Talk:He-Man as a gay icon/GA2

GA Review
The edit link for this section can be used to add comments to the review.''

Reviewer: Figureskatingfan (talk · contribs) 21:49, 15 June 2022 (UTC)

Hi, I'm reviewing this article as a part of the June Backlog drive.

References: Prose: To be honest, I don't like the prose in this article very much. This is such an important topic deserving of serious, high-quality treatment, with the potential to be influential both on and off Wikipedia. I'm certain that this article could be expanded, that its sources could be better utilized for more content, and after that's done, that it could have the potential of eventually becoming an FA. Much work needs to be done on it. I would love to help with that work, because it's vitally important, but I'm unfortunately not the person to do it because I have neither the time or the expertise. For now, the prose is adequate enough for a GA, but I highly recommend that you find an experienced editor to copyedit it before you move on. Also for now, I'm doing some minor copyedits for grammar and spelling and including a few examples of the most problematic prose in this article. That being said, the "Homosexual reading and analyses" is the strongest section; I'd bet you could find additional sources, mine your current sources better, and expand it. I also think that the "Response from Mattel and insiders" section is also strong, even though I didn't check its sources.
 * Ref1: The NPR source states that "Eternia is home to a thriving leather community", not that bondage harnesses are associated with leather subculture. I'm certain you can find a source that actually supports this statement. I'm sure there are other examples of this kind of thing, which I get into a bit later. I also suggest that you go through all your references to make sure that they aren't broken.

Lead:

''The queer reading of He-Man's character, particularly his relationship with Skeletor, has been referenced in other media as well as being utilized in advertisement and for charity. According to various insiders and employees, Mattel is aware of He-Man's gay icon status and following, and his perception as a gay man; something which the company is receptive to.''
 * I would rewrite these sentences in this way because the current verison is unclear: "The queer reading of He-Man's character, particularly his relationship with Skeletor, has been referenced in other media, including in advertisements and to raise money for charity. According to various insiders and employees, Mattel is aware of and receptive to He-Man's gay icon status, his following in the LGBT community, and the perception of the character as a gay man."
 * Done.

Background


 * He-Man was created by Mattel as the star of its Masters of the Universe toy line... First, it's unencyclopedic to say something is the "star". Secondly, your source doesn't say that; it says something similar, that Mattel created the toy line.
 * Made a few revisions.


 * By uttering the phrase "by the power of Grayskull, I have the power", Adam could transform into He-Man, described as the strongest man in the universe, gaining a variety of abilities, which would also cause Adam's feline companion Cringer to transform to Battle Cat.
 * I would change this to: "When Adam uttered the phrase, "By the power of Grayskull, I have the power", he would transform into He-Man, the strongest man in the universe, and gain a variety of abilities; the phrase also allowed his feline companion Cringer to transform, at the same time, to Battle Cat."
 * Done.

Appearance and outfits


 * Chlopecki singling out Adam's pink spandex clothing. This is a run-on sentence, so please fix it. I would've done it, but I'm not sure what's your point here. Do you mean that Chlopecki singled out the clothing? I ask that because Chlopecki isn't really doing that; he's not "singling out" any one aspect of He-Man's costume over another. Actually, this is an example where you miss out by not mining the source enough. Here's what I'd do with it: "Prince Adam, before his transformation into He-Man, wears lavender, pink, and white spandex and has a "blond pageboy haircut", but after he "holds aloft his magic sword", he wears only a harnass".

I'll stop here now, because as I say above, with these changes, this article is adequate enough for a GA. Once you make them, I'll promote it. Keep up the good work and best as you continue making other contributions to Wikipedia like this. Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 16:10, 16 June 2022 (UTC)
 * Thank you for taking the time to perform this review and give me suggestions on how to improve the article. I'll try to make the changes you pointed out as soon as possible. It might take me a few days to be done with everything because of obligations outside of Wikipedia. --PanagiotisZois (talk) 16:17, 16 June 2022 (UTC)
 * Guess it won't take multiple days to finish this. I was wondering, which step would you recommend I take next in improving the article? As you brought up, prose is an issue. But I could also set up for a peer review and ask for help finding additional (academic) sources. Something like that would require some time for me to read through any additional sources provided and figuring it what to place where. Also, you mentioned that "its sources could be better utilized for more content". Admittedly, from my own subjective POV, I'm under the impression that I've used the sources mostly fine. Although, as your example of Chlopecki shows, that is very much not the case. Honestly, there's a lot to do and at this point, I'm not really sure what to do or how to move forward. What would you suggest; a copyedit or peer review? --PanagiotisZois (talk) 17:07, 16 June 2022 (UTC)
 * @PanagiotisZois, thanks for taking care of things so quickly! And thanks for keeping an open mind and being receptive to my feedback. Since you asked, here's some advice and what I do when I'm writing/improving articles. First, I'd do some more research: I'd collect every source I could find out there about He-Man, take notes on what's applicable to this topic, and then do some writing (paraphrasing and summarizing what the sources state, not what I want them to state). Then yes, I suggest doing either a copyedit or PR, whichever process you're most comfortable with, or perhaps even both. You can also elicit the assistance of (an)other editor(s); I suggest asking someone with some expertise in the topic (toys, comic books, cartoons, and especially LGBTQ issues). You're right; in order to do this article and its topics justice, it's gonna take loads of work, but I'm sure that this is a topic you're interested in, so you'll learn a lot and it'll also be loads of fun. Again, good luck and kuddos for you for tackling these kinds of topics. I will go and pass to GA now. Thanks, Christine (Figureskatingfan) (talk) 21:21, 16 June 2022 (UTC)