just as Lwaxana  believes the Resolution is cruel and barbaric, so did the lady who stopped wearing the wig, which contained captive birds in a cruel and barbaric manner.  Lwaxana makes the point that it took this courageous woman to step forward and refuse to continue the ritual.  However, the analogy does not end there. What finally convinces Timicin (for the moment, at least) is when  Lwaxana argues Timicin's position in favor of the ritual in comparison to his effort attempting to save his star from dying.  If it is Timicin's time to go at 60 as he says, perhaps it is also time for his star to die as well, so why try to stop it?  That convinces his rational side, but leaves him unable to cope with the cultural implications from his family. This is consistent with what we know about ritual practice, so it works well in the script and on screen. Peter Allan Fields doesn't mess around. Viriditas (talk) 00:16, 20 December 2014 (UTC)
 * I've copyedited that middle paragraph to remove the bird thing and add the star once more - it's a much more powerful metaphor for the story and far less distracting in the plot summary. For my sins, I didn't do a great deal of editing on the summary when I expanded the article and perhaps I should have. Miyagawa (talk) 12:35, 30 December 2014 (UTC)

Production

 * He watched the previous two Lwaxana Troi episodes, "Haven" and "Manhunt", some time prior to writing the script but didn't use them as reference except to see what level of privilege Lwaxana had.
 * Avoid WP:CONTRACTIONS. Viriditas (talk) 09:32, 20 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Sirtis felt that the plot of the episode was similar to a morality play. Likewise, director Les Landau believed that the episode was similar to those morality play-style plots that franchise creator Gene Roddenberry had included in Star Trek: The Original Series.
 * Which brings me back to my original point that I made above. Aren't most Trek episodes morality plays? Viriditas (talk) 09:32, 20 December 2014 (UTC)
 * As above, it's unusual for a TNG episode to be a blatent morality play (although I think that the show works best when they are). Miyagawa (talk) 12:44, 30 December 2014 (UTC)


 * Casting
 * ''He was a "major fan" of Star Trek: The Next Generation, and so when the producers asked him if he would be interested in appearing in an upcoming episode, he was enthusiastic. This proposal became his role in "Half a Life". During the production, he met the series producer Gene Roddenberry on set - someone that Stiers described as "a grand old man - not in his behaviour but in people's deference to him".[6] He subsequently visited Roddenberry's house over the weekend as the production was split across two weeks, so that he could practice scenes with Roddenberry's wife, Majel Barrett.[6]
 * The prose here needs a copyedit. "so when the producers asked him" sounds odd, as does "This proposal became his role in "Half a Life"", as well as "someone that Stiers described as "a grand old man" and "the production was split across two weeks, so that he could practice scenes with Roddenberry's wife". The wording here doesn't really work as it sounds stilted and disconnected. Viriditas (talk) 09:32, 20 December 2014 (UTC)
 * I've redrafted that paragraph to feature the quotes in a more sensible way. Miyagawa (talk) 12:44, 30 December 2014 (UTC)

Reception and home media release

 * Massive quoting going on in this section. Try to paraphrase more, instead.  Remember, "Quotation should not, however, be treated as an alternative to extracting facts and presenting them in plain language." Viriditas (talk) 10:05, 20 December 2014 (UTC)
 * "Half a Life" was first broadcast within the United States on May 6, 1991 in broadcast syndication.
 * Comma needed after the year. Viriditas (talk) 10:05, 20 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Done. Miyagawa (talk) 12:57, 30 December 2014 (UTC)
 * He also praised the episode itself, saying that it was the first time that Lwaxana Troi had been used in a way that doesn't...
 * Avoid contractions. Viriditas (talk) 10:05, 20 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Fixed. Miyagawa (talk) 12:57, 30 December 2014 (UTC)
 * He said that it was one of the best episodes to feature a Prime Directive debate, and endorsed the writing idea not to take sides.
 * Should this be best TNG episode to feature the debate? I seem to recall VOY having the best PD debates. Viriditas (talk) 11:13, 19 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Well he only said it was one of the best. There's plenty of Prime Directive episodes out there - unfortunatly the Voyager ones (especially anything after series three) is hard to come by production information as the source materials just aren't there. The best place to discuss the Prime Directive would be on the Prime Directive article, which could then discuss the impact in the various relevent episodes. Miyagawa (talk) 12:57, 30 December 2014 (UTC)
 * ...saying that the ritual suicide aspect was not part of the natural evolution of a society but opened up questions related to similar ideas such as the one-child policy in China
 * I'm not sure I understand what this means. Please revisit the source material and see if you can't clarify it. Viriditas (talk) 10:05, 20 December 2014 (UTC)
 * I've redrafted for clarification. Miyagawa (talk) 12:57, 30 December 2014 (UTC)
 * The first home media release of "Half a Life" was on VHS cassette on July 23, 1996 in the United States and Canada
 * Comma needed after year. Viriditas (talk) 10:05, 20 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Done. I'm going to remember that now! ;) Miyagawa (talk) 12:57, 30 December 2014 (UTC)

