Talk:Hatem Ben Arfa/GA1

GA Review
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Reviewer: Sandman888 (talk) Latest FAC 13:43, 16 August 2010 (UTC)

There's some good things in here, but it doesn't read that well. The flow isn't very good I'm afraid. I'll put on hold for now. I've asked for a second opinion as I don't feel the flow is very good, but I'll leave that to another editor to judge. I don't have anything else to quibble about. Sandman888 (talk) Latest FAC 17:19, 16 August 2010 (UTC) After giving it a copyedit myself, I'm satisfied with the flow and I'll pass it. Congrats! Consider reviewing one or two of the other GANs as there is a heavy backlog. Sandman888 (talk) Latest PR 22:16, 20 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Lead
 * remove "regularly" as that is your opinion.
 * Done — Joao10Siamun (talk) 16:24, 16 August 2010 (UTC)


 * " thus ending a month-long transfer saga between the two clubs." remove, not important enough to be in lead
 * Done — Joao10Siamun (talk) 16:24, 16 August 2010 (UTC)


 * and he is a former youth player, not was.
 * Done — Joao10Siamun (talk) 16:24, 16 August 2010 (UTC)


 * Career
 * "innate ability and passion for the sport" smacks of POV
 * Done — Joao10Siamun (talk) 16:24, 16 August 2010 (UTC)


 * sections needs a good copyedit.
 * "One intriguing moment during the series came when Ben Arfa got into an argument with Abou Diaby, who now plays for English club Arsenal.[8]" why is this interesting?
 * I guess because it is "one intriguing moment from the series" and also kind of provides the first example of him "lacking discipline" as mentioned in the lead. — Joao10Siamun (talk) 16:24, 16 August 2010 (UTC)


 * "in great form" remove all words such as great, awesome and its like.
 * Done — Joao10Siamun (talk) 16:24, 16 August 2010 (UTC)


 * only link UEFA Champions League once, and loose the UEFA in subsequent mentions.
 * Done — Joao10Siamun (talk) 16:24, 16 August 2010 (UTC)


 * It doesn't say whether he participated in the 2010 World Cup. Please mention it.
 * Done — Joao10Siamun (talk) 16:24, 16 August 2010 (UTC)

A lot is to match reports, which I'm afraid doesn't back up a lot of prose. Try search for more newspaper articles on news.google.com or otherplaces. Remember that wikipedia prefers secondary sources, not primary such as UEFA and FFF match reports.
 * References
 * Can you be more specific as to what information in the prose needs to be referenced. I'll do it myself, but wouldn't mind the assistance. Oh and the protection template is going to be lifted later today and with his impending issues with his parent club and attempted transfer to Newcastle United, expect alot of vandalizing and unproper good faith edits from IPs. — Joao10Siamun (talk) 16:24, 16 August 2010 (UTC)