Criteria
GA review – see WP:WIAGA for criteria


 * 1) Is it reasonably well written?
 * A. Prose is "clear and concise", without copyvios, or spelling and grammar errors:
 * Casting section needs copyedit
 * Clarity issues listed above in reception section
 * Too much quoting in reception and not enough paraphrasing
 * B. MoS compliance for lead, layout, words to watch, fiction, and lists:
 * WP:OVERLINK: infobox, plot
 * WP:CONTRACTIONS: lead, production. reception
 * 1) Is it factually accurate and verifiable?
 * A. Has an appropriate reference section:
 * B. Citations to reliable sources, where necessary:
 * C. No original research:
 * 1) Is it broad in its coverage?
 * A. Major aspects:
 * No mention of voluntary euthanasia. This is a major science fiction cliche (see for example Brave New World, Logan's Run, Soylent Green, The Giver,  etc.) that Peter Allan Fields turns on its head, with exceptional results.  Needs to be mentioned and linked.
 * No link to the Prime Directive in an episode featuring a Prime Directive debate?
 * B. Focused:
 * 1) Is it neutral?
 * Fair representation without bias:
 * 1) Is it stable?
 * No edit wars, etc:
 * 1) Does it contain images to illustrate the topic?
 * A. Images are tagged with their copyright status, and valid fair use rationales are provided for non-free content:
 * B. Images are provided if possible and are relevant to the topic, and have suitable captions:
 * 1) Overall:
 * Pass or Fail:
 * Minor issues. Viriditas (talk) 10:11, 20 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Thanks, I think I've covered everything. Let me know if there is anything else. Miyagawa (talk) 12:58, 30 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Reviewing... Viriditas (talk) 03:05, 4 January 2015 (UTC)
 * Lead, copyedited. Removed repetition of words and ideas. Viriditas (talk) 09:42, 4 January 2015 (UTC)
 * Plot, copyedited. Added back the bird wig story; without it, the statement "Timicin realizes that he is not the man to forge a cultural revolution" doesn't make any sense, as that sentence refers directly to Lwaxana's story about the wig-wearing woman on Betazed. Viriditas (talk) 10:21, 4 January 2015 (UTC)
 * Production, copyedited. Fixed poor wording, made it clear that Fields was a co-writer not writer of "Inner Light" as the prose implied.  I also simplified the prose.  Phrasing like "Deanna/Lwaxana-centric" might work for diehard fans, but would confuse a reader not familiar with this subject. When in doubt, simplify.  Remember, we aren't writing for Trekkers. Viriditas (talk) 04:02, 5 January 2015 (UTC)
 * Casting, copyedited. Removed unnecessary, repetitive wording and improved flow. Viriditas (talk) 10:04, 5 January 2015 (UTC)
 * Reception and home media release, copyedited. Removed word repetition (avoid phrases like "broadcast within the United States...in broadcast syndication") Avoid overusing the word "praise" (frankly that word should be banned from all reception sections); don't repeat the word performance twice, close together in the same sentence, etc. Remember to eliminate unnecessary verbiage that distracts the reader, things like "had been used in a way that", "rather than something which caused", "He summed up...He later said when summing up the season", etc.  Try to get to the point in the most direct way.  Anything else should be removed. Viriditas (talk) 10:26, 5 January 2015 (UTC)
 * Minor issues. Viriditas (talk) 10:11, 20 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Thanks, I think I've covered everything. Let me know if there is anything else. Miyagawa (talk) 12:58, 30 December 2014 (UTC)
 * Reviewing... Viriditas (talk) 03:05, 4 January 2015 (UTC)
 * Lead, copyedited. Removed repetition of words and ideas. Viriditas (talk) 09:42, 4 January 2015 (UTC)
 * Plot, copyedited. Added back the bird wig story; without it, the statement "Timicin realizes that he is not the man to forge a cultural revolution" doesn't make any sense, as that sentence refers directly to Lwaxana's story about the wig-wearing woman on Betazed. Viriditas (talk) 10:21, 4 January 2015 (UTC)
 * Production, copyedited. Fixed poor wording, made it clear that Fields was a co-writer not writer of "Inner Light" as the prose implied.  I also simplified the prose.  Phrasing like "Deanna/Lwaxana-centric" might work for diehard fans, but would confuse a reader not familiar with this subject. When in doubt, simplify.  Remember, we aren't writing for Trekkers. Viriditas (talk) 04:02, 5 January 2015 (UTC)
 * Casting, copyedited. Removed unnecessary, repetitive wording and improved flow. Viriditas (talk) 10:04, 5 January 2015 (UTC)
 * Reception and home media release, copyedited. Removed word repetition (avoid phrases like "broadcast within the United States...in broadcast syndication") Avoid overusing the word "praise" (frankly that word should be banned from all reception sections); don't repeat the word performance twice, close together in the same sentence, etc. Remember to eliminate unnecessary verbiage that distracts the reader, things like "had been used in a way that", "rather than something which caused", "He summed up...He later said when summing up the season", etc.  Try to get to the point in the most direct way.  Anything else should be removed. Viriditas (talk) 10:26, 5 January 2015 (UTC)

After the above copyedits, I've decided to pass this article. I've noticed that the nominator tends to embed theme-related material in either the production or reception sections per the instructions listed at MOS:FILM. It may be helpful for the nominator to review that section again, as it says, "A separate section is not required if it is more appropriate to place the material in the Production or Reception sections." I've bolded the key, relevant words above. In the last two reviews, I've found a separate theme section would indeed be more appropriate, and would better help the reader. Perhaps this is something the nominator would like to think about for future articles or improvement of older articles. Viriditas (talk) 10:51, 5 January 2015 (UTC)